Laws of Timing
by Poledra182
Summary: Riley and Lucas struggle to adjust to parenthood; while dealing with the drama that comes from their careers, families and friends. Sequel to, "Laws of Motion."
1. The Show

Mathew was a crier; the kind of kid who could carry on for hours with no apparent reason. She'd been less then sympathetic when Maya had complained of the same problems with her own son and now Riley was paying for it, with interest.

"Should we pick him up?" Lucas questioned from where he was sitting in the hallway. He had his laptop open on his lap and was catching up on his charting for the vet clinic that he ran. Riley was pacing the hallway and trying to ignore the way that her heart was breaking with her son's crying.

"No, this has to stop, Lucas. We have to break the cycle," Riley insisted, rubbing her temples as she fought off a headache.

The twins had only lasted in the same room together for three weeks before Riley and Lucas had been forced to separate them. They were constantly waking each other up and two sleep deprived kids, plus two sleep deprived parents, didn't add up to a happy or functioning family.

"Riles," Lucas grabbed her arm as she paced passed him in the hallway.

"What?" Riley questioned, looking at him helplessly. She was exhausted and Lucas did try to help, but she was breastfeeding both babies and one of them needed to be a competent, medical professional who could keep supporting them if Riley lost her job. So, a lot of the parenting responsibilities seemed to fall on her.

"We're going to get through this," he promised her, rubbing his thumb along her hand.

"You know it doesn't end here, right? Soon they'll be crawling around and into everything and then they'll be going to school and dealing with emotional trauma. It's never going to stop," Riley groaned.

Lucas set his laptop aside and pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She buried her face into his shoulder and let him distract her from the millions of worries that were running through her head.

"We've got each other. We can do this," Lucas promised her.

Riley thought back to the engagement ring that was sitting in a box on the top of their dresser. It stared at her accusingly every time she was in their bedroom and she couldn't help thinking that Lucas had left it out to deliberately to make her regret turning him down. It was working, she should have just said yes.

"I love you," Riley sighed, shifting so that her back was against his chest and their feet stretched out to the other end of the hallway.

"I love you, too," Lucas assured her, resting his chin on the top of her head and wrapping his arms around her torso. It took Riley a minute to realize that Mathew had stopped crying, but neither of them made any movement to pull away.

Riley couldn't remember the last time she had slept for more than three hours at a time and as she glances at herself in the bathroom mirror, she can tell that it's beginning to show. Her hair is a tangled mess and she can't remember the last time she showered, let alone changed the set of pajamas she'd been wearing.

She turned to look at herself from a side profile and let out a sigh as she looked at the baby weight that she yet to lose. She still had to eat a certain amount of calories while she was breastfeeding and the move into their new house was ongoing. Consequently, she hadn't found the time to try and work off the weight that she had put on during her pregnancy.

She had turned into a frumpy housewife, who wasn't even a wife.

"Riles, I think Summer is ready to eat," Lucas called, as he knocked on the door to their master bathroom.

"Okay," Riley replied, setting down her toothbrush and her dreams of a shower.

Lucas had set Summer on the bed and secured her with pillows so that she wouldn't shift anywhere. Riley may have been biased, but Summer was a beautiful baby. Her eyes were still changing, but Riley had a feeling that they were going to be the same color as Lucas's. She, also, had already developed a head of wavy, light brown hair.

"I'll be back in time for the nanny interview, tonight," Lucas informed her, as he shrugged a lab coat on over his dress shirt.

"And you'll bring me news of the outside world?" Riley joked, settling on the bed and grabbing the floral breastfeeding pillow, as she prepared to feed her daughter.

"Everything that I care about is happening right here," Lucas informed her, kissing her before he grabbed his bag and headed towards the door.

"I think you're going to be just as charming as your daddy," Riley informed Summer, as she adjusted the baby in her arms.

Riley had been set to go back to work when Lydia had left at the end of August, but when it came down to it, she just couldn't do it. She wasn't ready to leave the twins with strangers and she didn't want to miss anything as they reached all of their developmental milestones. It was times like these when she envied Maya, who was able to do most of her work from home.

As though the thought conjured up her best friend, her phone began to ring and Riley leaned over to the bedside table to answer it, "Hello?"

"Hey, Riles. What are you up to?" Maya questioned, her voice cheerful and bright.

"I'm feeding Summer at the moment, Mathew likes to sleep late like his father," Riley said, shifting the phone on her ear as she multi-tasked.

"I have some bad news and some good news," Maya informed her and Riley could see Maya in her mind. She was probably biting her lip in worry at the same time as she was bouncing around in excitement.

"Good first," Riley decided.

"I've been commissioned to paint a mural at Abigail Adams High," Maya informed her.

"That's great," Riley smiled, knowing that Maya had been trying to find a way to pay the bills without going back to waiting tables.

"It is and I'm really excited about the exposure, but they want the mural painted over Thanksgiving break when the kids won't be in the school," Maya admitted and Riley's mood instantly deflated.

She'd been planning out Thanksgiving since Maya had left at the end of August. Farkle, Zay, and Lucas had all agreed that it would be the best time to tell Maya about her half-sisters and so Riley had planned on doing everything possible to make the weekend flow smoothly.

Zay and Riley had planned out the menu and experimented with half a dozen recipes to decide which ones were going to make the final cut. Riley had invited all of their friends and family and was hoping that the good spirit of the holidays would ease the shock of Riley's news.

"Are you mad?" Maya questioned and Riley let out a sigh.

"Of course I'm not mad, just a little disappointed," Riley admitted, trying to keep her voice up-beat.

"I know, but you're still flying out for New Years, right?" Maya reminded her.

"That's the plan," Riley agreed.

"So, we'll see each other, then, and it will be nice," Maya said enthusiastically, "And I bet there's even a ring on your finger."

Riley hadn't told Maya that she had turned down Lucas's proposal. She hadn't told anyone, although she was pretty sure that Lucas had confided in Zay. Things had been tense between Farkle and Lucas and Riley was feeling incredibly guilty over everything.

"Maybe," Riley offered flatly, running out of fake enthusiasm.

"I can hear Noah crying, I need to run, but I'll call you later?" Maya asked.

"Sure," Riley agreed, setting the phone back on her nightstand as the call ended.

Summer had fallen asleep and Riley moved the baby into one of the two bassinets that she kept on the side of the bed. Summer, usually, slept better in the room with Riley and Lucas at night and Riley would have liked to keep Mathew in the room with her, but it seemed to be better for everyone involved if she let him sleep in his crib.

Riley moved across the hall to check on the oldest of her two children and was relieved to find that Mathew was still asleep. She grabbed her baby monitor and darted towards the shower, hoping that she could get ten minutes to get the grime of motherhood off of her skin.

She started the water and picked out a set of the maternity clothes. She missed her old wardrobe, which she couldn't fit into and she hated the idea of buying clothes in a size bigger then what she had been wearing pre-pregnancy.

She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of hot water on her skin, as she stepped into the walk-in shower. The house was older, but had been remodeled by the previous owners to include a number of newer amenities.

Almost exactly ten minutes into her shower, she heard Mathew start fussing and she reluctantly turned off the water and got out. Wrapping her hair in a towel, she pulled on her clothes and made her way back to the nursery. Despite being in the house for almost three months, there were still unopened boxes everywhere and a dozen projects that they needed to get to. It didn't help that Riley was still recovering from her emergency C-section and Lucas was trying to run the animal clinic by himself.

"Hey, Baby, it's okay," Riley assured him, scooping him up from inside the crib.

If Summer looked like Lucas, Mathew had gotten all of the opposite genes. He had Riley's dark hair and weeks after he was born, his eyes had gone from light blue to brown. Riley rocked him in her arms as she returned to her bedroom to feed her second baby. She felt like she spent most of her time feeding them and she wasn't sure how they were going to do with the separation.

"Riles?" Farkle's voice called through the house and Riley snapped awake. Mathew was still nestled in her arms and Summer was staring at the ceiling and stretching her arms in the bassinet next to her.

"I'm up here," Riley called, as she moved Mathew to the bed next to her and adjusted her clothes.

"You look sleep-deprived," Farkle said, cheerfully as he entered the room with a book full of paint samples.

"I feel sleep-deprived," Riley laughed, as he sat down on the edge of the bed, "To what do I owe this visit?"

"We're trying to decide on what color to paint the yogurt shop," Farkle said, as he flipped through the box, "I like Rose Quartz, but Zay wants to go with Cabana Green."

"The red is warm and inviting, but the green seems fresh and exciting," Riley offered, "You should call Maya, she's better with stuff like this."

"I tried, but she's in the middle of some kind of project. I'd like to get it painted next week," Farkle explained, flipping through the book.

"Maya told me that they're not coming for Thanksgiving," Riley informed him and Farkle let out a groan.

"We have to tell her, we can't just keep dancing around the subject," he said.

"I know, but it's not the kind of thing that you tell someone over the phone," Riley pointed out.

"I'll talk to Zay," Farkle suggested, closing the book and standing up.

"You could stay for dinner. Zay's left a week's worth of experimental meals in our fridge," Riley offered, hopefully.

"I don't think so," Farkle said, "Thanks for your input on the paint colors."

"I'll see you around?" Riley asked as he made his way to the door.

"Of course," Farkle agreed, giving her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Riley let the twins play on a blanket in the middle of the living room, while she worked on unpacking boxes. Her and Lucas's things had become hopelessly mixed together and she never knew what she was going to find when she tore a box open. She hadn't realized just how many things they had accumulated over the years.

"Something smells good," Lucas greeted Riley, placing a kiss on her cheek as she looked up from the box of school essays she had hung onto.

"It's Shepherd's Pie, we still have three batches of mashed potatoes to eat," Riley laughed, as she shifted to another box that had Lucas's handwriting on the side. Zay was trying to figure out the perfect recipe for mashed potatoes and they hadn't quite managed to get it, yet. Consequently, Riley had gotten creative in how to serve them.

"You can leave the boxes for now, I'll help you with them later," Lucas suggested, gently taking the box from her and moving towards the stairs.

Riley leaned against the back of the couch and tried not to overthink things.

"Claire Hill," Riley read, speaking loud enough that Lucas could hear her from where he was washing the dinner dishes in the kitchen, "She has a bachelor's in early childhood development and four letters of recommendation from previous employers."

"Do you like her?" Lucas questioned, finishing off the dishes and joining her on the couch. Riley had the twins nestled on either side of her and was using a pillow to keep them propped up.

"On paper," Riley replied, handing over the file for him to read, "I just feel weird getting someone else to raise our children."

"She's not raising them, she's just going to be there for them when we can't," Lucas assured her, "And if you want more time, I'm sure Roy would give you another few months off."

"My patients are going to start looking for someone else and I have to work to keep my license," Riley sighed, though she wanted nothing more than to stay home with her children.

"It'll be hard at first, but we'll get into a routine and we'll make things work," Lucas said, wrapping his arm around her.

The doorbell rang and Lucas got up to get it. Riley watched as he led their potential nanny into the living room and she forced a smile onto her face. Claire was in her early thirties, according to her file, and had two school-aged children of her own.

"You must be Doctor Mathews," Claire greeted her, as Riley rose to shake her hand.

"You can call me Riley," Riley smiled, as Lucas returned to sit next to Riley.

"It's nice to meet you, my husband and I just moved here from Arizona," Claire informed them, sitting down across from them, "And there aren't a ton of people looking for nannies in Sunbreak."

"I've noticed that," Riley admitted, "How's your schedule?"

"I can work five days a week starting at eight. I do have to pick my kids up from school, but I have a van, so I could take the twins with me," Claire offered.

"How old are your children?" Lucas asked.

"My daughters are eight and ten," she replied, leaning back in her seat and smoothing her skirt.

"Having twins is kind of a handful, do you think you can handle it?" Riley questioned, though she already liked Claire. She had a good feeling about this nanny and the interview had gone a lot better than the last few.

"I've watched twins before and to be honest, my family could really use the extra money. My husband's teaching history at the high school and he loves his job, but it doesn't exactly pay back monetarily," Claire said, looking nervous.

"I think we'll talk it over tonight and let you know tomorrow," Lucas said, looking to Riley for a confirmation.

"It was very nice to meet you," Riley smiled, actually feeling like it was genuine.

Lucas led her back towards the front door and Riley turned her attention back to the babies in her arms.

"I liked her," Lucas said, returning to the room.

"Me too," Riley agreed.

Riley gave it another a week before she was ready to attempt going to the office. A part of her was ready to get back to work and be out of the house, but another part of her felt like doing so might kill her. She wrote lists of both of the twins schedules and twenty different emergency contacts, which she insisted on laminating and framing on the entryway wall.

"It's going to be fine," Lucas promised her, the night before she was set to go back.

"Then why do I feel so anxious?" Riley asked, "I've never been away from them for an entire day."

"You just throw yourself into your work and the day will be over before you know it," Lucas comforted her, as she got into the bed next to him.

The engagement ring box was glaring at her from the dresser and she winced at the intensity of the inanimate object's gaze.

"I've been thinking," Riley said, turning onto her side to face him.

"That can be dangerous," Lucas said, looking at her with concern.

"Maybe we should just go down to the courthouse and get a license. We could get a judge to marry us or I think Roy has a canoe. Does that give him the authority to marry someone?" Riley was momentarily sidetracked, "But we don't have to do the big ceremony. It can be something small and then we'll be married and we can move on."

"You want to elope without going anywhere?" Lucas clarified, looking at her as though she had lost her mind.

"I want your engagement ring to stop glaring at me," Riley announced, her eyes daring him to make fun of her.

"I want a real wedding, Riley. I want you in a white dress and me at an alter and all of our friends and family. I'm pretty sure that's what you want too," Lucas said, dismissing her suggestion.

"The same friends and family who got a wedding invite to you and Maya's wedding under a year ago?" Riley clarified, scooting away from him and pulling the covers more tightly around her, "If we do the big wedding, they'll all be comparing it to what you were planning with Maya and I'm the one who looks like she slept with her best friend's boyfriend and then stole her fiancé. What are people going to say, Lucas?"

"I don't care what they say. I'm not going to marry you at a court house so that we avoid people judging us. Don't you think that they'll do that, anyway?" Lucas pointed out.

"I could wear white at the court house," Riley suggested, "Or we could find a pastor, or a minister, or the captain of a ship. You want family, we could invite my parents and Auggie. Maya would probably kill me if she didn't get an invite."

"What about Farkle and Zay?" Lucas pressed and she could tell that he had already figured out why she wanted such a small wedding.

"I wasn't going to announce that we got married. I thought it could be a nice surprise that we spring on everyone in three, maybe five years," Riley informed him.

"You don't want to get married," Lucas sighed, turning onto his back.

"I just told you that I did," Riley argued.

"You're trying to do what you think will make me happy and Farkle, but this doesn't have anything to do with what you want," Lucas said and Riley turned to look at him again.

"I do want to marry you," Riley promised, her voice soft.

"But you're not ready yet and that's okay," Lucas assured her, reaching out and pulling her to his side.

The conversation was far from over, but Riley couldn't figure out what were the right words to say. She drifted off still trying to figure everything out.

Riley ran Claire through the schedule and where everything was three times before Lucas finally managed to drag her from the house. Riley had thought that she was ready, but she really wasn't.

"Are you going to be okay?" Lucas questioned, as she unlocked her car.

"I don't know," Riley admitted, resisting the urge to dissolve into tears, "I don't want to leave them."

"Riles, you're going back part-time. You just have to make it to lunch," Lucas reminded her, "And you keep mentioning how much you've missed your work."

"I know," Riley agreed, kissing him before he moved towards his own car.

"I'll see you tonight," Lucas said, waving to her as he got into his own car.

It took Riley twenty minutes of sobbing in the driveway before she was able to get her emotions under control. She missed her kids more then what she thought it was possible to miss someone and they were under twenty feet away from her. She had no idea how she was going to get through the day.

She, finally, pulled out of the driveway and started the familiar drive to the medical practice. She'd taken the twins with her to the practice a couple of times when she had needed to see patients and done a couple of night appointments to compensate for her need to stay home during the day, but she was still dreading the pile of work that she knew was waiting for her.

"Good morning, Doctor Mathews," Jennifer greeted Riley, enthusiastically. Despite the fact that she was several months pregnant, Jennifer was doing a remarkable job of hiding her pregnancy and as far as Riley knew, Riley was the only one aware of it.

"Morning," Riley offered, making her way into her office.

"I noticed that the frames for your medical license and diploma were shattered, so I took the liberty of having them reframed. I hope you don't mind," Jennifer said as she trailed along behind Riley.

"That was really nice," Riley admitted, looking at the frames that Jennifer had positioned on her desk.

"I just really appreciate the job and everything that you've done for me," Jennifer gushed.

"I was happy to help," Riley replied, picking up the frames and turning to the section of wall that they belonged on. She slowly made her way over and slipped them back into place.

"You have three patients scheduled for today, starting at ten," Jennifer informed her, when Riley turned around.

"Okay, let me know when they're here," Riley said, sitting in her chair and logging in to her computer.

"Will do," Jennifer agreed, disappearing back down the hallway.

Riley straightened the picture that she had placed on her desk, of her and Blake at a high school basketball game, that had once sat on his own desk. There was a part of her that was glad to be back, but as she pulled the picture she had stolen from home of Lucas and her with the twins, she couldn't help thinking that she would be just as happy when her work day was over.

"Riley, it's good to have you back," Roy greeted her, leaning against the doorway.

"It's good to be back," Riley replied, turning to face him.

"It'll get easier," he promised, seeming to know all the difficulties behind the smile on her face.

"Thanks."

"I have a constitutional right to walk around naked on my own property," Zay informed the waiting room, his voice carrying all the way to Riley's office. He was still receiving disapproving stares from patients when Riley made her way down the hall.

"Where in the constitution does it say that?" Farkle pressed, sharing a look with Jennifer; who smiled shyly at him.

"Aren't you renting?" Riley added, and two heads turned in her direction.

"Twins still not sleeping?" Zay asked, looking at her sympathetically.

"Not at the same time, no," Riley replied, feeling the need to find a mirror and see what had given her away.

"You have bags under your eyes," Farkle added, helpfully, and Riley glared at him.

"What's going on with you two?" Riley demanded, desperate to get the attention away from herself.

"You want to hear a good Zay story?" Farkle asked, hysteria in his voice, "He was up at 4 AM this morning, sitting outside without any clothing on. He's going to get us evicted."

"We live in the middle of nowhere and I don't think the chickens or your goat were all that offended," Zay shrugged it off.

"I was offended," Farkle informed him.

"You weren't this up in arms when Riley used to walk around your place naked," Zay accused him and Jennifer looked at Riley with interest.

"It wasn't like that. I was wearing a bathrobe," Riley was quick to defend herself, but neither Zay nor Farkle seemed to hear her.

"And you do plenty of things that annoy me," Zay continued.

"Like what?" Farkle asked, glaring at him.

"You let your goat into the house and she eats everything. I don't think I have any shoelaces left," Zay complained.

"It wouldn't be a problem, if you ever put your shoes away," Farkle contested.

"It wouldn't be a problem if the farm animals stayed outside, where they belong," Zay countered.

"I let you in the house, don't I?" Farkle questioned.

"Boys, as interesting as this argument is. Could you please take it out of this fine establishment that I built with my own blood, sweat and tears?" Roy questioned, entering the room with a patient file in his hands.

"Of course, Doctor Harding, I would hate to disrespect your constitutional rights to carry on your business in the way that you choose to," Zay offered, nudging Farkle with his elbow.

"Where does it say that in the constitution?" Farkle repeated, following Zay out the door.

"They had to buy the building next to ours," Roy groaned, before turning to the woman who was waiting for him, "Why don't you come on back?"

By ten, all of Riley's patients for the day had cancelled and Riley was sitting on the edge of the reception desk.

"Did they give you a reason?" Riley questioned, trying to deal with the turn of events.

"No, but a new birthing center just opened up in Branson and I've heard that it's really nice," Jennifer admitted.

"You really think that they're driving all the way to Branson for medical care?" Riley asked.

"If I didn't work here, I would have considered it and you have been gone for three months," Jennifer reminded her.

"Great," Riley groaned.

"I was going to run out for lunch, do you want anything?" Roy asked, as he left his office. Riley had packed up her things for the day and was getting ready to leave herself.

"I brought my lunch," Jennifer assured him, looking up from her work.

"I'll walk out with you," Riley suggested, grabbing her purse from the floor.

"How was your first day back?" Roy questioned.

"I had three cancelations today," Riley groaned, looking at him with worry.

"It's just your first day back, I'm sure things will pick up," Roy assured her, patting her back.

But Riley wasn't entirely sure.

 **I was going to wait to post this, but I decided not to. Heat Stroke will have first priority as far as updates go because a lot of the stuff there is going to influence things in the plot here, but I hope to update regularly. Thanks for reading! I would love it if you would leave me a review and let me know what you think!**


	2. Thank You

"I just don't get it," Riley complained, picking at the fry on her plate. She had a patient in active labor at the hospital and had been waiting for her to deliver for the past few hours. She was currently having lunch with her previous OB/GYN, Isla Green.

"You're constantly delivering babies at your office, right? Is it all that weird that your patients see a birthing center as an attractive option?" Isla pointed out, stretching her neck.

"I guess not, I just thought that I had developed a good relationship with them. I've almost been here for a year now," Riley offered, leaning her head in her hand and shoving the food away. She knew that she shouldn't be eating it, but she was so stressed out and had been craving something greasy the entire day.

"Do you know who's running it?" Isla questioned.

"There are two midwives and three doctors," Riley replied, "None of them are names that I'm familiar with, but I do think that they're older and probably have more experience."

"What if you converted a room in your office into a birthing suite? Being a family practice has got to be just as attractive as driving to Branson," Isla suggested, "It's like the best of both worlds."

"Except that with Roy's new job as coroner, he's not accepting any new patients. His side of the practice is doing fine," Riley complained.

"But it's making yours more difficult," Isla picked up the train of her thought.

"And meanwhile, I never see Lucas because he's constantly busy with work," Riley added, leaning back.

"Well, we're always looking for someone good to help out in maternity. If you need to pick up a few more hours a week let me know and we can pull some strings," Isla assured her.

"Thanks," Riley forced a smile. The drive to the hospital was killer, but she needed to be working if she wanted to keep her license.

"Riley," a new voice greeted them and Riley looked at Zay in surprise.

"What are you doing here?" Riley asked, standing up from her seat as she looked him over for an injury.

"I was in the area meeting with suppliers," Zay replied, "I heard from Luke that you were here and a very cute nurse suggested that I try the cafeteria."

"Well, here I am," Riley extended her arms, as his attention shifted to her companion.

"I don't believe that we've been introduced, but I feel like I know you from somewhere," Zay smiled at her, extending his hand as Isla looked at him skeptically.

"She helped to deliver the twins," Riley offered, amused at the interaction.

"I'm Zay," Zay pressed, as she ignored his offered hand.

"You should stick to the nurses. I'm not as easily charmed," Isla offered, moving passed him as she left the cafeteria.

"What's her name?" Zay turned to Riley.

"Isla Green," Riley replied.

"I like her," Zay said, smiling as his attention turned back to the way that she had left.

"You like anything female," Riley reminded him, though she was already playing matchmaker and naming their children in her head.

"Are you going to finish those?" Zay's attention turned to the uneaten fries.

"Go for it," Riley suggested, stepping aside so that he could sit in the spot that she had just vacated. Her pager went off in her hand and she smiled at him apologetically, "I've got to get back to work."

"You bring life into this world!" Zay called after her, his voice encouraging. Riley winced at the stares that followed her into the hallway.

Riley dumped her workbag inside of the door and kicked off her shoes as she entered the house. Her feet were aching and her hair was falling out of the ponytail that she had secured it in before she had left that morning.

Even with the epidural, the labor had been brutal. The woman had been adamant about not wanting a C-section, but Riley couldn't get the baby turned the right way and after an hour of pushing, had finally talked the woman into a C-section. It would have been nice to get an easy labor; she could really use a win.

"Both of the kids are down," Claire announced from where she was reading a book on the couch.

"Thank you so much for staying late. I'll pay you overtime," Riley promised, watching as the nanny packed her things for the day.

"I don't mind the overtime. My girls love your twins and my husband was able to pick them up from here after he got off work," Claire assured her, as Riley followed her to the front door.

"Well, I appreciate it. You haven't heard from Lucas, have you?"

"Not since he called to tell me he was running late," Claire replied, glancing down at her watch.

"I'll call him again," Riley brushed it off, opening the door and watching as Claire got into her car.

Riley grabbed the breastmilk she had pumped at the hospital out of her bag and added it to what she was stockpiling in the freezer. She was too tired to even microwave whatever leftovers were in the fridge and she grabbed the baby monitor as she headed for the stairs.

She paused in the nursery and found that both of the babies were sleeping peacefully. She didn't know it was possible to love another human being as much as she loved them and she couldn't help being relieved that she was finally home. She was doing a half day the next day and then the practice would be closed Saturday and Sunday and she would be able to spend the entire day with them.

She carefully closed the nursery door behind her and walked to her bedroom. She decided to take the rare opportunity to shower and enjoyed the time that had to actually shave her legs. She felt almost human as she wrapped herself in her robe and combed through her wet hair.

"Riles," Lucas knocked once on the bathroom door before he came in.

Riley turned to look at him, fully prepared to complain about making the nanny stay late, but stopped when she saw him, "You are covered in mud."

"I fell in a pit of mud," he informed her in agitation, as she backed away from him and tried really hard to keep a straight face.

"That would explain it," she offered and he glared at her.

"I was trying to deliver a foal," he returned, as she stared intently passed his shoulder and tried not to smile.

"That's very noble of you," she said, her voice cracking through the words.

"You're going to laugh at me, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am, but I love you very much," Riley offered before she doubled over in laughter.

"We'll see how hard you're laughing when I give you a hug," Lucas informed her, closing the distance between them.

"Lucas, I just took a shower," she panicked, her back hitting the wall next to the door to the shower.

"I hope you saved some hot water."

"You get any of that mud on me and you'll be in hot water," Riley said boldly, placing her hands on her hips.

Lucas paused, leaving an inch of space between them and she looked up at him in terror before he lowered his lips to hers and she found her hands running through his mud-splattered hair. He closed the distance between them, resting his hands on the wall above her and probably leaving muddy handprints.

"I missed you," he informed her, when he pulled away from the kiss and rested his forehead against hers.

"I think you'd better take those clothes off in the shower before you get anything else dirty," she suggested, looking down at her once white bathrobe.

"You offering to help?" he asked, his eyes burning as they stared into hers.

"I don't think you're ever going to get all of that mud off of you yourself," she returned, moving into the shower and turning it on. She stepped out of the way of the spray and turned to face the love of her life, "I missed you, too."

Riley was curled up on the bed, sometime later, with Summer nestled against her. Her hair was wet and she knew that she was leaving a giant puddle on her pillow, but she figured that it would dry. Compared to the current state of the bathroom, it really wasn't anything to get upset about.

She had just finished feeding the baby and both of them were on the verge of sleep, while Lucas worked on his laptop from beside them.

"You need to get some help," Riley said, shifting the baby into the bassinet and turning to look at him.

"I know, I just keep thinking about how Jack did it all by himself," Lucas admitted, rubbing his eyes.

"He didn't do it all himself, his daughter helped him out," Riley corrected him.

"I'll look into it, okay?" Lucas closed the laptop, turning to look at her, "Are we going to talk about your day?"

"I got offered a job at the hospital," Riley admitted, waiting to see his reaction.

"That would be a long commute," Lucas pointed out, keeping his face blank.

"I'm just not sure that I'm going to be able to compete with the birthing center in Branson and we need the money. We both have student loans and the business loans that we used to buy both of our practices and the house," Riley listed, becoming stressed as she listed all of them.

"We'll figure it out," Lucas promised her, reaching across the bed and pulling her to him, "We're making all of our payments."

"I love my job," Riley sighed, resting her head on his chest, "So, why does all of this have to be so hard?"

"Because nothing that's worth it every comes easily. Just look at you and me," he reminded her, rubbing circles with his thumb along her shoulder.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Lucas Friar," Riley informed him.

"So, _when_ you marry me," he started.

"I'm keeping my name," she cut him off, not bothering to move from where she was nestled.

"You don't think that it will be weird for the kids to have a different last name than you?" Lucas asked.

"I think you put entirely too much thought into this," Riley returned, her voice going groggy as sleep got ahold of her.

"You said the same thing about the kids and by the time they were here I changed your mind," Lucas reminded her.

"Lucas, go to sleep," Riley insisted and she felt his chest vibrate with silent laughter as he reached over to turn off the light on his bedside table.

"Domestic bliss suits you," Farkle informed her as she entered the practice the next morning.

"The kids slept for six hours last night," Riley replied, leaning over the reception desk as she tried to see what he was doing.

"Jennifer's been having some problems with the computer, I told her that I would see about it," Farkle explained, "And don't give me that look."

"What look?" Riley asked, innocently.

"The look that says since you're so incredibly happy, you need to make sure that everyone else is happy, too," Farkle replied.

"I like Jennifer," Riley insisted, although she knew that Jennifer's pregnancy would be an added complication. Then again, he'd planned to help her out with hers when she was planning to have IVF, so maybe it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

"You want to set someone else up, set up Zay with that doctor that he won't stop talking about," Farkle suggested, typing something.

"She's my doctor. I can't set her up with Zay, if it goes badly it might forever reflect in my medical care," Riley protested, "Although will you give him this number for me? One of the nurses wanted me to pass it along."

"I need to figure out what pickup lines he uses. They must have gotten a lot better since high school," Farkle mused, finishing with whatever he was doing and turning to look at Riley.

"You know who would totally go for your pickup lines?" Riley asked, smiling at him.

"I'm not looking for a relationship right now," Farke said seriously and Riley knew it was time to let it drop.

"What did you do with my receptionist?" Riley asked, surprised that she hadn't seen Jennifer, yet.

"She went to the bathroom a few minutes ago," Farkle shrugged, "But when she gets out, will you let her know that I think I've fixed it."

"I will pass it along," Riley agreed, watching as he made his way towards the door.

Riley made her way to her office and dropped off her things, glancing at the clock on her wall and frowning. Jennifer was spending an awfully long time in the bathroom. Riley gave her another three minutes before she went to see what was wrong.

"Everything okay?" Riley called as she knocked on the door.

She tested the handle and pushed it open when she found it unlocked. Jennifer was kneeling over the toilet as she threw up and Riley sunk down next to her and pulled her hair out of the way. Rubbing circles on the younger girls back, Riley waited for her to finish.

"I thought the morning sickness would get better after I got passed three months," Jennifer complained, in between gasps of air.

"For some women it doesn't," Riley admitted, standing up to dampen a paper towel and handing it to her.

Jennifer wiped off her face and groaned as she shifted so that she was leaning against the bathroom wall, "I'm not sure that I can do this on my own. I'm sick all the time and everything aches."

"It's worth it," Riley promised, "When you hold your baby at the end, it's worth it."

"I just never thought I would be a single mom," Jennifer admitted, "But I've always gone for all the wrong guys."

"You should start letting people know that you're pregnant. You can't keep hiding it forever," Riley suggested, "And it would help if you had people to support you."

"You still haven't told me what I should bring for Thanksgiving," Jennifer changed the subject.

"We have so much food that you really should just show up," Riley assured her, opening the door.

"I'm just going to brush my teeth and I'll get back to work," Jennifer said, leaning her head against the back of the wall.

"Okay," Riley sighed, letting the door close.

 **Thanks for reading! I would love it if you would leave me a review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Little Talks

Riley shifted in the bed, kicking her feet out from under the sheets as she tried to regulate her temperature. She could feel the sweat that was building on the back of her neck and she felt sticky, which was not one of the feelings that Riley enjoyed.

Twisting onto her side, she attempted to find a cool patch on her pillow, but everything around her was just adding to the heat.

"You're never this active of a sleeper," Lucas informed her, his voice choked with sleep.

"You've obviously forgotten my last three months of pregnancy," Riley reminded him, flipping over her pillow and discovering that the other side wasn't any colder than the top had been.

"I could go adjust the thermostat," Lucas suggested.

"We're not turning on the air conditioning in November," Riley snorted and she didn't have to see him to know that he was rolling his eyes.

Her phone started buzzing on her bedside table and Riley groaned as she reached over to snatch it, "Hello?"

"Riley, I need you to get down to the yogurt shop," Roy's voice came over the phone, "I think the heat might be causing your boys to become delusional."

"Unless, they think they're pregnant, I'm not sure what you think I can do to help," Riley said, sitting up.

"They moved up their opening date by six months. They woke me up at midnight to come and help them paint," Roy pleaded.

"It's four in the morning," Riley pointed out.

"They won't let me leave," Roy's voice lowered, "I've locked myself in the bathroom, but I think they're going to come and check on me soon."

"Why did you go with them at midnight?" Riley asked, swinging her legs over the bed.

"They told me there was a dead body," Roy offered and Riley let out a groan.

"I'll be there in twenty," she promised, hanging up the phone.

"Is there a baby?" Lucas questioned, as she pulled open the drawer and snagged a pair of scrubs.

"There are three of them," Riley replied, going into the bathroom to change.

Riley parked along the street and stopped to look at what was going on inside of the yogurt shop. It appeared that they were doing half of the shop in Cabana Green and the other half in Rose Quartz. The boys appeared to be covered in a mixture of both.

Riley made her way out of the car and into the shop, "What's going on?"

"The Fates have spoken to us and told us that we have to open now," Farkle replied, barely glancing up from the trim that he was painting.

"The Fates had nothing to do with it," Zay replied, "We just figured this heat wave would bring in a lot of business."

"Until it breaks and we go back to being in the middle of winter," Roy pointed out, from where he was sitting on the floor and painting the same section of wall over and over again.

"We have winter flavors," Farkle informed them, "Zay's developing a wonderful frozen hot chocolate and his Christmas Mint is delicious."

"It tastes like toothpaste," Zay added, his face lighting up.

"Well, I see nothing wrong with this," Riley shrugged, turning back towards the doorway.

"If you see nothing wrong with this, then you won't mind helping out," Roy called after her.

"We could use the extra set of hands," Farkle added and Riley found herself running through a list of excuses.

"I would love to, but I can't be around the fumes," Riley said.

"Why not?" Roy enquired, his voice taking on a dangerous tone.

"It wouldn't be good for the babies," Riley tried, coming up with the explanation on the spot.

"It's a good thing that you left them at home," Roy pointed out, as Zay looked between the two of them with amusement.

"Roy, did you go through a three-year residency in maternal medicine?" Riley asked.

"No, but I gave you your job," he pointed out and Riley let out a groan.

"Do you have another paint brush?"

Three hours later they had finished the walls and Roy was sleeping curled up in the sheets that they had used to protect the floors. Zay had fallen asleep on the roller he had been painting with and Farkle was sitting back and admiring his work.

Light had started filtering in through the front of the shop and Riley glanced down at her paint-splattered scrubs. They would never be seeing the inside of an OR again, but she was glad that she hadn't been wearing anything nicer.

"I have to get back home and feed the babies before the nanny gets there," Riley informed Farkle, wiping her hands on a towel that had been left on the ground.

"Thanks for the help, Riles," Farkle smiled at her, getting up to walk her to the door.

"I wasn't sleeping, anyway," Riley replied, pausing in the doorway.

She could tell that there was something that he wanted to tell her, but she wasn't entirely sure that she was ready for any kind of serious conversation with Farkle. He had been there for her through most of her life and she didn't want to lose the friendship that they had.

"Lucas told me that you turned down his proposal," Farkle informed her, breaking the silence.

"He did?" Riley asked, unsure how to explain herself.

"Riley, I love you enough that I want you to be happy, so you can understand why I'm asking what you were thinking?" Farkle said, his voice rising as he reached the end of his statement.

"I was thinking that it was too much, too soon," Riley explained, "We had just gotten back together, bought a house, had twins."

"You and Lucas have loved each other for something like twenty years; he's it for you, you're it for him. Anyone who spends ten minutes in a room with the two of you knows that, so will you please go home and put on that ring that Lucas has been carrying around for such a long time?"

"I don't think that it's that easy. I think that I have to make all of this up to him first," Riley admitted.

"You and Lucas overcomplicate things, you know that, right?" Farkle groaned in frustration.

"Says the person who won't ask out the receptionist that is completely into him," Riley reminded him, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"She's Maya's half-sister," Farkle hissed, lowering his voice, "And she's like seven years younger than me."

"You're saying that like it's a bad thing," Riley said.

"It's a complicated thing, unlike you and the father of your children."

"You're really okay with Lucas and I getting engaged?" Riley felt the need to ask, staring at him intently.

"I've been waiting to be Lucas's best man for twenty years. You, kind of, ruined my last opportunity, so this is the least that you can do to make it up to me," Farkle smiled and Riley let out a laugh.

"I'll see you later," Riley said, unlocking her car and leaving the shop.

Riley entered the house, quietly closing the front door behind her. Lucas was sitting on the couch feeding Summer from a bottle and he seemed completely engrossed in their daughter. She'd always known that Lucas was going to be a good father, but she found herself overwhelmed with gratitude that he'd ended up the father of her children.

"Good morning," she greeted him, slipping her arms around his neck from behind the couch and kissing his cheek.

"You going to tell me where you've been?" he asked, his attention still not shifting from the baby.

"Farkle and Zay have decided to open their shop this week and they kidnapped some manual labor to help them. I figured I'd better go smooth things over," Riley informed him.

"And did you?"

"I don't think Roy's going to press charges, but I am now covered in Cabana Green paint," Riley gestured to her clothes.

"You know, I think I might like this better than the purple," Lucas informed her, "It brings out your eyes."

"There is no better color to be splattered in then purple," Riley snorted, heading for the stairs.

She had just finished showering and was combing out her hair when Lucas opened the bathroom door, "I've got to get into work, Summer is in her bassinet and Mathew just woke up in his crib."

"Okay, I'll see you tonight," Riley wound her arms around his neck, still holding her comb, and pressed her lips to his. His hands had just found their way around her waist, when she picked up the sound of Mathew crying and reluctantly pulled away.

"I might be a little bit late, I'm interviewing for some help," Lucas informed her, as he headed for the door and she headed for Mathew.

"Will you call and let me know, so that we don't inconvenience Claire, again?" Riley asked, pausing in the nursery doorway.

"I will. Love you," he called, disappearing down the stairs.

"I love you, too," she said under her breath, entering the nursery and grabbing Mathew from his crib.

She had just finished feeding him when she heard Claire knocking at the door and Riley hurried to answer it. She had a burp cloth over her shoulder and Mathew nestled in her arms.

"This heat is killer, isn't it?" Claire asked, taking Mathew from Riley as they both made their way into the living room.

"I've heard that it's only going to get worse," Riley admitted, setting the burp cloth on the couch and grabbing her bag, "Summer is upstairs in my room and I just finished feeding Matt."

"Leaving them never gets easier, does it?" Claire questioned, knowingly as Riley hesitated.

"No, it doesn't," Riley sighed, "Lucas told me that he may be working late tonight, but I'm going to try to be home on time. I'll call and let you know."

"You warned me that you worked some crazy hours," Claire reminded her.

"I know, I'll see you tonight," Riley planted a kiss on Mathew's head before she grabbed her keys off the counter and headed to the garage.

Riley parked in her usual parking space and reluctantly turned off the car, resisting the urge to groan when the air conditioning went off. It was still morning and the heat was already becoming unbearable.

"You had two appointments cancel on account of the weather. They said they would reschedule for after the wave broke," Jennifer informed her, as Riley entered the practice.

"Great," Riley groaned, stopping in front of the fan that had been set up in the waiting room.

"I don't like this. Nothing good comes from a heat wave," Roy informed them as he entered through the front door.

"I disagree, the pregnancy rates tend to skyrocket nine months later," a familiar voice followed along behind him and Riley looked up in surprise.

"Lydia, what are you doing here?" Riley asked, as her mentor snagged a magazine from the waiting room table and started fanning herself with it.

"I'm getting a divorce," Lydia informed them, her voice taking on a tone of bitterness.

"I found her waiting at the house when I finally got home this morning," Roy supplied, giving Riley a glare before he entered his office.

"What happened?" Riley turned her attention back to Lydia.

"It was a long time coming. We've been putting off the inevitable for years," Lydia shrugged, "And now he's demanding spousal support."

"Are you going to give it to him?" Riley asked.

"My lawyer in LA thinks that he has a pretty good case, which is actually part of the reason why I'm here," Lydia admitted, "You said that your friend was a family practice lawyer, didn't you?"

"Farkle, he's the best," Riley offered, "But I think that he's semi-retired."

"Do you think he'd be willing to look over my case?" Lydia enquired.

"I'll ask," Riley agreed, "What's the other reason why you're here?"

"Moving to LA was Aaron's dream, this is home. I want to sell my LA practice and move back. Maybe we can finally talk Roy into the expansions that this place needs," Lydia replied, glancing around the office.

"They just opened a birthing center in Branson, we're losing patients left and right, and it's eating into our revenue. I'm not sure that we're going to talk him into anything," Riley admitted, sinking into one of the waiting room chairs.

"Riley, if there's anything that I know how to do, it's go to war."

 **I'm sorry for how short this chapter is. There are going to be several plot lines in this story that explore things that I've set up in Heat Stroke. I'll explain enough that both stories can still stand on their own, but I've had to alter when I introduce some of the plot lines in Timing, so that they don't mess with what I'm revealing in Heat Stroke and between that and my frustration with the last few episodes of GMW, it's made writing for Timing difficult.**

 **But I am incredibly excited to bring in the Lydia arc and what it's going to mean for Riley and the practice, as well as for Farkle as he decides what he wants his professional future to look like. I promise that some exciting things are coming (Including a visit from a GMW character, who hasn't been in Laws of Motion, Heat Stroke, or Laws of Timing. Extra credit to anyone who can guess who it is.) Thanks for reading and thanks to everyone who has reviewed! You guys are amazing!**


	4. Ships in the Night

**Disclaimer: I use about 98% accurate medical facts and 2% creative embellishments. I like to try and keep things accurate, but I occasionally alter things a little bit to fit it into the plot. Also, I don't live in Wyoming, so I try to mesh together fact and my own creative spin on what it's like to live there, but I fully accept that I'm not entirely accurate. Please bear with me through my creative embellishing.**

Riley kicked off her shoes, as she finally managed to make it into her bedroom. She'd fed both of the babies and tried to catch up on the massive pile of laundry that she was running behind on. Then, she'd unpacked several boxes and cleaned out the food stacked in her fridge, which had been sitting inside of it long enough to be questionable.

Both of the babies were sleeping and Riley had the baby monitor tucked into her hand, which allowed her to check on Matt. She couldn't actually remember the last time that she had been in the house and it had been this quiet, but she finds herself surprised that she isn't enjoying it. The rooms feel empty and there isn't enough artwork on the walls to really make it feel like home. It's a building where her children, Lucas, and her sleep. It's a place where they live and at the moment, it's a place where she feels incredibly alone.

She slipped out of her work clothes and pulled on the shorts and tank top that she had been sleeping in for the last few days. The heatwave had yet to break and insanity was still running wild. Zay had been passing out free samples in town square, while Farkle finished negotiating with suppliers and supervising the installation of everything that was left in their shop.

She'd, also, had to patch up people from a number of fights that had broken out across town for strange and bizarre reasons. Then, she'd watched as someone got arrested for indecent exposure in the fountain that resided in a park she passed on the way home. She'd actually stopped to make sure that it wasn't Zay, which it, thankfully, wasn't.

She had just collapsed on the bed when her phone started to vibrate and she let out a groan. Fumbling around the bedspread for where she had tossed her phone when she had first entered the room, her fingers finally found purchase.

"Doctor Mathews," Riley answered, hoping that it wasn't an emergency. She hadn't heard from Lucas since that morning and she really didn't want to call Claire and ask her to come back.

"Riley?" a voice asked, quietly, and Riley felt concern pulse through her at the tone.

"Hailey, what's going on?" Riley demanded, sitting up in the bed.

"I know that I wasn't supposed to be home until next week, but I just needed to get out of the city. I'm at the airport right now and Daddy isn't answering his phone. Can you come get me?" Hailey questioned, her voice close to tears.

"I'm on my way," Riley promised, not even having to think through the request.

She pulled a pair of scrub pants over her shorts and grabbed her wallet, making sure that she had everything that she needed before she moved over to Summer. Summer didn't stir as she picked her up and took her downstairs to where Riley stored the car seats. She buckled Summer and made a return trip upstairs to grab Mathew.

She had to take individual trips to get the twins into the car and she dumped the diaper bag and her purse in the backseat before she managed to get the car started. She was out of the driveway and onto the main highway before she realized that she probably should have let someone know where she was going.

Her phone was in the back of the car and she wasn't going to pull over to try and find it, so she focused her attention on the road and hoped that Lucas wouldn't be too upset when he came home to an empty house. _If_ he came home.

His interviewing process had been slow and he still hadn't found anyone to help him. That meant he was still working long hours and they were seeing less and less of each other.

She'd been to the airport enough times that she knew how to get there, but the drive was almost four hours. She stopped halfway there to get gas and groaned when she saw the number of missed calls on her phone. It was nearly midnight and she'd received calls from Zay, Farkle, Roy, Jennifer, Lydia, and Lucas.

Dialing Lucas's number, she reluctantly waited for her car to finish filling with gas and looked at her sleeping children in the backseat. They'd managed to sleep through the entire car ride, so far, but she knew that she would need to stop and feed them when she finally made it to the airport.

"Where are you?" Lucas demanded, not even bothering with a greeting as the call connected.

"I'm in Rock Springs," she replied, returning the nozzle to where she had gotten it from.

"You want to tell me what you're doing there in the middle of the night?" Lucas asked, his tone conveying that she should be offering more of an explanation on her own and he shouldn't be having to press her for it. She'd seen Lucas angry before, but she was rarely on the end of his anger and she wasn't entirely sure how to handle it.

"I got a call from Hailey saying that she needed someone to pick her up from the airport," Riley informed him, snagging her receipt as it printed out and returning to the front seat of her car.

"And there wasn't anyone else who could go get her?" Lucas pointed out, though his tone softened, slightly.

"I wasn't really thinking, she needed me and I needed to get there," Riley explained.

"You can't just take off in the middle of the night without telling me, Riles. A message would have been nice or maybe a note," Lucas suggested.

"I called you on my way home from work, you didn't pick up," Riley reminded him, glancing at the clock as she realized that she was wasting time talking to him. She still had another two hours to go and their argument would still be waiting when she got home.

"So, you punish me by taking our children and disappearing into the night?" Lucas asked, his voice filled with disbelief and annoyance.

"We can talk about it when I get home. She's been stuck at the airport for the last four hours, Lucas and it's really late. The babies are fine, I'm fine. We'll be home, soon," she assured him.

"You can't drive eight hours in the middle of the night. You should probably get a hotel and drive back in the morning," Lucas offered, seeming to set aside his personal feelings as he realized that there was nothing he could do.

"I'll think about it," Riley said, thinking about the patients that she was supposed to be seeing tomorrow. She needed every patient that she could get and Lydia was supposed to be meeting with Farkle to go over her legal case. With the amount of time that Farkle was putting into the yogurt shop, she hated to try and rearrange everything.

"Riley," he warned, sounding exhausted.

"Can you, please, just trust me to make the right decision, here?" Riley asked, her own frustration becoming evident.

"I don't know," Lucas admitted and something inside of her snapped.

"I'll see you at home," she said, ending the call before she said something that she was going to regret.

Riley can hear Summer starting to stir in the backseat when she pulled up into the pickup zone and watched as Hailey made her way over to her. All she had was a carry-on and there was something in the way that her shoulders were sagging that made her look completely exhausted.

"Hi," Hailey greeted her, as Riley got out of the car and popped the trunk for her bag.

"What's going on?" Riley asked, pulling the younger girl into a hug.

"It's just stupid boy drama," Hailey admitted, shoving her bag into the trunk, "I finished my finals early and I just wanted to be home and cuddle with my goat."

"You want to talk about it?" Riley questioned, opening the side door so that she could retrieve Summer and feed her in the front seat.

"Yeah, I know, taking a goat to New York wasn't my smartest idea," she offers, settling into the passenger's seat.

"I meant the boy drama," Riley corrected her, stroking her daughter's hair as she settled in to feed her.

"I go for guys that are completely unavailable; that are either too old for me or in a relationship with someone else," Hailey complained.

"What about that guy from your high school?" Riley pointed out, vaguely remembering that she had teased Hailey about someone around the time of the elections.

"He moved to California to pursue a career as a professional magician," Hailey informed her and Riley winced, "I don't make good decisions when it comes to guys, but we can't all have an epic love story with the guy we met in middle school."

"If by, 'epic,' you mean long," Riley offered, thinking of how stressful everything had been lately.

"You and Lucas are supposed to be the couple that I can look at and go, 'True love still exists,'" Hailey groaned, looking at her incredulously.

"We'll work things out," Riley offered, wondering why the words sounded so wrong in her mouth.

"If you didn't have the twins, would you be with him?" Hailey questioned and Riley was partially surprised that she had voiced the question that Riley had spent so many late nights thinking about.

"I love him," Riley replied, "Would you hand me, Matt?"

Riley slipped out the driver's seat and buckled Summer in the back, as Hailey retrieved the second baby from the other side of the car.

"You look exhausted; you want me to drive home?" Hailey asked, as she handed over the second child.

"You're probably at least as tired as I am," Riley pointed out, stroking her son's nose until he was awake enough to eat.

"I slept on the plane," Hailey informed her.

"Okay," Riley agreed, knowing that it might help with the argument that would be waiting for her at home.

Riley finished feeding Mathew and traded sides with Hailey, as she secured Mathew in the backseat and took her turn in the passenger's seat. Hailey turned on the radio and turned the volume down just enough that it kept the silence from being too much.

"So, you survived your first semester," Riley offered, needing something lighter to take her mind off of everything that was running through it.

"I like the classes that I'm taking and I've made some good friends," Hailey shrugged, her eyes focusing on the road.

"But?" Riley prompted.

"Everyone there is busy and completely caught up in their own lives. I just," Hailey paused for a minute, "I miss the stars."

"I can't imagine living there again, especially now that I have the twins. I like that there's so much open space for them to play," Riley admitted, "And that we can afford to buy a house that has room to grow in."

"There's that, too. Everything is so expensive," Hailey complained.

"I was close enough to my parents that I saw them pretty regularly my first year of college, but I think that feeling lost is a part of growing up. It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and all of my friends moved away," Riley attempted to comfort her, "You get through the next few years and if you still don't like it, you can transfer."

"How's dad doing?" Hailey changed the subject.

"He's keeping pretty busy with everything. Especially, with your aunt moving back."

"I didn't hear that. I thought that Uncle Aaron would die before he ever agreed to live here, again," Hailey admitted, glancing over at Riley.

"I thought someone would have called and told you what was going on," Riley confessed, wondering how annoyed Roy and Lydia were going to be when they found out that she had told Hailey. She was going to be in fights with everyone by the time this night was over.

"What's going on?" Hailey demanded.

"Your aunt is getting a divorce," Riley replied, knowing that it was too late to take anything back now.

"Oh," Hailey said, her voice going flat as she tried to process the information.

"You okay?" Riley questioned, knowing that she probably shouldn't be giving distressing news to the driver.

"I knew that they were having trouble, but I just thought that they would work through it," Hailey admitted.

They lapsed into silence and Riley drifted off. When she woke up again, they were pulling passed the, "Welcome to Daybreak," sign and it was nearly six o'clock in the morning. Someone must have something against her getting a full night of rest. Between the twins, Farkle and Zay, and her emergency deliveries, she couldn't remember the last consecutive eight hours of sleep she had gotten.

Lights were flickering on in houses and she noticed a group of students lined up at a corner waiting for a bus. She tried to imagine seeing her own children off to school and couldn't do it. She wanted them to stay little forever.

"Do you mind stopping at my house? I need to drop the twins off with the nanny and get a set of work clothes. I'll drop you off at home before I go in to the practice," Riley suggested, as they approached her turn.

"Sure, I haven't actually seen your house, yet," Hailey pointed out.

Riley guided the younger girl through the directions and they pulled up just as the sun started peaking over the horizon.

"I like the barn," Hailey offered and Riley let out a snort.

"It's falling apart. Lucas has promised that he's going to rebuild it, but we've barely found the time to unpack, let alone do yardwork," Riley replied, opening the door and moving to the back to gather her things and grab Matt. Hailey snagged summer from the other side and they made their way through the garage.

Lucas was sprawled across the couch and Riley found herself feeling guilty as she took in how uncomfortable he looked. She gestured for Hailey to take Summer upstairs and set down her things on the side of the couch.

"Lucas," Riley sighed, knowing that he was supposed to be leaving for work at that moment. When he didn't immediately stir, she hesitantly closed the distance between them and shook his shoulder.

"Riles?" he asked, his voice still filled with sleep, when they finally opened.

"I'm home. You need to get moving if you're going to get to work on time," Riley informed him, turning back to free Matt from the car seat.

"I'll go in late. I think that we need to talk," he said, the last traces of sleep leaving his voice, as she stood up with the baby in her arms.

"I have to feed the babies before Claire gets here in a half-hour and I have a patient at nine," Riley replied, turning away from him as she headed for the stairs.

"You haven't slept all night and you're still going to see patients?" Lucas questioned, trailing along behind her.

"You really think that this is the first time I've gone without sleep. I'm a doctor, I can't count the number of sleepless nights I've spent working at the hospital," Riley reminded him.

"This isn't an isolated incident, Riles. You've gone with minimal sleep for days and you're going to run yourself straight into the ground," he worried, as she entered the nursery where Hailey was waiting.

"Hi," Hailey offered, awkwardly, her gaze shifting between the two of them.

"Why don't you drive Hailey home, I'll feed the babies, and we'll find somewhere to talk after the nanny gets here," Riley suggested, her tone resigned.

"Fine," Lucas snapped, leaving the room.

"So, that's what twenty years of loving the same person does to you, huh?" Hailey questioned, "Looks fun."

"There are happy couples," Riley offered, thinking of her own parents.

"Really? Where are they hiding?" Hailey asked, looking at Riley skeptically.

"Let's go," Lucas suggested, reappearing dressed for work. He headed for the stairs without checking that Hailey was going to follow.

"I'll see you later," Riley promised, forcing a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Good luck, Riley. I think you just might need it," Hailey informed her, reluctantly following Lucas.

Riley mindlessly made her way through her morning routine, pausing in front of the mirror, as she took in the stretch marks that looked like scars across her stomach. She'd lost two pounds in the last week, but the progress was slow and she was starting to wonder if this was how her body was going to permanently look. The jagged incision line from her emergency C-section was barely discernable from the long lines that covered her stomach.

Glancing at the clock, she knew that she was wasting time and she needed to start moving. Shoving on her scrubs, which she had rarely worn to the office pre-pregnancy, she tied her hair back and grabbed her work bag as she descended the steps to where Claire was letting the babies kick around on a blanket.

"I'll call to check in at lunch," Riley informed the nanny, snagging her keys from the hook she had hung by the door.

"Okay," Claire agreed.

A text conversation had let Riley know that Lucas was expecting her to stop by the animal clinic before she headed into work. So, she altered her route and tried to prepare herself for the tense conversation that had been a long time coming.

Riley opened the car door and made her way to the front of the building, groaning as she realized that heat was already radiating off the blacktop of the parking lot. Her wet hair was dripping water down her back that helped take the edge off the heat, but the practice had been unbearable the last few days.

She pulled open the door and froze as she saw someone new sitting in the reception counter of Lucas's practice. The first thing Riley noted was that Lucas's new helper was blonde and the next was that she appeared to be in her late twenties and didn't have a wedding ring in sight.

"Hey, Grace," Lucas paused his sentence, a file clutched in his hand, as he caught sight of Riley standing in the doorway.

"We don't open for another hour," Grace informed Riley, not seeming to pick up on the tension.

"This is my," Lucas paused, as they had a habit of doing when it came to defining what they were to each other, "Riley."

"The mother of the twins," Grace said, seeming to pick up on something, as she stood up, "It's very nice to meet you."

Riley resisted the urge to inform Grace that she was pretty sure that Riley's receptionist could take her in a fight and forced a smile, "It's nice to meet you, too. I wasn't aware Lucas had found help."

"She's Jack's daughter," Lucas informed her, the amusement in his voice telling her that he was reading Riley's thoughts.

"I've got twenty minutes if you want to talk, but, otherwise, I need to go help bring life into the world," she informed him, her hands resting on her hips.

"We can talk in my office," Lucas suggested, gesturing in the direction and Riley followed him, taking a seat in the chair across his desk as he closed the door.

"You found help and you're still working ridiculously long hours," Riley said, conversationally, staring intently at the faded and worn, green carpet.

"Grace is just helping me out temporarily, until I can find someone else and we came to the agreement, yesterday," Lucas assured her, taking the seat next to her instead of across from her.

"I should have let you know where I was going. I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry," Riley offered, knowing that she didn't have the energy to get into a fight.

"I'm sorry that I've been working such long hours. I just feel so split between doing a job that I love, working the hours that I need to, so that we can pay the bills, and being there for you and the twins. They're all things that I need to do, but I just can't balance them," Lucas admitted, reaching across the distance and grabbing her hand.

"Maybe I should take the job at the hospital," Riley suggested, refusing to look at him, though she didn't pull her hand away.

"Because the answer to our problems is for you to spend less time at home," Lucas snorted.

"You've been our main source of income for the last few months. You've been paying my student loans bills and my half of the house. You shouldn't be pulling my weight," Riley said, risking a glance at him.

"We're a team, Riles. We're in this together. I signed up to take care of you."

"You signed up for the twins. You shouldn't be financially responsible for me," Riley disagreed, "I've been taking care of myself for a long time and I should be doing it, now. I just expected that everything would go back to the way that it was before the babies and nothing has. My body, the practice."

"I don't know where any of this is coming from," Lucas admitted.

"It doesn't matter. I love you, but the way we've been doing things just isn't working," Riley sighed.

"We're still learning, we'll figure it out and it will get better," Lucas insisted, running his thumb along the side of her hand.

"I've got to get going," Riley said, standing up.

"I love you," he grabbed her shoulder, forcing her to look at him.

"I know," Riley replied, running her hand along the side of his face before she moved passed him and towards the door.

"You're late," Jennifer informed her as Riley entered the practice.

"I'm sorry, I had a fight with Lucas," Riley admitted, gesturing for Jennifer to enter the exam room and closing the door behind them.

Riley had been doing Jennifer's exams whenever Roy wasn't in the office and he was supposed to be golfing with the mayor until ten. With Lydia going through legal papers with Farkle, she'd finally found a good time to take care of Jennifer's ultrasound.

"Is everything okay?" Jennifer asked, taking the seat on the table.

"We're fine," Riley assured her, grabbing the blue gel and waiting for Jennifer to pull up the loose, flowing, shirt she had been wearing to squirt it on her stomach. Riley knew that she had been carrying twins, but she was still in shock at how easy it was for Jennifer to continue to hide her pregnancy.

"I've been feeling movement," Jennifer informed her.

"Did you want to know the gender of the baby?" Riley questioned, moving the ultrasound wand around until she could find the baby.

"I've had enough surprises with this pregnancy. I'd like to have some idea of what to expect," Jennifer agreed.

"I'm going to take some measurements and I'll tell you what the gender is at the end," Riley explained, using the computer, as she identified body parts. Riley paused in her movements as she caught site of something on the screen, doing her best not to change facial expressions.

"How does it look?" Jennifer asked, her attention more focused on the screen then on Riley.

"The baby's size is what I would expect for twenty weeks, but there's something a little weird on the imaging," Riley said, trying to keep her voice steady and calm.

"What's wrong?" Jennifer demanded, her eyes widening.

"It might be nothing. I'd like to print out a picture and have Lydia look at it. I won't tell her that it's you, if you don't want me to and after I get her opinion, we can go from there," Riley suggested.

"How bad is it?" Jennifer questioned, not looking overly reassured by Riley's words.

"Don't start worrying, until I know that something is wrong. Are you ready to know the gender?" Riley pressed, trying to distract her.

"You can tell?" she asked, looking skeptically at the picture on the computer.

"It's a girl," Riley replied, labeling the body parts before she printed out a picture for Jennifer. She handed over the ultrasound photos, tucking the one that she was going to show Lydia into her pocket.

"You'll tell me as soon as you know something?" Jennifer pressed, biting her lip as she looked at Riley.

"I will, I promise," Riley assured her, squeezing her hand, before Riley left the room.

Riley sat at her desk, staring at the ultrasound photo that she had printed. The more she looked at it the more she was sure of what she was seeing and the idea terrified her.

"You seem off," Lydia claimed, entering Riley's office and taking the seat across from her, "Jennifer told me that you wanted to see me."

"How did your meeting with Farkle go?" Riley questioned, not ready to bring up her suspicions, yet.

"He said he's going to look into it. He's calling a friend in New York to get a second opinion," Lydia revealed, leaning back, "I get the feeling that this isn't going to be an easy battle."

"Is anything easy when you've been with someone for as long as you have?" Riley pointed out, wishing that there wasn't a double meaning to her words.

"You know, our twenty-year anniversary is in three weeks," Lydia said, staring intently at the desk, "I can barely remember a life without him in it."

"I don't know if you heard that Hailey came back early," Riley said, realizing that she needed to warn her mentor of what she had done.

"I was a little surprised when she came through the door this morning," Lydia admitted, "But she seems happy to be home. First thing she did after dropping her things, was go to see that goat."

"I accidentally told her about the divorce," Riley admitted.

"I know that I shouldn't be, but I'm kind of relieved that I won't have to tell her. She loved her uncle," Lydia sighed, "I loved him, too."

"I need a consult," Riley admitted, knowing that it was time to change the subject.

"On?" Lydia raised an eyebrow, looking at Riley with interest.

"I have a patient who's at twenty weeks and I found something on her ultrasound," Riley admitted, sliding the picture across to her.

"That's quite the find," Lydia whistled, taking in the picture, "You had the interest in neonatal medicine, Doctor Mathews, what do you think it is?"

"My guess would be a Pulmonary Sequestration," Riley admitted, "Based on the mass, it looks like there's abnormal lung tissue. It looks a lot like the one that we saw during my residency."

"I knew there was a reason you were my favorite student. What's your plan of treatment?" Lydia asked, falling into her role as mentor.

"Get a Fetal MRI so that we can confirm diagnosis. If there's a buildup of fluid in the baby, there will have to be surgery. I've actually heard that there's been success with using a laser to cut off the blood flow to the mass, so that it stops growth," Riley replied.

"Doctor Christopher Rector, whose fellowship you turned down when you moved to Wyoming, has successfully performed that surgery a couple of times," Lydia admitted, looking at Riley with amusement, "You seem pretty close to this patient."

"She's a friend," Riley admitted, trying to wrap her mind around what was happening.

"If you want me help on this, you know where to find me," Lydia said, standing up.

Riley groaned as she let her head hit the desk in front of her. This day just kept getting better.

 **Thanks for reading! Before I get a ton of complaints about the fighting between Riley and Lucas, they will eventually work things out. As a new couple going through all of these big life changes, it would be unrealistic for them not to have some struggles. Also, even though the easiest way to get somewhere may be a straight line, it's far more entertaining to zig-zag and spin in circles, maybe even walk backwards. I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **To S.S.: Thank you for your wonderful review and I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I agree with you that they're going for a Maya and Lucas only like each other because Maya's become so much like Riley, but I'm completely worn out by the triangle. The longer it drags on the more I worry about how Riley and Lucas are going to bounce back from it and if the writers are going to just ignore all of the drama that the triangle caused. I get that they only have thirty minutes, but still. I'd like to see an honest conversation between Riley and Lucas about everything. I started Heat Stroke and the flashbacks for Laws of Motion during their sophomore year, so I'm hoping to pull in things that happen during season three, but it's still going to be pretty alternate universe. And I love the long reviews, so I'll look forward to it.**


	5. Slipped Away

Hospitals are Riley's safe place. When she gave up the bay window, she turned to the sterile, quiet halls. She turned to the smell of alcohol swabs and the sound of feet echoing on tiled floors. When she was in the hospital, she was in control, except for when she wasn't.

"This just confirms my diagnosis, doesn't it?" Riley sighed, handing the scans over to Isla.

"I haven't seen this outside of a textbook, so I'm the wrong person to ask," Isla admitted, though her eyes combed over them anyway.

"I don't suppose you know a good Parinetologist?" Riley asked, replacing the scans in the folder.

"There are some around here, but you know how new the entire field of neonatal medicine is. There's no one that I would stake my reputation on," Isla said, pursing her lips as she seemed to think it over.

"There's this doctor in New York. He's brilliant, world-class. I've never met him, but I got to watch him perform a surgery once and it was pure art," Riley admitted, "He started out as a pediatric surgeon and then specialized in Parinetology. He wanted to teach another pediatric surgeon and not an OB/GYN, but I pulled just about every string I had to get a fellowship with him after I finished my residency."

"Why do I get the feeling that there isn't a happy ending to this story?"

"I got the fellowship and then Lucas and Maya happened and I decided to move to Wyoming," Riley confessed, her words coming out in a rush.

"And now you're going to have to call him?" Isla asked, looking amused.

"Now I'm going to have to call him and hope that he's willing to talk to me," Riley groaned.

"Is he cute?"

"Not that his looks have anything to do with this situation, but the only time I saw him he was in a surgical cap and a mask, facing away from the observation gallery, but if broad shoulders justify cute, then sure," Riley replied.

"If he's as brilliant as you say he is there must be pictures," Isla pointed out.

"I'm sure there are, but I didn't really care what he looked like, I just wanted to learn from him."

"Your friend," Isla changed the subject.

"Zay," Riley supplied.

"He's all talk, isn't he?" she questioned, looking uncomfortable.

"Sometimes, but he's a good guy," Riley replied, wondering what had gotten into her friend, "He's opening a yogurt shop, tomorrow. If you wanted to come."

"Yogurt in the middle of November?" she laughed.

"They're taking advantage of the heat wave," Riley returned.

"It is pretty hot, maybe I could go for some yogurt," she admitted.

"Is there a reason for this newfound interest in every guy I mention?" Riley felt the need to ask.

"I have a cat, Lucinda, who I go home to every night and yesterday I found myself standing in front of the pet store contemplating buying another one. I don't want to end up alone," Isla replied, "At the end of the day, this job is just a job. I want a baby of my own and real people to come home to."

"I'll text you the address," Riley suggested.

"Your town is like three streets. I'm not sure that I could miss it," Isla reminded her, some of the humor returning to her eyes.

Riley's hot, even with the fan that's blowing air in the direction of the bed, though, it's not the heat that's keeping her up. She can see Lucas's bare back from the position that she's laying in, which isn't a part of Lucas that she's gotten to study over the years. He always sleeps facing her or tangled up with her, but, now, all she can see is his back.

There's a tattoo on his shoulder blade that she's been vaguely aware of, although now she finds herself looking at the details. It's part star and part compass rose, done entirely in varying shades of black ink, and she knows that she's asked him about it before. He'd given her a vague answer about how it reminded him of what direction he wanted to be going in and the subject had changed.

Now, the tattoo is reminder of all of the space that lingers between them. The space is filled with her insecurities and the hours that he's spent working, while she sits at home waiting. It's filled with his anger from her leaving the other night and her fears that this is what the rest of their lives will be like. There's two feet of space between them and it feels like the space between Wyoming and New York. It feels like something that would take enormous effort to conquer.

Logically, she knows that she could reach out and touch his back, but doing so feels like it would break the unspoken rules of their disagreement. She rolls onto her own back and tries focusing on the ceiling.

When that doesn't work, she rolls out of bed and moves into the bathroom, splashing cold water onto her face. The clock on the wall let's her know that it's barely 4 AM and she knows that there's no getting back to sleep.

Lucas is the one out of the two of them who is most likely to go jogging in the morning, but she feels restless and she needs a way to work the energy off. It's the energy she used to throw into long hospital shifts and marathon surgeries, but now it has nowhere to go. If it happens to help remove some of the baby weight, that's just a bonus.

She pulls on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, in the dark, and grabs a pair of socks out of the top drawer. Pausing to check on Mathew, she makes sure that he's still sleeping soundly, before she makes her way down the stairs. She scribbles a note and sticks it to the center of the fridge, before she pulls on her tennis shoes and makes her way out the garage.

Their house isn't as secluded as Roy's is, but there's still several acres between them and their next neighbor. The one nice thing is that the roads are paved, which is the one thing that Roy's ranch didn't have. Despite the fact that the sun has yet to rise, the ground is still radiating the heat from the previous day, but she starts out at a brisk walk and ignores the drops of sweat that make their way down the back of her neck.

Her hair bounces in its ponytail with each of her movements and she finds herself counting the steps as she tries to keep her mind off of the weather. She makes it to the main road before her phone starts to vibrate in her pocket and she wonders if Lucas has discovered she's gone.

Pulling the phone out of her pocket, she's surprised when it's not Lucas's number.

"Doctor Mathews," Riley answers, pausing as she tries to catch her breath.

"I'm sorry to call you so early, this is Chris Rector. I know there's a bit of a time difference, but I'm returning your call from yesterday," a voice that sounds vaguely familiar greets her. She'd never actually talked to the surgeon, though she has the nagging feeling that she's heard his voice before.

"Thank you for returning my call, I know that you're busy," Riley offered, "Did you get a chance to look at the file I sent you?"

"Based off of the photos and tests, I agree with your diagnosis, but I would need to see the patient before I could decide on a course of treatment," he informed her.

"We're in Wyoming and your office isn't exactly close," Riley pointed out, "I dealt with a similar case during my residency and we monitored it and had a pediatric surgeon remove the abnormal tissue after the baby was born. As long as it doesn't develop pockets of fluid, the baby has a good chance of making it term, doesn't it?"

"The baby may make it to term, but the baby has an increased likelihood for problems with its lungs and heart. I'm one of three doctors in the United States who has been successful using laser ablation to stop the blood supply to the abnormal tissue. We catch this early enough and this baby's only problem may be the abnormal lung tissue."

"How many times have you been successful with this?" Riley questioned, turning back in the direction of the house. She wished that she had her research sitting in front of her and Jennifer's case file.

"Eight times," he replied, "But you don't see this very often and the number of cases where you could use laser ablations verses using open fetal surgery, are even rarer. I'm very good at my job, which I'm sure you know, since you applied for my fellowship a year ago."

"I wasn't doubting that you were good at your job. I'm just attached to this patient and she needs a good outcome. So, I need to know if you think she's a good candidate for surgery, before I drag her to New York with promises that everything is going to be okay," she replied, sinking down on the front steps of the house, as she watched the sun start to come over the horizon.

"I won't know until I've run my own tests, but I honestly believe that early intervention is going to be better than waiting this out and hoping for the best when the baby is born," he replied, dropping the hostile tone that had previously been in his voice.

"Hypothetically, if I get my patient on board with this, when could you fit us in?" Riley asked.

"You're in luck. My Thanksgiving plans just got cancelled, we can do this next week."

"Over the holidays?" Riley groaned, thinking of the work she had put into this Thanksgiving.

"You're an OB/GYN, I don't have to tell you how every week counts in a pregnancy," he reminded her.

"I'll call you back by tonight," she promised, leaning her head against the back of the railing.

"You got accepted into my fellowship and I'm pretty picky when it comes to who I'm willing to work with. If you got accepted, regardless of whatever reasons you turned me down, I think we both know that you'll be here, if only for the chance to watch in the gallery," he informed her.

"If I'm missing Thanksgiving, I expect to be in the OR," Riley countered.

"Get your patient on board, I'll see you next week," he said, before ending the call.

Riley clutched the phone in her hand as she thought through his words. He was right, she would kill for the chance to watch him perform something that she had only read about, but Lucas was going to _kill her_ for missing the twins first Thanksgiving. Not to mention, Auggie was supposed to be flying in and her parents. She couldn't just leave them alone with Lucas, and Zay had finally perfected the mashed potatoes.

"Good walk?" Lucas questioned, when she entered the house. He was holding Summer, who looked content to wait for her mother to get home to feed her.

"I didn't trip over anything or develop heat stroke," Riley offered, sinking onto the couch and taking the baby from his arms.

"I'm removing a tumor from a Golden Retriever this afternoon and I'm not sure how late it's going to go," Lucas informed her, refusing to meet her gaze.

"We have Farkle and Zay's grand opening," Riley reminded him, using a pillow to adjust Summer's position.

"I have to do it today, if I want to take all of next week off," he informed her.

"Speaking of next week, I think that I'm going to call my family and tell them not to come," Riley hedged.

"We've had this planned for months, you can't just cancel, now," he pointed out, looking at her incredulously.

"Maya has to work, which was the entire reason we planned this in the first place and things have been tense," Riley said, deciding that it was better not to tell him about her travel plans until it was a sure thing.

"I know things have been tense, but this is something that you've been excited about. We can get along for one meal," Lucas insisted.

"We can talk about it tonight. I need to go feed Matt and hop in the shower," Riley informed him, propping Summer on her shoulder to burp her, "But you should try to make it to the opening. You know how hard Farkle and Zay have worked on this."

"They pulled it together in a week," Lucas pointed out, flatly.

"You don't think that required work?" Riley returned, standing up.

"I think this is a midlife crisis if I ever saw one."

Riley really didn't have any ground to disagree with him. She shrugged the words off, as she made her way up the stairs and deposited her daughter into the bassinet. She hadn't heard Matt through the door, so she figured that she had time to take a shower before she tried to feed him. She could hear Lucas doing something in the kitchen downstairs and he still had to get dressed before he left, which meant that if Matt did start crying he could probably grab him.

Riley let the water run lukewarm and hurried through washing her hair and rinsing the sweat from her body. She wrapped a towel around herself and wiped the condensation from the mirror, cracking the door and letting out a sigh of relief, when she didn't hear any sounds of screaming.

"Have you seen my green tie?" Lucas questioned, as she secured the towel before entering the closet.

"Have you checked under the bed?" Riley suggested, flipping her way through her clothes in an effort to find something to wear. She was getting tired of constantly wearing scrubs and knew it was time to go back to real clothing.

Lucas brushed passed her and a second later returned holding the tie, "Thanks."

"Can I ask you something?" Riley said, turning away from the clothes and watching as he did up the buttons on his dress shirt in front of the full length mirror that hung on the door.

"If it's about an article of clothing that you're missing, then I'll tell you right now that I'm not nearly as organized as you and I have no idea where it is," he informed her, a smile playing on his lips.

"It's not," Riley returned, biting her lip.

"Okay?" Lucas questioned, his eyes meeting hers in the mirror.

Before she could say anything his phone started buzzing and he was rushing from the closet to the bed to pick it up.

"Friar," he answered and Riley turned her attention back to the rows of clothes, "I'm on my way in, right now. Don't worry."

"I'll see you tonight," Riley offered, unable to bring herself to look at him.

"What about your question?" he asked. She picked up the sound of him packing his bag and closed her eyes tightly.

"It can wait," she finally offered, keeping her voice steady.

"I'll call you," he said and she turned in time to see him leaving the bedroom.

Riley turned her attention back to the wardrobe, forcing herself to re-channel her frustration, and grabbed an entire section of clothing. Tossing it onto the floor outside of her closet, she returned for another load.

"I hope you don't mind, I let myself in," Claire informed her, pausing as she took in the clothes that Riley had scattered across the bedroom floor, "What are you doing?"

"I'm giving up on the dream that I'm ever going to fit into any of these again," Riley replied, pausing as she realized that she had come to her maternity section.

"The babies are barely four months old, you have time," Claire offered, kindly.

"Short of plastic surgery, which I can't afford at the moment, my body is a stretched out mess. And it's stupid to keep a closet full of things that I can't even wear," Riley pointed out, leaving the maternity clothes and returning to her dresser to add to the pile.

"You want some help?" Claire asked and Riley paused to look up at her.

"I would love some," Riley admitted.

"You'd better call in late to work, I think we might be awhile and you look like you've looked like you could use a break the last few days, anyway," Claire suggested.

"Okay," Riley gave in.

They managed to contain most of her wardrobe in black garbage bags and they loaded them in the back of Claire's van. Riley helps her load the twins and despite being new to town, Claire easily gets them to the Branson thrift store and Riley finds it oddly cleansing to no longer have the clothing as a constant disappointment.

"You're going to need clothes to replace those," Claire pointed out, "I know a couple of local places that might fit your style."

"Are they scrub outlets?" Riley questioned, gesturing to her current attire.

"No, they're fun and flowing and bright," Claire returned, "I know it's depressing to try on clothes and know that you've gone up a size, but if you can find things that you like, it helps."

Riley let Claire lead her through a variety of stores that Riley hadn't even known existed and she was surprised when they actually were her style. She managed to find several flowing skirts that had high waist lines and were full enough that they didn't highlight the areas of her body that she wasn't thrilled about. She also managed to find some dresses that she could see herself wearing to work.

"Thank you for this," Riley said when they were driving back into town, "I know it wasn't included in the job description."

"It was nice to get out of the house," Claire shrugged it off, "You sure that you don't want me to take you home so that you can get your car?"

"I'm hoping that Lucas can pick me up and if he can't there are plenty of people who can help me out," Riley replied, as she pulled up the practice and parked, "Thanks again."

"I'll see you tonight," Claire returned, waving as Riley got out of the car.

"How was your retail therapy?" Lydia questioned when Riley made her way through the front door.

"It was better than I thought it would be," Riley admitted, sinking down on the edge of the reception desk.

"After the birth of my son, I wore scrubs for over a year," Lydia informed her, "I refused to go out and buy clothes in a larger size."

"I didn't know you had a son," Jennifer spoke up, her attention turning away from the computer.

"He died from SIDS just a couple of weeks after we brought him home," Lydia replied, trying to keep her voice detached and failing.

"I'm sorry," Jennifer apologized, looking horrified.

"Thank you," Lydia said, forcing a smile, "Did you get the results from your patient's Fetal MRI?"

"I did," Riley admitted, her eyes moving to Jennifer who had frozen.

"And?" Lydia pressed.

"I need to make a phone call," Riley replied, ducking out of the room before she was forced to say anything that she didn't want to say.

"How bad is it?" Jennifer asked, pausing in Riley's doorway.

"You should come in, close the door," Riley suggested, sinking into her chair.

"That bad, huh?" Jennifer said, following through with Riley's request.

"Occasionally, when the lungs are developing, you end up with some tissue that won't work," Riley explained, "This tissue is growing as it gets blood flow from your baby's heart and the healthy lung-tissue. As it grows, it can press down on your baby's heart and lungs, which can cause them to form improperly. In worst cases, it can cause heart failure."

"So, what do we do to fix that?" Jennifer questioned, her eyes filling with tears.

"The tests that I had you do yesterday, showed me that the mass is big enough that we need to do something, now. I talked to a doctor in New York this morning and he thinks that he can fix this before it causes you any other problems. He wants us to fly out next week and meet with him," Riley explained.

"Fix it, how?" she questioned, her eyes widening.

"It will probably be surgical. There are two surgeries that they're using to treat babies with what yours has. The one that he wants to do will use a laser to stop the blood from being able to get to the mass. The mass will stop being able to grow and when your baby is born, we can remove the abnormal tissue. In the other one, he'll deliver the baby, remove the tissue and put the baby back inside of you so that it can grow to term."

"What are the risks for that?" she demanded, looking as though she was struggling to wrap her mind around the words.

"There are risks, but Doctor Rector is amazing and he has a very good success rate," Riley assured her.

"I've left my family, I'm all alone. I just got used to the idea of raising a child on my own, but now you're telling me that I'm going to have to have surgery and that I might lose my baby?"

"I'm telling you that we're going to do everything that we can to deal with this and you're not alone," Riley promised.

"You're going to come with me?"

"I promised that I would help you through this pregnancy and I meant it," Riley assured her.

 **Thanks for reading! I know I'm behind on responding to reviews, but hopefully an early chapter makes up for it. This past week has been crazy and I haven't had a ton of free time. I know there was a ton of medical stuff in this chapter, but hopefully it kind of made sense. I would love it if you would review!**


	6. Meet Me on the Battlefield

"Riles, what's wrong?" Maya presses, as Riley leans back in her office chair. Her phone is on speaker and Riley's eyes are trained on the computer in front of her.

"How do you know something's wrong?" Riley returned, leaning her head in her free hand. She'd been listening to Maya talk about Noah's feeding schedule for the last few minutes, but she wasn't really paying attention.

"I can hear you playing motivational videos in the background and you only do that when you're worried about something," Maya replied.

"I have a patient that I'm worried about and Lucas and I have been having some problems," Riley admitted, relieved to be able to talk to someone.

"Isn't there supposed to be a mandatory one-year honeymoon phase at the start of a relationship?" Maya pointed out.

"We skipped the marriage and the honeymoon, and went straight for the children," Riley said, flatly, hitting play on another video.

"The first few months are hard, but it does get easier. Noah's started sleeping through the night and Josh and I are like entirely different people," Maya promised, her voice sympathetic.

"I just keep thinking that we had a summer together and a year in high school and is that enough to commit to someone? I've invested twenty years of my life in Lucas Friar and I've never even looked at anyone else. How do I know that I'm not just settling?"

"What about all of those guys you dated in college? You were pretty serious about that law student," Maya listed.

"I wasn't serious, I was messing around," Riley disagreed.

"I'm not sure that you know how to mess around," Maya snorted, "Didn't the two of you have matching mugs?"

"We took a couple's ceramics class, but I knew that things weren't going to work out long term," Riley insisted.

"Look, Riles, I love you, but every relationship hits a point where you have to decide if you're going to leave or if you're going to stay. You could leave, but there's a reason that you always come back to Lucas. Do you really think that you're going to find anyone that you love the way you love him?"

Riley's surprised by how many people show up for Farkle and Zay's grand opening. Farkle brings his goat, who is decked out in a miniature suit, complete with a matching bowtie to Farkle's own. Riley's not entirely sure how either of them could stand that many layers in the heat, but they both seem to be pulling it off.

"Riles, you made it," Zay greeted her.

"It's next door to my place of employment," Riley pointed out, smiling.

"Convenient, huh?" Zay offered, "Doctor Green, you're a long way from the hospital."

"I don't live there," Isla informed him, crossing her arms across her pink scrub top, as she came to a stop next to Riley.

"Well, I'm glad you could make it," Zay said, sincerely, "If you'll excuse me, I'm supposed to go cut the ribbon."

"Where's your significant other?" Isla questioned Riley, looking around at the growing crowd of people.

"In surgery, according to his receptionist," Riley replied.

"I hate receptionists," Isla informed her, wrinkling her nose.

"Have you noticed that the twins talk to each other?" Hailey asked, pausing next to Riley, while pushing the mentioned children in a stroller, "They babbled the entire ride here."

Claire had needed to go home early and Riley had called Hailey to go and pick them up from the house.

"Maybe it was a comment on your driving," Riley suggested, pressing a kiss to each of the babies' foreheads and taking the stroller from the teenager.

"My driving is fine, you're the one who was raised in the city," Hailey pointed out. Her phone started buzzing and she glanced at it before hitting the ignore button.

"I'm not sure what that has to do with anything," Riley pointed out.

"You grew up using public transportation, I'm surprised you even have a license. Your brother doesn't," Hailey pointed out.

"That's because the one time that Auggie tried driving, he hit a fire hydrant," Riley replied, remembering how incredibly upset her father had been. Auggie had been banned from driving again until he was thirty.

"We'd like to thank ya'll for coming," Zay said, just loud enough to get everyone's attention. The talking stopped and Riley smiled encouragingly, "When Farkle came to me with the idea to start a frozen yogurt shop in the middle of Wyoming, I thought he was crazy. But I've come to really love being here. This shop started out as a dream and now it's a reality. We look forward to sharing this new adventure with everyone here."

"As a lawyer, I have a speech prepared to honor this occasion, but an important part of public speaking is knowing when the subject has been sufficiently covered. So, I've decided to rely on my instincts as a man of action," Farkle announced, reaching over and clipping the ribbon.

Riley clapped her hands with the rest of the gathered group and smiled as Zay and Farkle opened the doors, gesturing for the gathered crowd to enter the shop.

"You think everyone is going to fit in there?" Hailey questioned, looking skeptically at the line that was forming out the doorway and down the sidewalk.

"Probably not. You want to go grab us a table and we'll wait in line," Riley suggested.

"You're the one with the small children. You should probably get them out of the heat," Hailey protested.

"You can tell us what you want and we'll bring it to you," Isla added.

"I don't actually want anything. I'm trying to eat healthy," Riley replied.

"That sounds miserable," Hailey offered.

"I'll go grab a table and you can come find me," Riley suggested, pushing the twins through the opened doors and managing to snag a booth in the back corner.

"So, Isla?" Zay slipped into the seat across from her, casting a glance at where Isla was talking to Hailey outside of the store.

"Shouldn't you be mingling with customers?" Riley pointed out, having to raise her voice to be heard above the noise.

"You're a customer. What's she doing here?" Zay pressed.

"Maybe she just wanted some yogurt," Riley suggested.

"You don't drive all the way to Sunbreak for yogurt. At least, not until we've started making headlines for our original and dimensional flavors," Zay returned.

"Maybe, you should try talking to her," Riley pointed out.

"Maybe I will. Oh, I'm supposed to ask you about what happened to your receptionist. Farkle was hoping that she would be here," Zay changed the subject.

"She was really tired after work today and decided to head home," Riley kept things vague, hoping that he wouldn't press.

"That seems to be going around. Lucas called to apologize for not being able to make it, but, remind me, and I'll send you home with some yogurt for him," Zay said.

"It's good to know that he still remembers how to use a phone," Riley offered, knowing that her tone came out bitter and annoyed.

"You should cut the boy some slack, I know that he's busy, but he's doing it because he wants to build a life with you, even after you turned down his proposal," Zay advised, his voice taking on an accusation.

"He told you about that?"

"He was upset," Zay replied, "And you may have told him that it was because of Farkle, but I've spent a lot of time with you the last few months and I don't think that's it."

"You don't think that it's a little fast to go from twins, to buying a house, to getting married?" Riley listed.

"Whenever things get too serious between you and Lucas, you bolt. Now, I don't know what's holding you back, but I think you'd better figure it out before he gets tired of chasing you," Zay advised, standing up from the booth and disappearing into the crowd.

She'd probably be more mad at Zay, if there wasn't truth behind the words. When things had gotten complicated with Lucas in high school, she had broken up with him. After spending the summer with him, she'd insisted they end things without even trying to make their relationship work through their doctorate programs. Then, she'd had the miscarriage and pushed him away again.

She'd never noticed the pattern before, but it was definitely there.

"What do you think?" Farkle questioned, moving into Zay's vacated seat and bringing his goat with him. The goat scurried under the table and Riley felt it brush against her legs.

"This place looks amazing," Riley offered, the smile not quite reaching her face.

"I was worried that the colors would make the place look too Christmassy, but I think it's okay," Farkle informed her, looking around at the brightly colored walls that were decorated with abstract paintings.

"Is that Maya's work?" Riley questioned, too far away to read the name's scribbled in the corners.

"Who else would I trust to do this?" Farkle agreed, "Speaking of Maya, I need to tell you something about Thanksgiving."

"Oh, I was going to cancel that," Riley admitted, "I called my parents late this afternoon."

"What? Why?" Farkle demanded.

"I need to go with a patient to New York. She needs to see a specialist," Riley explained.

"I guess we'll be traveling together," Farkle informed her, "I'm meeting with Smackle because she thinks that she's figured out a way to fight the spousal support on Lydia's divorce."

"Great," Riley forced a smile, wondering how she was going to deal with this situation. Jennifer was still adamant about nobody knowing that she was pregnant.

"Pretty good turnout," Hailey congratulated Farkle as Isla and her stopped in front of the table. They were both holding cups of frozen yogurt and Riley stepped out so that Isla could slide in. Hailey took the seat next to Farkle.

"What flavor is that?" Riley questioned, as she looked at the strange shade of lavender that Hailey was picking out.

"Cotton candy," Hailey replied, taking a bite, "You want to try some?"

"I'm good," Riley replied, though it did look tempting.

The conversation continued, but Riley's attention was only half on it. She watched as Hailey hit ignore on her phone a couple more times before the twins started to complain from their stroller.

"You want a ride home?" Hailey questioned, as Farkle and Isla discussed something science related. Riley read her fair share of medical journals, but she couldn't keep up with whatever they were saying.

"You do have the car seats," Riley pointed out, getting up from the table.

"Congratulations," Riley offered, as Farkle turned to look at her.

"Thanks for coming. You'll tell Lucas that we missed him?"

"I will do that," Riley agreed, wondering where Zay had gotten to in the crowd.

They made their way out to the car and Riley slid into the passenger's seat.

"You going to tell me who keeps calling?" Riley questioned, as Hailey started the car and pulled out into the street.

"Someone who can't take a hint," Hailey replied, her grip tightening on the steering wheel.

"You know, I've had boy problems before and I'm a pretty good listener," Riley offered.

"He has a girlfriend," Hailey admitted, glancing at her before returning her attention to the road.

"Then why is he calling you?" Riley felt the need to ask.

"Because he kissed me; he kissed me, but he has a girlfriend, and I don't think that he's going to leave her."

"You'll never know if you don't pick up the phone," Riley pointed out.

"I'm just not sure that I can build a relationship with someone who kissed me when they were with someone else. And, anyway, he's been with her for a really long time and if he picked me, I'd always worry that he'd regret it. He's different when he's around me and when he's around her. How do you compete with someone who knows him in an entirely different way than I do?"

"I don't know," Riley admitted.

"Weren't you worried about that when you were pregnant? That Lucas was comparing you to your best friend?" Hailey reminded her.

"Yeah, I was," Riley replied.

"And he picked you, so how did you get passed it?" Hailey pressed, turning onto the street that led to Riley's house.

"Sometimes, I think that I'm passed it, but then he'll say something or I'll see something and it's this reminder that there are entire chunks of his life that we don't talk about. He tried to bring her up, once, a long time ago. We were staying at his grandfather's ranch for the summer and he wanted to talk about it, but I just kept shutting him down. Now, it's almost easier to just pretend that nothing happened and carry on, but I think all those insecurities are still sitting in the back of my mind. I thought that not knowing would be better, but maybe it's not."

"I got in this fight with Monique once, it was after I got alcohol poisoning. I blamed her for all of the trouble that I got into, which really wasn't fair, but I did it, anyway. We pretended that the fight didn't happen and just went on how we had been, but our relationship has never been the same. She was my best friend growing up and now we barely talk. I think you have to talk about the hard things and the things that you don't want to, if you ever want to get passed everything," Hailey offered, putting the car in park as she stopped in Riley's driveway.

"When did you get so smart?" Riley asked, smiling at the teen.

"College," Hailey shrugged, letting out a laugh.

"So, what are you going to do about your boy?" Riley questioned.

"I'd be, kind of, a hypocrite if I didn't talk to him, now, huh?" Hailey groaned.

"How important is the relationship to you?"

"He's a good friend. He's what got me through this last semester," Hailey admitted, "But I'm not sure that something new could ever trump what he had in the past."

"College is the time to take risks. And by that, I mean appropriate risks," Riley clarified.

"You're not going to give me, 'the talk,' are you?" Hailey questioned, wrinkling her nose.

"You're talking to the OB/GYN who accidentally got pregnant, twice. I'm not sure I'm qualified to educate anyone on that particular subject," Riley replied.

"As a doctor, I really don't think that you should openly be admitting that," Hailey offered and Riley silently agreed with her.

"Will you help me get the kids into the house? I think they'll both want to eat before I put them down."

"Sure," Hailey agreed, opening the car door.

They grabbed the car seats from the backseat and Riley put the code into the garage. Lucas's car was still missing and Riley couldn't decide if she was relieved or annoyed. She was tired of the tension in the household and she doubted that it was the kind that would easily be resolved.

She, also, wasn't thrilled with what Monique had brought up. They were approaching a conversation that Riley had spent years avoiding.

After, Hailey had left, Riley fed both of the twins and got them settled in their beds for the next few hours. Exhausted, she made her way into the bedroom and found that Claire had stacked the new bags of clothes in a neat pile by the door.

Riley sunk onto the bed and groaned as her phone started to vibrate.

"Doctor Mathews," Riley answered, closing her eyes.

"Hey, Riley, it's Grace. I was wondering if Lucas was there?"

"No, I thought he was at work," Riley replied, a sinking feeling settling in her stomach.

"He left earlier this evening to go to the frozen yogurt shop opening and said he would be back to close up, but he never came back. I've called his number a couple of times and he's not picking up. I don't want to leave the practice unlocked all night," Grace explained.

"I'll call Zay and see if Lucas is there," Riley offered, sitting up, "And then I'll call you right back."

"Thanks," Grace ended the call.

Riley punched in Lucas's number and went straight to voicemail. Zay's, at least, rang before requesting that she leave a message. Trying Farkle's number, he answered on the third ring.

"Hey, Riles. I'm just closing things up," Farkle greeted her.

"Is Lucas with you?" Riley questioned.

"No, I haven't seen him," Farkle replied.

"I just got a call from his receptionist saying that he left the office and never came back to close," Riley informed him, trying not to panic.

"Well, I'm sure he's fine. He's probably just on a house call," Farkle suggested.

"And he didn't call his receptionist to let her know?" Riley pointed out.

"He might not have cell service, there are rough patches all over town," Farkle reassured her.

"Is Zay with you? Has he heard from him?" Riley asked, her mind going to worst case scenarios and wondering if she should start calling hospitals, or the police.

"Zay went out to a late dinner with your OB/GYN," Farkle replied.

"Would you mind sitting with the twins, while I go out and look? I have a key to Lucas's practice so that Grace can go home," Riley requested.

"Of course, I'll be there in twenty," Farkle promised before ending the call.

Riley slowly stood up and paced the length of the bedroom, trying not to imagine Lucas lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Blake had been shot and slowly bled to death in her office, so, really, the possibilities for what could have happened to him were endless.

"You look really pale," Farkle informed her, when she opened the door for him.

"Thanks, call me if he comes home," Riley requested, slinging her purse over her shoulder as she headed to the garage.

Her phone started vibrating as she got into the car and she quickly pulled it out, hoping that Grace was calling her back to inform her that Lucas had shown up.

"Hello?" Riley answered, starting the car and holding the phone between her ear and her shoulder.

"Riley, there's been a massive accident on the highway. At least two people are dead and Roy was called in twenty minutes ago. The Branson firetruck is actually putting out a fire and the ambulance is on its way, but they need help with triage. Can you come help?" Lydia's voice came across the line.

"Was Lucas in the crash?" Riley demanded, terror gripping her heart.

"I'm driving there, now, myself. I have no idea who it is. I just know that there were, at least, three cars involved and Roy needs help," Lydia repeated, her voice calm.

"Okay, I'm on my way," Riley agreed, shifting the car into reverse.

Lydia listed off the location and Riley let the phone clatter to the floor after the call had ended. Twenty years of loving someone couldn't end like this.

 **I'm so sorry for how late this update is. I'm in the last two weeks of my summer classes and the work has been exhausting. I, also, really struggled with writing this chapter, but, hopefully you liked it. In other news, I now have a website that contains bonus content and background on my original characters for my fanfiction stories. You can find it at poledra182 . weebly . com, just remove the spaces.**

 **Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. I would love it if you would leave me a review and let me know what you think!**


	7. Into The Fire

When Riley did her first ER rotation in medical school her mentor had a rule. You were allowed three seconds to be overwhelmed by the chaos and madness that you were seeing and then you got to work. Medicine doesn't give a lot of reaction time and in Riley's experience, life doesn't either.

 _Flu season is the worst time to work at a hospital. The entire staff is required to get flu shots and the emergency room is always overflowing with dehydrated, sick people. Riley's spent the last few years of her life working towards a medical degree, but even she has to admit that there's something incredibly gross about dealing with the flu._

 _"Riley Mathews?" someone questions and she reluctantly turns around to find out what she's been assigned to in the ER._

 _"Charlie?" she asks, surprised to find the boy she had known in high school. The two of them hadn't exactly kept in touch since her disastrous senior prom and to find him working at her hospital was a strange coincidence._

 _"I didn't know you were working here," Charlie stated the obvious, looking as uncomfortable as she felt._

 _"I just finished up medical school, I'm doing an Obstetrics and Gynecology residency," Riley admitted._

 _"I'm surgical," he offered._

 _"Which explains what you're doing in the ER," Riley offered, finding that she suddenly had no idea what to do with her hands._

 _"There's a pregnant woman in bed three. She slipped on some ice and has been experiencing contractions," Charlie explained, gesturing to a curtained off area._

 _"I'll go check her out and we can move her off your floor," Riley assured him, biting her lip as she wondered how to end the conversation._

 _"Maybe we could meet later and have lunch, catch up," Charlie suggested, "I'd love to hear how everyone is doing."_

 _"Yeah, sure," Riley agreed, unsure whether he was just saying things or if he genuinely meant it._

The accident site is noticeable from before she even turns out onto the road. A single police car with its lights flashing sits at the edge of the road and one of the cars is spewing smoke up into the sky. The dark shapes turn into people as she pulls up to the scene and sees Henry and Roy trying to pull someone from one of the crushed vehicles. Henry had replaced their previous police chief after his retirement several months ago and he looked like the situation was slightly over his head.

Riley pulls over to the side of the road and is out of the car before she can process what she's doing. One of the cars has taken out a light pole, leaving the street in darkness and she can barely make out the details of what she's seeing. She can smell it, though. Something metallic and smoky hangs in the air and burns her nostrils. It's the kind of smell that she knows she will never forget.

"Riley," Lydia greeted her, blocking the accident site with her body.

"What happened?" Riley demanded, taking in the crushed cars. The light pole had fallen into the road, completely crushing the roof of one car. Another was flipped onto its side and another was completely upside down.

A dark shape was sprawled in the middle of the road and Riley could see Roy performing CPR on another several feet away.

"We don't know, Jennifer's bringing medical supplies from the practice, but for now we're making do," Lydia explained.

"I've got a bag in my trunk," Riley offered, opening the trunk with her keys and moving around to the back of her car.

"There are two kids in the back of the van, the mother didn't make it. The little girl has a broken arm and several lacerations, the little boy has head trauma, we need to get them out," Lydia instructed, as Riley grabbed the bag and followed her to the van that was completely upside down. The van had gone straight into a concrete barrier and the only point of access was through the shattered window on the passenger's side of the car.

"Meredith?" Lydia called, as she dropped to the ground, ignoring the glass that was scattered across the road.

"Lydia?" a terrified voice replied.

"This is my friend, Riley. She's a doctor and she's going to help me get you and your brother out," Lydia explained, completely dropping to her stomach as she shifted through the shattered window.

Riley dropped down beside her and pulled the flashlight from her emergency bag, turning on the light and shining it into the vehicle. Meredith looked to be around eight or nine years old and her hair fanned around her face where she was hanging. Riley could pick out several cuts along her face and the arm that was covered in blood.

"The fracture looks compound," Riley commented, digging through the bag for gauze pads and anything that she could use for a splint.

"We splint it and then get her out of the seatbelt," Lydia decided, taking the flashlight from Riley as she shined it further into the car, "Tommy?"

"He's asleep," Meredith explained, her head turning to look to the other side of the vehicle.

"We need to move fast," Riley said, handing over the gauze pads and a handful of the rubber bands that they used for tourniquets when starting IV's and taking blood.

"I've got an umbrella in my car," Lydia suggested, carefully backing out of the window and hurrying back towards where her car was parked at the side of the road.

"Does anything other than your arm hurt?" Riley questioned, as she took Lydia's place, feeling the glass crunch under her weight.

"My stomach, where the seatbelt is and my chest," Meredith offered.

"I've got the umbrella," Lydia informed her, handing it through the window. Riley handed her the flashlight and groaned as she realized that she didn't have enough light to see what she was doing.

"There's a flashlight on my keyring, will you grab it?" Riley asked, turning onto her back, so that she had a better angle to work.

"Here," Lydia handed it over Riley's body and Riley switched it on.

"I'm going to secure your arm before we get you out, okay? It's probably not going to feel very good, but it's going to help keep your arm from getting any worse," Riley explained, securing the flashlight in her mouth and reaching out for the girl's hand.

"I can't feel it," Meredith panicked, as Riley stabilized the arm and started securing gauze pads to the open wound that was seeping blood.

"It's okay, we just need to get you out," Lydia offered.

Riley extended the metal pole of the umbrella and placed it along the edge of the girl's arm, holding it in place with one hand, as she struggled to wrap the rubber band around it with the other. When it became clear it was a lost effort she spit the flashlight from her mouth and glanced back at the window opening. There wasn't enough room for Lydia to squeeze inside around her body and it was better that one of them wasn't in immediate danger, anyway.

"This isn't going to work," Riley called out, "I think we need to just bind her arm to her body before we get her down."

"You want ace wrap?" Lydia questioned and Riley could hear the sound of her digging through the medical bag.

"You'd better hand me whatever we've got," Riley suggested, pulling herself the rest of the way through the window and shifting onto her knees.

"Here you go," Lydia handed a rolled tube to Riley through the window.

"I'm going to move your broken arm across your chest and then wrap this bandage around your body," Riley explained, retrieving the flashlight from where it had fallen.

The seatbelt was locked and the process proved more complicated, as she had to push the wrap around the girl's back, but she managed to make it through an entire roll that secured a good portion of Meredith's upper arm.

"I need more," Riley said and Lydia handed another roll through the window. Riley managed to get it secure with three rolls of the bandaging and she gave herself a second to take several deep breaths of air.

"Okay, I'm going to try to undue your seatbelt now," Riley explained, moving one arm into position to cushion the girl's fall. She used her other hand to reach up and hit the release button and Meredith fell into her arms with a cry of pain.

"Are you okay?" Riley questioned.

"My chest," Meredith gasped, her breathing coming out in strangled gasps.

"I think she's got a broken rib," Riley informed Lydia, as Lydia reached through the open window to slide Meredith out.

"I've got her, can you get him," Lydia looked in the direction of the other passenger in the car.

Riley hadn't allowed herself to look at the little boy up to this point, but she turned her attention to him now. He was younger then Meredith and she wouldn't put him at older than four. He was seated in a car seat and his head was dangling limply and openly bleeding.

"Hey," Riley said, gently pressing her hand to the boy's neck as she felt for a pulse. It was faint, but there and she let out a sigh of relief.

She used the remaining gauze to bandage the wound on his head and tried not to look to closely at his small, childlike face. It reminded her too much of her own son and she wasn't sure that she could stay focused if she delved too deeply into the comparison.

Riley managed to get the top clip of the car seat undone and the boy fell towards her, wrapping her arms around his body, she released the bottom portion of his belt and he fell into her arms. She cradled him close to her body and braced a hand on his neck as she slowly shifted towards the window that she had come in from.

"I've got him," Roy appeared at the edge of the window, reaching his arms out.

"We need to secure his neck, I think he passed out from blood loss," Riley instructed, shifting him from her arms into Roy's.

"The ambulances were redirected to the fire in Branson, they have burn victims that rank above ours," Roy informed her.

"You're kidding," Riley said, sliding her body out of the window and back into the street.

"It's going to be a long night," Roy offered and Riley turned as she heard a groan coming from behind her.

"Did you hear that?" Riley questioned, shining her light in the direction of the front seat.

"I couldn't find a pulse when I arrived on the scene," Roy replied.

"How did you get around the kids to the front?" Riley questioned, straining her ears for any other sounds.

"I went over the barrier and reached through the window," Roy explained, "The front is completely crushed, I don't know that you're going to be able to get to her."

"I think you'd better wake up Cole Low and see if he has anything to cut her out of here with," Riley said, referencing the local mechanic.

She grabbed her medical bag and pulled it through the window with her, as she shifted towards the front seat. The wreckage was crushed enough that she couldn't fit her entire body into the space and she reached out a hand to press to the woman's neck. The woman let out another groan, though Riley was struggling to find a pulse.

 _"I'm Doctor Riley Mathews," Riley introduced herself, pulling the curtain aside as she entered the area where her patient was waiting._

 _"Celeste Smith," the woman introduced herself, wincing through a contraction._

 _"I heard that you slipped on some ice," Riley questioned, grabbing the chart and flipping through it._

 _"That makes it sound like a normal incident. It was in my kitchen, I was supposed to be making drinks for this Christmas party and I guess a couple of cubes fell on the floor. I slipped on one and completely went down," Celeste explained._

 _"Did someone come with you?" Riley asked, looking up._

 _"My husband, but he's out cancelling the party," Celeste replied._

 _"How far along are you?"_

 _"I'm twenty-seven weeks," Celeste answered, her hand moving to her stomach._

 _"I'm just going to check to make sure that we have a good fetal heartbeat and that everything is okay," Riley explained, grabbing the wand from the machine that had been set up next to the bed, "This might be a little cold."_

 _Riley moved the wand around until she could clearly make out the sound of the heartbeat, "Everything looks fine, have you felt her moving."_

 _"She's been kicking," Celeste replied as Riley handed her a towel to wipe the gel from her stomach._

 _"Well, you've been cleared by neuro, so I think we'll move you up to the maternity floor and put you on some Terbutaline, which should stop your labor," Riley explained, adding a note to the chart._

 _"It's that easy?"_

 _"We'll keep monitoring you, but you should be fine," Riley assured her, "A team should be here in a couple of minutes to transfer you and I'll come check on you when you get upstairs. Who's your OB/GYN?"_

 _"I have a midwife, Taylor Palmer, but she's in Europe for the next two weeks," Celeste replied._

 _"Well, we have some excellent doctors here and we'll do our best to make sure that you and your baby are still waiting for her when she gets back."_

 _"Thank you."_

"Can you hear me?" Riley questioned.

"My kids?" a hoarse voice asked.

"They're fine, we've got them out of the car and there are two doctors looking after them," Riley assured her.

"My kids?" she repeated and Riley sighed.

"They're fine, they're going to be fine," Riley repeated.

 _"How's your patient?" Charlie questioned, sinking down into the seat next to her._

 _"Contractions have slowed down, but they haven't stopped, yet," Riley informed him, pulling her knees up to her chest._

 _"It's good to see you again. You look good," Charlie offered and she looked at him skeptically, "I'm not hitting on you, I'm married."_

 _"Congratulations," Riley offered, glancing down at his left hand._

 _"Are you?"_

 _"No, I've never even come close to the alter," Riley replied, shutting down the topic of conversation._

 _"What happened with Lucas and Maya?" he questioned, not seeming to get the hint._

 _"Maya's in France and Lucas is doing whatever you have to do to become a vet," Riley offered, wincing as she said Lucas's name._

 _"I didn't really think they were going to end up together, but you never know," Charlie said, looking uncomfortable, "Listen, I'm really sorry about prom."_

 _"It was a million years ago," Riley replied, shaking her head as she thought of the memory._

 _"I'm actually pretty glad that things didn't work out for us," Charlie admitted and Riley let out a laugh._

 _"Friends?" Riley questioned._

 _"I'd like that," Charlie agreed._

 _Riley's pager went off and she grabbed it from her belt, "I've got to go."_

 _"Good luck with your patient," Charlie called after her as she darted down the hall._

 _"What happened?" Riley demanded, as she entered Celeste's room._

 _"The baby is showing signs of fetal distress and the medication just isn't working," the nurse informed her, looking up from where she was watching the monitor that tracked the baby's heartbeat._

 _"What does that mean?" Celeste questioned, reaching out to grip her husband's hand._

 _"Page me an attending," Riley told the nurse, turning her attention back to Celeste, "I think we're going to have to do a C-section."_

 _"It's too early, the baby can't come now," Celeste protested, her free hand grabbing her stomach._

 _"Doctor Lancaster is on his way," the nurse informed her._

"You know that there's a good chance that she bleeds out when Cole starts cutting," Roy informed her, half of his body inside of the car.

"She's bleeding out right now, anyway. Do you have an ETA on the ambulances?" Riley questioned, her hand still planted on the woman's neck, as she felt and prayed for each individual heartbeat.

"They'll be here in an hour, but that doesn't do us a lot of good at the moment," Roy said.

"How's the little boy?" Riley asked.

"We've given Tommy an IV and his vitals are staying stable. We won't know more until we get a chance to run tests," Roy offered.

"Nobody has said anything about the other cars," Riley said.

"We have two dead and several more injured," Roy supplied.

"Was Lucas in one of the cars?" Riley pressed, closing her eyes. She can't stop the horrific thoughts and memories that keep running through her head and the silence is enough to bring her spiraling into dark places.

"Riley, look at me," Roy demanded, reaching out a hand to grab her knee, "Right now, I need you to stay focused. You're going to be the first person who has access to this woman when we start cutting. You're going to the be the person who does her best to stop the bleeding, can you do that?"

"I can do that," Riley agreed.

 _"Have you ever performed an emergency C-section, Doctor Mathews?" Doctor Lancaster questioned as they scrubbed their hands for surgery._

 _"I haven't even performed a C-section that wasn't for an emergency," Riley replied, her heart hammering in her chest._

 _"The best OB/GYN's can have the baby out within five minutes," Doctor Lancaster informed her, "Watch the clock."_

 _"You want me to keep time, while you're performing surgery?" Riley clarified, looking at him uncertainly._

 _"You'll be in charge of taking care of the baby when I get it out," Doctor Lancaster replied, pushing the door open with his back and entering the operating room._

 _Riley's watched plenty of C-sections, but there's something different about this one. She can feel her heart racing and his movements are so fast that she can barely process him making each of the steps._

 _"You're up, Doctor Mathews," Doctor Lancaster declared, pulling the baby from Celeste's stomach._

 _Riley took the baby from him, trying not to marvel at the size, as she moved to the other side of the room and several nurses moved to her side. The baby was small enough to fit in both of her hands, barely the size of a cauliflower, though each of its features are developed._

 _"I can't find a heartbeat," Riley panicked, as she went through the steps of what she was supposed to do post-birth._

 _"Start chest compressions," Doctor Lancaster offered and Riley used two fingers to press against the baby's chest._

 _"I've got the defibrillator," a nurse said, handing the small paddles to Riley._

 _"Clear," Riley demanded, pressing them to the baby's chest._

 _"No response," the nurse replied._

 _"Go again," Riley insisted, "Clear."_

 _"Nothing," the nurse repeated, her eyes trained on the screen that the baby was hooked up to._

 _"Let's go to epinephrine," Riley suggested and the nurse handed her a syringe of fluid. Riley injected the medication into the baby's chest and returned to the paddles, "Clear."_

 _"Doctor Mathews?" Doctor Lancaster called out, "What's happening?"_

 _"We've pushed epinephrine and shocked the baby three times with no response," Riley replied, trying not to become immersed in the panic, "Let's go again."_

 _Tears ran down Riley's face when ten minutes later she still had yet to get a response._

 _"Call it Doctor Mathews," Doctor Lancaster said, as he stopped next to her._

 _"This doesn't happen, babies born at twenty-seven weeks survive. She slipped on some ice," Riley said, returning to chest compressions._

 _"You've done everything that you can and it's over. Call the time of death," Doctor Lancaster repeated._

 _"I can't," Riley insisted, a sob getting stuck in her throat._

 _"Time of death: 5:15 P.M," Lancaster declared, turning and leaving the OR._

Time stands still as Riley waits with the woman for the ambulance to arrive. Fifteen minutes of arguing with Roy and Lydia had led to the decision that their best option is to wait to cut her from the car. Riley's losing feeling in her arm from the position that she's in to monitor the woman's pulse, but Riley can't bring herself to move.

She's counting the heartbeats and wondering if hope alone is enough to keep them coming. They've started to slow and Riley has to strain to feel them, sometimes she finds herself wondering if she's even feeling them at all.

She can hear Lydia talking to Meredith outside of the car and Riley feels completely helpless. She's stuck in a situation completely beyond her control with nothing to do, but wait.

Sirens blare in the distance and Riley finds herself letting out a sigh of relief as she sees the red lights stop outside of the car.

"The EMT's have got blood and are ready to grab her as soon as she's stabilized. You ready for us to start cutting?" Roy calls.

"Let's do this," Riley agreed, pulling her bag closer to her, as she waits for the area above her to be cut away, giving her more room to work.

The side door of the car, is pulled off and the woman shifts in Riley's direction, her head hitting the ceiling of the car. Blood pours from her side and Riley reaches over, pressing her hands to the wound.

"The legs still stuck," Riley calls up to them, trying to get her voice loud enough to be heard over the sound of sawing.

The rest of the door is pulled away and Riley finds herself looking up into the faces of Roy and Cole. Blood gushes from the woman's leg and an EMT steps into the car, leaning down on the other woman's side.

"It's her femoral artery," he informs Riley, his gloved hands covering the wound.

"Can you clamp it?" Riley questioned.

"I'm trying," he replied, shifting his position as he secured his hands over the wound.

"She's pretty pale," Roy commented.

"We need to move her," The EMT informed them.

A second EMT made his way through the back window, pausing next to Riley, "I'm going to take over applying pressure and let you get out of the car so that we can move her."

"Okay," Riley agreed, shifting so that he could get a better angle.

"I've got it," the EMT assured her, his hands moving over hers. Riley pulled her hands out and he quickly replaced them, moving so that Riley could shift passed him and out the shattered window.

The EMT's moved the woman out the side where the door had just been removed, strapping her to a board and starting on CPR. Riley knew that there were conversations going on around her and could vaguely process that there weren't enough ambulances to take everyone that had been injured in the crash.

"She's gone," one of the EMT's said, pulling back from the woman, "She's lost too much blood."

"You can't just give up," Riley informed them, her voice sounding unfamiliar to her.

"There's nothing more that we can do," one of them said and Roy moved over to stand in front of her and block her view of the woman's body.

"I just spent hours sitting with her, taking care of her kids," Riley said, looking at Roy blankly as the EMT's moved on to the next person.

"Lucas wasn't in any of the cars. I don't know where he is, but he's not here," Roy assured her, pulling her into a hug.

 _"You wanted to see me?" Riley questioned, pausing in the open doorway of Lydia's office._

 _"I heard that you lost a baby," Lydia offered, looking up at Riley, "I thought that maybe you'd want to talk."_

 _"I didn't sign up for this. I signed up for happy moms and bouncing bundles of joy. I signed up to bring life into this world, I didn't sign up for death."_

 _"You signed up for a fairytale," Lydia said, standing up from her chair, "This job isn't a fairytale. We see stillbirths and premature babies that don't make it, Mom's bleed to death leaving entire families, and women struggle through miscarriages and infertility. The fantasy is very pretty, Riley, but it's not the job. Our job is to help people to the best of our abilities."_

 _"I held a baby in my hands and watched it die. What's the point of being a doctor, what's the point of all of these years of medical knowledge and scientific advancement, if, at the end of the day, I can hold a baby in my hands and not be able to save it?" Riley demanded, wiping furiously at the tears that were running down her cheeks._

 _"We like to think that we have all of the answers, but we don't get a say in who lives and who dies. I don't know what your belief system is, but, for whatever reason, bad things happen to good people, to undeserving people. Being a doctor is a noble calling, but it will test you. It will test how much you hope, how much you believe, what you believe in, and how much pain and suffering you can stand to watch. This job isn't pretty or glamorous, but it's important and you're very good at it Doctor Mathews. But what sets the good doctors apart from the best doctors, is what you take from this experience. You've held life in your hands and, now, you've held death. You can run away from the pain, from the job, from the horror story that doing this will sometimes resemble, or you can embrace it. You can decide that as hard as things get, this is what you want, and you're going to keep trying, even when it's a fight to get up and come into work every day and even when you heart feels shredded within your chest. That's what sets the mediocre apart from the extraordinary."_

 _"There has to be a point where the pain gets to be too much to handle," Riley insisted._

 _"If there is, I haven't reached it, yet, and I've been doing this for a very long time," Lydia replied, "This job is hard, if it wasn't, everyone would do it. But, Riley, it's also incredibly rewarding, it has the potential to be something that makes you just as happy as it does miserable."_

Riley leans against the side of her car as she watches the medical examiner zip bodies into bags. She's sore from crawling around in glass and she's not sure what blood comes from others and what is her own, but she can't bring herself to look away from the accident site.

"How are you doing?" Lydia questioned, pausing beside her.

"Every time I watch someone die it feels like I've failed," Riley admitted, folding her arms across her chest, "After Blake died, I really thought about quitting. It's one thing to lose a baby, whose heart stopped beating before they were even out of the womb, but it's another to sit with someone, to have them right in front of you and watch them die."

"Physicians are waging a constant war with nature itself and nature's been around a lot longer than us and will be there long after we're gone, but I'm not ready to stop fighting, yet, are you?"

"Tonight, I'm ready to stop fighting. I imagine the fight will still be there in the morning," Riley replied, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

"Don't start panicking, but there's something that you should know," Lydia informed her.

"Roy said that Lucas wasn't here," Riley said, a sinking feeling settling in her stomach.

"It's not Lucas," Lydia said calmly. 

_"You look like you've had a bad day," Charlie offered, sinking down next to her on the steps._

 _"It's been more like a bad three years," Riley replied._

 _"I can relate," Charlie snorted._

 _"You remember the first year of medical school, when every teacher was trying to get you to quit?" Riley questioned._

 _"They only tried during your first year?" Charlie replied, looking at her incredulously._

 _"Medical school had nothing on this job."_

 _"You going to quit?" Charlie questioned, no judgement in his voice._

 _"I tried that once, but I always find myself coming back to this. There's not another job that makes me feel as alive as this one does, I love it," Riley sighed, rubbing her eyes._

 _"Why is it that the things that we love can make us the most miserable?" Charlie asked and Riley let out a humorless laugh._

 _"Because life's not a fairytale, it's just life."_

"How are you feeling?" Riley questioned, hesitating in the doorway of the hospital.

"Sore, but besides a couple of broken ribs and this lovely cut on my head, I've been told that I'm going to make a full recovery," Zay informed her, gesturing for her to enter the room.

"I called Farkle and he and Lucas are on their way," Riley informed him, taking a seat in the chair next to the hospital bed.

"How's Isla?" Zay asked.

"She has a broken nose from the airbags and a broken arm, but they're not even keeping her the night," Riley replied, "She won't be delivering any babies or doing surgery for a while, but she'll live."

"What happened to you?"

"I helped out at the scene," Riley replied, "Do you remember anything of what happened?"

"Everything's a little fuzzy," Zay admitted.

"The police want a statement, but the nurses have insisted that they wait until morning," Riley explained.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you at the opening, I didn't have any right to act like I understand what's going on between you and Lucas," Zay apologized.

"You were right, though. I was sitting with this mom, while we waited for the ambulances to get to there, and I kept thinking about the first time someone died on my watch. I had all of these noble thoughts about what it would be like to be a doctor and they were completely crushed when I realized what the reality of my work was," Riley sighed, "I build things up in my head to the point where they can never live up to what I want them to be in reality and that's what I've done with Lucas, that's what I've done with my life. I want it to be perfect and whenever it doesn't match up to my expectations, I panic and I make the wrong choice."

"You know what I've realized?" Zay asked.

"What?"

"That life is incredibly short and when we find someone who loves us, who's willing to tolerate all of our crazy quirks and flaws, we have to hold onto them," Zay said, reaching out and squeezing her hand.

Riley secured Summer's car seat in the back of the car and looked at Lucas, as he mimicked her motions with Matt.

"Where were you?" Riley questioned and he looked up at her. Farkle had decided to stay the night with Zay and would drive Zay home the next morning, leaving Riley and Lucas to drive home together.

They'd talked about the accident and joked around for most of the visit, but Riley's heart hadn't been in it. Even with her new realizations, she was still recovering from the worry that something had happened to him.

"I'm sorry that I worried you, I should have called," Lucas responded, closing the door and moving into the driver's seat.

"I thought it was you in that accident," Riley informed him as she pulled the passenger's door open, "I sat in a wrecked car for hours counting someone's heartbeats and wondering if you were one of the people who I'd seen dead in the road when I'd gotten there."

"I know that we haven't been good about communicating," Lucas sighed, his hands resting on the steering wheel, though he didn't appear to have any intention of leaving.

"You were my best friend, once, you were my favorite person in the entire world to talk to. I want that again, I need that if we're ever going to have a chance of making our relationship work," Riley admitted.

"I want that, too," Lucas agreed, reaching over to squeeze her hand.

"Then I want you to tell me about what happened between you and Maya."

A single raindrop hit the windshield, signaling the end of the heat wave, but from the look on Lucas's face, Riley had a feeling that it had only just begun.

 **Thank you for reading! I would love it if you would let me know what you think!**


	8. Walk On

_"And love is not the easy thing, the only baggage you can bring, is all that you can't leave behind."-Walk on, U2._

The silence that had settled over them was tense and uncomfortable, but Riley waited expectantly for him to start talking. Lucas reached forward and started the car, the engine humming to life, as he turned off the air conditioner. Then, turned on the windshield wipers, letting them brush away the raindrops that had started collecting along the glass in front of them.

"I don't want to keep it from you, but is bringing up the past really going to help anything?" Lucas sighed, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

"I want to know you again and I can't do that if I don't know what happened," Riley replied.

"I'll tell you, but I think this conversation would be better at home," Lucas suggested and Riley nodded once.

The drive gives Riley more time to think then what she should probably have. She finds memories playing through her head and leans her head against the window in an attempt to bring herself back to the present. Water is soaking the streets and Riley gets the feeling that there's going to be snow before the storm passes. She tries not to think about how it will impact her travel plans and resists the urge to groan when she realizes that she still has to tell Lucas about Thanksgiving.

Despite wanting the drive over with, they're pulling into the garage too soon and bringing the twins inside. Riley takes the time to change them into their pajamas and feeds both of them, listening as Lucas shuffles around in their bedroom across the hall.

She sets both of them in their cribs and turns on the baby monitor before closing the door and bracing her back against it. She has a feeling that they're approaching another one of the moments that they'll never forget, but Riley's not sure that remembering will be a good thing.

Lucas is sitting on the edge of the bed when Riley hesitates in the doorway. He's holding something in his lap and his head is bent over as he stares intently at the carpet of the floor.

"Are we going to do this?" Riley asks, straightening her posture as she enters the room.

"What do you want to know?" Lucas returns, looking up. His eyes are tired and she sees both relief and apprehension in them as she sits down on the floor, her back against the edge of the bed, and he scoots off to join her. She realizes that the object in his hands is a book and momentarily wonders what he was doing with it.

"Everything, let's just get it all out in the open," Riley suggested.

"Maya and I weren't good for each other, we brought out the worst in each other," he offered, his gaze deliberately not on her, "We were both drowning and trying to save each other at the same time and it was killing both of us, not that we could see that at the time."

"How did it start?" Riley questioned, when it didn't seem that he was going to go on.

"My father cheated on my mother before we moved to New York, it was one of the reasons that I had all of this anger in me. We moved to New York looking for a new start and for a while, we had it. Then, Nick got diagnosed with cancer and it changed everything."

"You didn't tell me," Riley reminded him, closing her eyes.

"He was diagnosed during our Sophomore year and things were so good with us, Riley. You were this good part of my life and I could go be with you and not have to talk about cancer. I could be with you and pretend that none of the bad things in my life were going on," he admitted, "And, for a while, that was enough, but then things started going bad between us. You were struggling to figure out who you were and where you fit in and I started looking to other things to numb how badly things had become at home."

"I would have been there for you if you had talked to me, I could have been there for you," she whispered, the regrets and what-if's from years ago bubbling to the surface.

"You have to understand that I did everything the wrong way and if I could take it all back, I would. I was young and selfish and angry at the world. I don't know if telling you would have made anything better, but you couldn't have fixed things and I didn't want to drag you into the hopeless situation that I was stuck in. So, I pulled away from you, I started drinking, and I turned to Maya," he explained, his voice breaking with the words.

"While we were together?" Riley asked, incredulously, her head moving up to look at him.

"Not like you're thinking. She was yelling at me one night about the way I was treating you, about how I was letting you down and you deserved better and I snapped. I told her about Nick," Lucas clarified.

"She knew?"

"She found out during junior year, before everything fell apart with us and she was attacked at that party. But that's how it started. She was struggling with the drinking and I was struggling with my family and the idea that my brother was dying, so I invited her to spend the summer with me in Texas."

"She didn't go to art camp?" Riley questioned, pulling her knees up to her chest, as she struggled with the betrayal that was churning in her stomach and shooting sharp pain through her chest.

"No, she was with me, she spent the summer with me."

It was such a simple sentence and to anyone else it might not have been a big deal, but she'd named her daughter Summer. She'd spent a summer living with Lucas on his grandfather's ranch. They were summer rain and that was the one thing that she'd had of him that she'd thought belonged to them.

Riley stood up, making her way to the bathroom and closing the door between them.

"Riley?" Lucas knocks on the door.

She's been sitting on the cold tile for what she assumes is close to half-an-hour and the pain hasn't gone away. She knows that she has a right be angry and she knows that there's a part of her that's furious, but there's so many emotions coursing through her that all she can do is sit and stare at the cabinets in front of her.

He could have spent their entire summer thinking of the time that he had been in Texas with Maya. His mother loved Maya and the way Maya had been so close to Lucas's family at the funeral. She found a dozen little moments clicking into place and it left her wondering how she could have been so blind.

 _There's an open house before Nick's funeral and Riley's under strict instructions not to let Maya out of her sight. Katy is terrified that Maya's going to relapse and Maya's still recovering from her surgery, which is why Riley starts to panic when she realizes that she's lost site of the brunette._

 _"Stairs," Farkle whispers into her ear, from where he's awkwardly standing next to her._

 _Riley's eyes immediately go to the grand staircase that's the centerpiece of the entryway and she sees Maya making it to the top and disappearing down a hallway._

 _"I'll go," Riley suggests, "I'll text you if I manage to get lost and you can send out a search party."_

 _Riley had been shocked when they had pulled up the house that was definitely not Pappy Joe's ranch. The house had its own road that led directly up to a circular driveway with a fountain, that wasn't currently spewing water, in the middle. She hadn't been expecting much of a reaction from Farkle, but she'd expected Maya to at least make a comment on the size of the house, or admit that she'd given them the wrong address and was joking._

 _Instead, Maya had stared at it calmly, her eyes scanning over the building and grounds that they could see through the car window. Riley had chalked the distraction up to Maya's continuing recovery. She'd been off for most of the trip, but Riley still wasn't sure why she would go off exploring the house._

 _Riley ducks up the stairs, feeling uncomfortable around the people that she doesn't know and turns in the same direction as Maya. She knocks on a door and opens it to find a linen closet, before moving to the next doorway._

 _The next door proves to be a bedroom that's decorated like the night sky. Stars and planets hang on strings from the ceiling and posters of constellations adorn the walls. The bedspread is a dark blue and Riley would guess that if she were to close the curtains, the green stars would glow. There's a picture of Lucas and Nick, holding a fish with Pappy Joe smiling behind them, sitting out on the dresser, and she stared at it for half a minute before she closed the door and moves on to the next room._

 _Lucas's room in New York had always been clean when she had come over, but this one is littered with Lucas's clothes. The blinds are drawn and she can barely make out the shapes of anything in the darkness._

 _"Maya?" Riley questions, waiting for an answer, and she jumps when the reply comes from a closed door across the hall._

 _"I'm just changing my bandage, I promise I'm not downing aspirin and vodka," Maya answered, "You can come in."_

 _"Sorry, we're just all supposed to be watching you," Riley apologized, turning the doorknob and taking in the bathroom. The rugs that line the floor are blue and the towels match. There's a picture of the beach hanging from the wall across from the sink and a dark, blue shower curtain is pushed open, leaving her with a clear view of the bathtub._

 _Maya has her shirt pulled up and Riley can see the previous bandages, that she'd just changed, laying out on the marble countertop._

 _"I actually have a legitimate need for painkillers and now I can't take them," Maya complained, pulling her shirt down._

 _Riley pulled off her phone and sent of a text message to Farkle, letting him know exactly where they were, in case he needed to relay the information on to their parents._

 _"I heard your doctor saying that they probably wouldn't work for you, anyway. Your body is so used to them that they'd have to give you a pretty heavy dose for it to help at all," Riley informed her, taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub. She wasn't in any hurry to rejoin the party going on downstairs and she sensed that Maya wasn't, either._

 _"I guess we'd better hope this is the worst of my injuries from now on, then," Maya groaned, wincing as she moved from the mirror over to sit on the closed toilet seat._

 _"You're doing a good job of holding it together," Riley offered. This was the first time that she'd heard Maya complain about the pain, which was more then what she could say for her Uncle Josh, who had been staying with them through his recovery._

 _He was supposedly at home watching Auggie, although Riley got the feeling that Auggie would probably be spending more time watching Josh. He'd been confidant when he'd agreed to donate his kidney to Maya, but Riley got the feeling that it was more then what he had expected. And from the arguing that she'd heard him doing with his girlfriend, she got the feeling it was a bit much for Bethany, too._

 _"I don't show weakness in public," Maya returned, her voice flat._

 _"Hey, can I come in," Farkle's asked, his voice coming through the door._

 _"The funeral procession get to be too much for you?" Maya questioned as Riley moved to open the bathroom door._

 _"There's too many feelings in one room, I just have no idea how I'm supposed to act," Farkle admitted, leaning against the closed door as Riley returned to her spot on the edge of the bathtub._

 _"We're here to support Lucas," Riley reminded him, though she hadn't actually seen Lucas, aside from an awkward greeting._

 _"Which is why we're all hiding in the bathroom," Maya snorted._

 _"I'm his best friend and I barely knew his little brother," Farkle said, quietly._

 _"I only met him twice," Riley admitted, "And I didn't even know he was sick. What kind of girlfriend doesn't know that her boyfriend is acting out because his brother is dying?"_

 _"One whose boyfriend doesn't tell her," Maya replied, her voice taking on the defensive tone that she used whenever she was defending Riley._

 _"He didn't tell me about this house, either," Riley pointed out._

 _"How long does it take to use the bathroom?" Zay's voice followed several insistent knocks, "I've been waiting out here for fifteen minutes."_

 _"There are other bathrooms," Maya called back._

 _"This is the only one with the lavender soap. Excuse a man for wanting some luxury in his life," Zay returned._

 _Maya slowly got up, wincing as the movement pulled at her side, and gestured for Farkle to move as she opened the door a crack, "You know you're at a funeral, right?"_

 _"You know as a recovering drug addict, you're not supposed to be hanging out in bathrooms by yourself," Zay returned._

 _"The Friar's don't keep their medication cabinet in the bathroom and I'm pretty sure Lucas is keeping everything under lock and key, while I'm here. The best thing I could be downing in here is your lavender soap," Maya pointed out._

"Riley?" Lucas calls again, accompanying it with another series of knocks and the jiggling of the doorknob.

Riley snaps out of the memory, but she can't help thinking about how she should have been suspicious by how quickly Maya had found the upstairs bathroom. There had been one right off of the living room that they had been sitting in and the door had been wide open, so that Riley could see into it from the couch. And why hadn't she questioned how Maya knew where the medicine cabinet was?

Maya had been in Lucas's secret house, the one that Riley had only been in for the funeral. She'd spent an entire summer there, getting to know Lucas's family and supporting them, while Riley and Farkle had been running around the city, as Riley tried to get passed her heartbreak.

Riley, slowly, pulled herself off the floor and looked into the mirror. The mirror hadn't been her friend since she'd had the babies. She'd stared into it and picked out all of her imperfections, but this time she's not looking at the weight that she's gained or the stretch marks. This time she sees the eyes that look tired and blank and the way her shoulders sag with exhaustion.

She opens the door and finds Lucas hovering outside, surprised that she's decided to come out.

"You can continue," Riley says and he seems to recognize that it's more of a demand then a suggestion. She wants all of the secrets out in the open and she doesn't want to drag this out, any more then she already has.

"My parent's had just decided to stop Nick's treatment. He was miserable and nothing we were doing was helping, but my mother didn't want to stop. It took Nick months and months of begging, for my father to finally say that they were done and my mother agreed to it, although I don't think that she ever forgave either of them for the decision. Maya and I started talking that summer, really talking, not the joking around that we had always done. But, we were also drinking and I'm pretty sure that's when she started using," Lucas dove back in, "We were both in bad places and we wanted to forget everything. That summer was the first time we kissed."

Riley has to close her eyes and start counting to keep herself from openly reacting to the new information. She'd known that Lucas and Maya had been together, she'd even seen them kissing, and she'd asked for him to tell her. She should be able to handle this.

"We were both drunk and it was a mistake," Lucas said, his tone pleading with her to understand.

"You were the one that Maya called the night that she was arrested," Riley remembered, still trying to fill in the gaps and make the puzzle pieces connect in her mind, "Were you together then?"

"No, we were just friends up until we graduated from high school," Lucas replied and Riley opened her eyes.

"That night on my roof."

"She'd just ran into her half-sister and I thought that you were in love with Farkle. We just needed a distraction, something to make us forget everything else," Lucas sighed.

"This is a lot," Riley admitted, sinking down on her side of the bed.

"You can keep asking questions and I'll keep answering them, but there's one thing that you should know," Lucas said, looking uncertain as to whether he should cross the room and sit next to her or keep the space between them.

"If you're about to tell me that the two of you have a love-child running around out there, I'm not sure that I can handle it tonight," Riley said, flatly, though she could see the sun starting to shine through their blinds.

"I never slept with her," Lucas insisted and she hurt her neck from snapping her head up so quickly.

"You didn't?" Riley questioned, thinking of the nights that she had stared at the ceiling thinking about it.

"No, Maya was looking for someone to fill the hole that her father left in her life. For a while, it was Cory and then they had a falling out and Shawn became a permanent part of her life a little too late. It took us a long time to realize that our relationship was completely family based. She was the sister that I never had and I was the older brother who looked out for her, who filled that hole in her life. When we were anything more than that we were just trying to force ourselves to feel things that we didn't."

"You got engaged to your sister?" Riley asked, skeptically, resisting the urge to dissolve into hysterical laughter at how entirely messed up this entire situation was.

"When I tell you that it took us awhile to figure it out, I mean that we had this conversation the last time that I went to New York," Lucas clarified, "But that's not the thing that you should know."

"Okay?" Riley sighed.

"There's a book," Lucas admitted, holding up the same one he had been holding earlier, "Josh wrote it and published it under a pseudonym. It was more than loosely based on everything that happened with Maya from her going to his dorm room after what happened at that party to his marriage. It had a lot of things in it that we should have told you, but we didn't, and so we kept it from you."

" _Hearts of Stone_ , how appropriate," Riley read, taking the book from his hands and noting that it was a _New York Times_ Bestseller, "By Matt Hughes. Am I in this?"

"Miley Matheson," Lucas replied.

"When one drink alters the course of Penny Meyers life forever, she finds herself spiraling out of control. Feeling isolated from her best friend, Miley Matheson, she turns to Miley's ex-boyfriend, Duke Austin, and starts keeping secrets that could cost her the people she cares most about. Gabe Matthews was three years older than Penny and grew up next door. He has no intention of falling in love with her, but when he's the only one who might be able to pull her from her dark path, he finds himself willing to do whatever it takes to keep her safe," Riley read off of the back cover, "Exactly how accurate is this?"

"It probably should have been published as non-fiction, except for the fact that some of it could have gotten Maya arrested," Lucas offered and Riley let out a humorless laugh.

"So, you're telling me that thousands of people knew what happened between you and Maya before I did?" Riley clarified, "You're telling me that the entire story has been translated into nine different languages, but you didn't bother to even tell me in English?"

"I'm telling you that I should have told you, that I made a mistake and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, for doing the wrong thing, for ever making you feel like I could ever want anyone other than you."

"Where were you tonight, Lucas?"

 **Thanks for reading! Trying to balance what information I reveal between LOT and HS and at what time, has made my updating schedule pretty complicated, which is why it's taken me so long to get it up. I, also, had a really hard time with writing this chapter, so hopefully you enjoyed it. In other news, I've cast the characters from Laws of Motion and Heat Stroke and you can find what actors I could see playing the characters in both stories on my weebly site. (To find Maya's full family from her father's side you have to look through both cast lists). Thanks again for reading and I would love it if you would leave me a review and let me know what you think!**


	9. Hurts Like Hell

The water is nearly scalding, as she showers, trying to erase the last twenty-four hours from her skin. There are cuts from the glass covering her bare arms and she's physically and emotionally exhausted. She leans her head against the wall of the shower, as frustrated sobs vibrate through her body.

Nothing in her life has ever come without a fight, but she'd been hoping that most of the fighting was behind her. She'd hoped that things would fall into place, she'd marry Lucas, and they'd settle down to raise their family. She'd hoped that she would get a break after everything that she had gone through in the last few years.

Turning off the water, Riley grabbed her towel from the towel rack and wrapped it around her body. There was a part of her that was furious and it was the only thing that was keeping her from collapsing into a ball on the ground and losing herself in the pain and frustration that came from believing that the world you lived in was flat and discovering that it was actually round. It was round and full of lies, deceit, and betrayal.

"I'm sorry," Lucas apologized, as soon as the door had opened. She had been hoping that he would be gone by the time that she left the bathroom. She felt vulnerable standing in front of him wrapped in a towel and she didn't want to be, she wanted layers and walls between them.

"I know," Riley offered, entering the closet and closing the door enough that it could act as a barrier between them.

"Can we talk about how you're feeling?" Lucas's voice was too close and she spun around, wrapping the towel more closely around her body.

"I'm feeling like someone who found out that her boyfriend lied to her for ten years and who just informed me that his mother, who hates me, is in town to see my children," she replied, tugging a random shirt off of a hanger.

"Riley," she cut him off before he could continue.

"I've loved you for most of my life, I loved you and you turned to Maya. You turned to my best friend and you let her into your life and she knows things that I don't know about you. You've spent years sharing all of these secrets together and I'm not sure how we're supposed to get passed that."

"You got pregnant and you didn't bother to tell me, you lost that baby and I found out in a court hearing. It's not like you've never done the wrong thing," Lucas fired back.

"I was depressed."

"So was I, I was depressed and I handled things badly. I was, also, seventeen, Riles. If I could go back and change it, I would, but I can't. If I could go back, I would pick you. I have picked you; I'm living in a house with you, you're the mother of my children, there's an engagement ring sitting on our dresser that belongs to you," his eyes pleaded with her to understand.

"You didn't pick me, you picked our children. Can you honestly say that if I hadn't been pregnant we'd be here? Even if you hadn't married Maya, you didn't want to leave New York. I would have been here and you would have been there. You didn't pick me," tears gathered in the corners of Riley's eyes as she struggled to contain them.

"You honestly believe that?" he asked, looking at her as though she had slapped him.

"I don't know what I believe, anymore," she returned, shoving passed him, as she left the bedroom.

She realized a second too late that she didn't have pants, but she just needed to get away. She'd thought that she could handle the truth, that the amount of time that had passed would make a difference, but it doesn't. It makes everything fresh and raw again. It makes her feel like she's back in high school, losing Lucas to Maya and having no idea how it had happened.

Her heart physically ached within her chest. They'd made so many mistakes and their present situation wasn't making either of them happy. She'd been raised to believe that if two people loved each other enough, they could overcome anything they had to face. She'd grown up with, "The Cory and Topanga Story," complete with epic love and soulmates, but her parents had left out the heartbreak that could come from loving someone so completely for so much of your life.

"I have to go in to work, but I'm going to get off early tonight," Lucas left the bedroom, dressed for the day. His hair is a mess and the bags under his eyes reveal that he hasn't gotten much sleep. Any other day she would have commented on it and at least suggested he run a brush through his hair, but this isn't any other day.

She wants to tell him that he's made this promise before and it's never come through, but she's too tired to fight with him, so she just nods and leans further against the wall outside of the nursery, so that he can get passed her.

"I love you," he hesitated in the hallway and she could read the desire to stay that was written in his eyes. The same green eyes that met hers across a subway car years ago and made her heart speed up within her chest.

"Is your mother going to show up unexpected at the house?" Riley pulled herself from the memory, folding her arms across her chest, her shirt still bunched in her hand and her wet hair brushing the bare skin of her back.

"I've asked her to wait, until I get a chance to talk to you about the situation. She didn't, exactly, give us a lot of advanced notice," Lucas sighed, "And I should have called you when I went to meet with her, but I know that the two of you don't get along."

"We can just add it to the list of things that you haven't told me, maybe Josh can use it for his next book," Riley suggested, regretting the words as soon as they were out of her mouth.

"I'll be home early and we can talk," Lucas repeated, reaching out as though he were going to hug her, before his arms fell back to his side. She's surprised by the raw longing that a part of her has to cross the distance and bury herself in his shoulder, to pretend that the entire last twenty-four hours didn't happen, but she doesn't.

His eyes drop to the carpet and her own eyes close, as the distance between them feels overwhelming and insurmountable. She hears his feet hitting the stairs and her eyes open just in time to see his back as he leaves her view.

Too exhausted to do anything else, Riley made her way back into the bedroom. The book was lying in the middle of the bed, but Riley didn't bother to move it, instead sprawling out next to it and closing her eyes. She can faintly hear the sound of rain hitting the window and it lulls her into a restless sleep.

At some point, Claire must have let herself in because Riley has vague memories of Claire hovering in the doorway before she closed Riley's door. Riley's not sure if Lucas told her about what a late night it had been before, but Riley's grateful that there's someone else to watch Mathew and Summer, while she loses herself in the numbness that comes when she closes her eyes and forces herself to stop thinking.

It's early afternoon when she finally brings herself to get out of bed. She pauses at the window to see that the rain is still descending from the heavens. From her window, she can see the section of lawn that they had planned to set up a swing set and the tree that Lucas had insisted was perfect for building a tree house. She wants the future that they had planned for, but she still can't get passed the ache that has taken up residence in her chest.

"Lucas said you had a long night," Claire offered, as Riley descended the stairs. She'd managed to get herself dressed, although she didn't have the energy to try and apply makeup and her hair was carelessly thrown into a ponytail.

"There was an accident that I helped out with," Riley offered, pausing to watch both of the babies kicking into the air from blankets that Claire had spread out across the living room floor.

"Was everyone okay?"

"There were a couple of casualties," Riley replied, struggling to get the words out of her mouth. Logically, she knows that there was nothing that she could do, but she still finds herself taking it hard.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Claire offered, as Riley gathered her things by the door and moved to the coat closet to dig out a jacket.

"Me too," Riley replied, sliding the gray jacket over her scrubs and sliding Josh's book into her bag, "I should be home at my usual time."

"Call me if anything changes," Claire suggested, as Riley let the door close behind her.

She finds herself driving aimlessly, the only sound in the car the rain hitting the roof and the windshield wipers brushing drops of water from the glass. Before she had left the accident site, it had been decided that they were going to keep the practice closed for the day and Lydia had offered to call Jennifer and have the receptionist cancel all of their appointments.

She knows that she's not in any frame of mind to try and work, but she also knows that she couldn't just sit at the house and feel surrounded by betrayal. She's not sure how Lucas could buy a house with her or ask her to marry him, when there was so much about him that he had kept to himself.

The car comes to a stop in the city cemetery and Riley's not entirely sure how she managed to get there. She can see Blake's raised headstone from where she's parked and she can't help missing her original receptionist. He would have been at the accident site helping her, keeping her calm, and assuring her that everything was going to be okay. She knew that he had struggled with the losses they had seen, just as much as she did, but he'd had a way of reminding her that it wasn't her fault.

Her head rests against the steering wheel, as she struggles with the millions of thoughts and emotions that are running through her mind and across her heart. She can see the book resting on the top of her open bag and curiosity compels her to open it up and read it, but she's not sure that she wants to know any more details then what Lucas has already told her. The more she learns, the more she finds herself questioning what's real and what's been carefully constructed lies and buried truths.

She reached over to grab the book and flipped through the first couple of pages. She hadn't given much thought to the dedicatory page, but it's the one that she finds herself focusing on, probably because she doesn't think that it could contain anything that could make her situation worse. The words are short and simple, but Riley gets the feeling that they were written with one person in mind: To the heart that I lost a long time ago.

She had vaguely been aware of Josh's writing over the years, but she'd never thought that he would take it into the realm of novels. He'd scribbled in notebooks and occasionally made up stories for Auggie when he was tucking him in, but he'd covered politics in _The Times_ and the occasional art piece, although he'd usually complained that writing about art was his least favorite assignment because everyone saw it differently.

Without thinking it through, she finds herself opening to the first page, the words jumping out at her.

 _Words are a powerful tool that can build or tear something apart in an instant. The words that are thrown across Penny's apartment, throughout her childhood, are the latter. They're chosen in fits of anger and they leave festering wounds that never get the chance to heal._

 _"It's my savings account, Kurtis. I had plans," her mother was saying, standing in front of the television that was blaring._

 _"It's always money with you. Guess what? Your acting career isn't going anywhere and I don't think that even you can pretend that this life we're living is anything like we hoped it would be," Kurtis snapped, standing to face his wife._

 _"You said that you supported my dreams."_

 _"That was before you got pregnant," he retorted, "That was before we had a child."_

 _"Before you lost your job," Lacy countered and Penny could see the tears that were running down her mother's face._

 _"That wasn't my fault."_

 _"It never is. I'm working two jobs to keep a roof over our head, to have food for us. So, if I wanted to have some money put away for when."_

 _"When what, Lacy? When you decide to leave me?" He pressed and Lacy wiped furiously at her tears._

 _"Can you blame me? You come home drunk most nights and you sleep late, I feel like I'm completely on my own" Lacy whispered, staring at him accusingly._

 _"You don't get to leave. I gave up everything for you when you got pregnant and you don't get to leave," there's a moment where Lacy and Kurtis just stare at each other, the moment where the words hang like electricity in the air, and then he's leaving, grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch and slamming the front door in his wake._

Maya would have hated having her early memories displayed for all of the world to see. The only times Riley had ever heard her speak of her parents fighting were in quiet moments and fading light, as though the memories were too painful to confront in the harsh light of day.

The first few pages set up Maya's early life and sketch out the basics of their friendship. She's surprised to find how many memories of their early years Maya had chosen to share with Josh and the way he somehow manages to capture the emotions. She even finds herself smiling as it highlights their early adventures in middle school, but high school comes too quickly.

She'd never understood Maya's fascination with alcohol and with the parties, but the way Josh describes it makes her wonder if she somehow missed out. Then, she's reading about her breakup with Lucas and it's every bit as painful as she remembers it being.

 _Penny dialed Duke's number and waited as it rang, drumming her fingers against her leg._

 _"Penny?" Duke answered, his voice curt and annoyed._

 _"What happened?" Penny demanded,_

 _"It was for the best, Miley deserves better then what I can give her," Duke replied, somehow knowing that she was calling about the breakup._

 _"What are you talking about? You're Mr. Perfect, you're her knight in shining armor," Penny insisted._

 _"I don't feel like any of those things, anymore," Duke snapped._

 _"Why can't you just tell her what's going on in your life?" Penny returned, her voice rising with his._

 _"Because none of it matters, my brother has been given six months to live. Six months, Penny, he's not even going to live to see his next birthday. My mother won't even speak to my father since he sided with Wes over ending the treatments. I don't even get a say in what's going on, so I don't have the energy, or the strength, to be what Miley deserves. And I can't talk to her about it because I know exactly how she'll react."_

 _"But you'll talk to me?" Penny pointed out, trying to stay mad at him and failing._

 _"If I tell Miley what's going on, she'll forgive me. She'll just forgive me and take me back after everything that I've done, but I won't deserve it. Everything that she told me is right. We don't have a future together until I figure myself out," Duke explained._

 _"But if she doesn't go through this with you, then will you have a future?"_

It's funny how some questions can stretch through time.

The book is a like a car accident that she can't look away from, despite the fact that the lines blur with her tears and each letter feels like it's embedding itself in her heart and leaving a shredded, bleeding mess in its wake.

"Hey, do you have a minute?" Riley knocked on the door that led to the office at the back of the yogurt shop.

Zay and Farkle had managed to squeeze two desks into the room on opposite walls and it was easy to tell whose work space was whose. Zay's wall was filled with pictures of chefs that she vaguely recognized from the cooking channel and Farkle was sporting several pictures of his favorite Supreme Court Judges.

"What's wrong?" Farkle asked, spinning around in his chair to face her.

"I had a talk with Lucas last night and I was just wondering, legally, what would happen if I were to leave him," Riley kept her gaze focused on the ground, as she wrapped her arms around herself and hovered in the doorway.

"You want to take a seat?" Farkle gestured across to Zay's work space and Riley slowly made her way across the room, sinking into the chair that he had indicated, "What happened?"

"Did you know about Lucas and Maya spending the summer together before our senior year?" Riley questioned, her eyes darting up as she gaged whether he was going to lie to her or not.

"Yes, but I found out about it years after the fact," Farkle replied, staring at her evenly.

"In the book?"

"Maya was planning to sue Josh for defamation of character when it came out and she came to me for legal advice," Farkle explained, "She didn't have a case, but I read the book."

"And you didn't think to tell me?" Riley pressed, blinking back the tears that had gathered in her eyes.

"You were moving on, Riles. You were in school and you were focused on building a career. I didn't think that you deserved to be dragged through the mess that Maya and Lucas made of everything. You deserved to move on."

"Except that I didn't," Riley's eyes fell to her lap and she could hear Farkle's sigh from across the room, "So, leaving Lucas, what would that mean legally?"

"Lucas bought the house and the two of you aren't married, so the house would remain his. You might be able to make a good case for Lucas paying child support, you'd probably end up with joint custody. Things could get messy if he demands restitution for helping to pay your student loans," Farkle explained, "But we both know that isn't going to happen."

"I don't know what to do," Riley admitted, a tear dropping from her eye onto the back of her hand.

"Riley, this isn't a legal problem. Lucas isn't going to try to take the house or your kids from you and, as mad as you are at him, you're not going to try to do those things, either," Farkle said, gently, "The statute of limitations on the things we did in high school is up."

"What about the lying? What's the statute of limitations on that?" Riley questioned, rising from her chair.

"Give yourself some time to process things before you make any big decisions," Farkle warned her.

"I'm not sure that time is going to make any of this okay," Riley returned, making her way out of his office and towards the door.

Riley had tossed most of her clothes, but she finds herself debating over what to take to New York with her, anyway. She'd decided that it would be easier to pack everything in her carryon bag, rather than deal with checking a suitcase, which leaves her with limited room.

"I'm home," Lucas's voice is hesitant, and his eyes are cautious, as though he's not entirely sure what he's walked into.

"You are," she agreed, the dress she had been holding up in her hand, dropping into a pile on the bed.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"I have a patient who needs a surgery that I can't perform, so I'm taking her to New York to meet with a specialist in neonatal medicine," Riley admitted.

"Tonight?" he asked, looking at her skeptically.

"Next week," Riley corrected him, turning back to her packing.

"Over Thanksgiving? The week that we were supposed to spend together as a family?" his voice was incredulous.

"I have to help my patient and this is the only way that I know how to, I'm sure that you can relate to that," Riley sighed, setting the dress into her bag and sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"I know that you're mad at me, that you're frustrated, but we need next week, Riles. We need that time together to fix this," he raised his hands in a helpless gesture and Riley rubbed her temples as she felt the beginning of a headache.

"I'm not sure that we can fix this. You're standing right in front of me and I have no idea who you are, I'm not sure that I've ever known who you are. And that's not something that we can figure out in a week," Riley sighed.

"Maybe not, but we can figure this out, if you're willing to give us the time," Lucas pleaded, crossing the room and kneeling down in front of her.

"I've given you twenty years of my life, Lucas. I've been living here with you for the last four months and I barely see you. We can talk about changing things and making things better, but that doesn't change the fact that you turned to Maya during the very worst time of your life and I turned to Charlie and Lydia, during mine. We don't lean on each other, we're not there for each other, and after twenty years, I'm just not sure that we can be fixed," her voice cracked, as she struggled to keep from dissolving into tears.

"I love you. I know that I've made a lot of mistakes and that I've taken our relationship for granted when I shouldn't have, but I'm willing to fight for you. I'm willing to spend however long it takes making amends for hurting you and finding ways to show you that you're it for me. With or without the twins, I was always going to end up by your side. But I need to know that you're willing to fight for us, too. Are you?"

 **I had the hardest time with this chapter. It's been rewritten twice and I've finally decided just to post it. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and continues to support me and my stories! My fall semester classes have started and on top of being a full-time college student, I'm also doing a certification program for the next six weeks, which is going to probably mess with my updating schedule, but I promise that I'm not giving up on any of my stories. I'm tentatively planning on updating Heat Stroke on Tuesdays and this story on Fridays or Saturdays, but it could be pretty sporadic for the next little while.**

 **Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter and I would love to know what you think about this one!**


	10. Fear Is Like Fire

There was a sign that used to hang outside of the door of one of Riley's classes. It was one of the motivational posters that seemed to hang around every corner of every college campus that had ever been established. By the time she'd reached her second semester of school, she'd stopped really noticing the signs that surrounded her, but this one was different. This one promised that, "Everything that you want is on the other side of fear."

She's not sure why the memory of the stupid sign had come back to her, but it's what she thinks about as she gets out of bed the next morning. Lucas had slept on the couch the previous night and the bed had felt cold without him. She'd spent most of the night gazing up at the ceiling and wondering if she was ever going to feel warm again.

Her morning routine felt mechanical and she can barely train her mind on the tasks in front of her. She gets the twins ready for Claire and packs her bag for work. She's surprised when she finds Lucas looking out the window over the sink, when she descends the stairs.

It's not hard to figure out what he's thinking about.

 _"I love you. I know that I've made a lot of mistakes and that I've taken our relationship for granted when I shouldn't have, but I'm willing to fight for you. I'm willing to spend however long it takes making amends for hurting you and finding ways to show you that you're it for me. With or without the twins, I was always going to end up by your side. But I need to know that you're willing to fight for us, too. Are you?"_

 _"I don't know," Riley admitted, unable to look at him._

 _"Let me know when you figure it out," Lucas snapped, the bedroom door slamming behind him._

"Morning," she offers, hesitantly, depositing Summer and Matt on a blanket that had been spread out on the floor.

"How'd you sleep?" he returned, not looking away from whatever had captivated his attention.

"Not well," she replied, honestly, "You?"

"I've slept better," he returned, turning around to look at her.

"Are you okay to wait for Claire to get here, I've got an early appointment," Riley informed him, folding her arms across her chest.

"I can wait," he sighed and there was something so defeated in his expression that Riley found herself rooted to the spot she was standing in, the entire length of the kitchen between them.

Once upon a time, they'd never had any trouble talking and now she can't find the right words to say. Now, she's not sure what he could say to make her feel differently, or what she could say to explain the feelings that are running through her heart.

The doorbell ringing causes Riley to break his gaze and she mindlessly makes her way to the front door, pulling it open and wincing at the cold air that hits her in its rush to get inside. There's white flakes, melting on impact with the ground, but enough to obscure her vision of the countryside outside of her front door.

"Good morning," Claire offered, cheerfully, as Riley stepped aside to let the woman in.

"I fed the twins," Riley supplied, closing the door and following Claire into the house, "I should be home at my normal time this evening."

Lucas was gone from the kitchen when they made their way to the family room and Riley assumed that he must have gone upstairs to get ready.

"Have a good day," Claire sunk down onto the couch and Riley nodded, debating whether she should go up the stairs and let Lucas know that she was leaving or head out.

A look at her phone confirmed that she was already running late and she grabbed her bag off of the floor and headed towards the door that led out to the garage. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was leaving something important behind, but she continued on, anyway.

The snow melted into her hair and she found herself shivering, as she headed into the bakery. Her eyes scanned the booths and she was relieved to find that it was mostly empty. The place was a hangout for most of the people at the hospital and Riley had been a handful of times, although she usually just grabbed things to go and she was currently trying to be good with her eating habits.

"What can I get you?" the teenager behind the counter questioned.

"I'll just have a glazed donut," Riley decided, pulling her wallet out of her pocket and offering the money across the counter top.

He grabbed the donut with a napkin and handed it over to her, peeling off a pair of gloves before he added the money to the cash register. Riley glanced around the room again and found the person she was supposed to be meeting settled into the shadows in the back.

Riley made her way across the room, trying not to flinch under the weight of her companion's gaze. The first thing she had ever noticed about Rebecca Friar was that she had the same eyes as Lucas, although Lucas's eyes had always been easier to read and they'd never left her feeling small.

"Thank you for being willing to meet with me," Rebecca greeted her, brushing a strand of blonde hair from her face, as she adjusted the position that she was seated in. She was wearing a pencil skirt that was stretched tightly across her crossed legs and a green, satin shirt that made the color in her eyes that much more apparent. However, Riley couldn't help noticing that there was something in the way her clothes hung around her that suggested she'd recently lost weight.

"I didn't see any way of avoiding this," Riley returned, setting the donut down and sliding across from the older woman.

"I remember the first time I met you," Rebecca admitted, pursing her lips, "It was at parent teacher conferences and Lucas pointed you out across the room before he led me over to introduce you. Do you remember?" Rebecca questioned.

"I don't," Riley lied, trying to forget the stuttering she'd done, while feeling trapped under a microscope.

"You were nervous and your smile looked forced, but what got me was the way that Lucas looked at you. I'd thought that the two of you would grow out of it, but neither of you did. No matter how many times the two of you mess things up, you end up right back where you started. Some people might call that persistence, but I would call it the very definition of insanity."

"You've never liked me with your son," Riley forced herself not to react to the words.

 _The first time Riley finds herself alone with Rebecca Friar is the summer of her freshman year of high school. She'd spent very little time at Lucas's house since becoming his girlfriend, though her father seemed to prefer it that way. Lucas had claimed that his parents were busy and rarely home, but Riley couldn't help thinking that there must have been more to the story._

 _The Minkus family were close friends with the Friars' and Riley had been invited to tag along to Farkle's summer residence. The first few days had been fun, mostly spent on the beach with Maya and Farkle, though she was eagerly anticipating the arrival of her boyfriend, along with his parent's for the upcoming Fourth of July weekend. She was missing him and the late night phone calls and constant texting didn't make up for the absence of his physical presence._

 _She'd waited eagerly on the front steps the day that Lucas was supposed to arrive and had thought she might burst from excitement when she saw their car pull up to the front of the house. Lucas appeared to be even more attractive then she remembered and she'd darted across the expansive front lawn and directly into his arms as soon as he'd emerged._

 _"Lucas, can you please grab the bags?" Rebecca had questioned, Riley's face mirrored in the lenses of Rebecca's sunglasses, as the woman emerged from the car._

 _"Of course, Mom," Lucas agreed, pulling out of Riley's arms and moving towards the back of the car._

 _"It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Friar," Riley had greeted her, as her eyes had scanned the front of the house before returning to Riley._

 _"High school certainly hasn't changed you," Rebecca had offered, a mocking smile curving across her face before she brushed passed Riley and into the house._

 _"She's upset about my father staying back in the city to work, he was supposed to come," Lucas had apologized, wheeling a Louis Vuitton suitcase behind him and slinging a duffel bag over his shoulder._

 _"Farkle and Maya are waiting inside," Riley changed the subject, leading him into the house._

 _The rest of the day hadn't improved Rebecca's mood. She'd retreated into one of the guest bedrooms for most of the afternoon and left with Farkle's mother to go shopping in the early evening. Farkle's mother had extended an invite for Maya and Riley to tag along, but there hadn't had to have been a discussion for Riley and Maya to know that they couldn't afford anything that Rebecca and Jennifer were buying._

 _The teens had spent the afternoon playing in the pool before setting up a bonfire on the beach for dinner. Riley had been headed inside to grab drinks for the group when she found herself alone with Rebecca Friar in the kitchen._

 _Rebecca was leaning against the kitchen counter, a glass of wine in one hand and her cell phone in the other. There was something contemplative and sad about the way she was looking at the floor, but Riley had no doubt that it would disappear the moment that Riley entered the kitchen._

 _Riley hesitated in the doorway before deciding that she wasn't going to let Lucas's mother deter her from entering the house. She did, however, ignore Rebecca, as she made her way to the fridge and grabbed the requested sodas from the fridge._

 _"It won't last; you know?" Rebecca spoke, her eyes not leaving the tile that she was staring intently at._

 _"I'm sorry?" Riley replied, looking up in shock._

 _"Right now, everything is wonderful. He loves you and you love him and your future is wide open with possibilities, but it doesn't last," she clarified, her eyes flickering to Riley, as she took a sip of her drink._

 _It happened to be one of the fears that consumed Riley's nights before the morning came, along with Lucas and Maya to walk her to school, and she let the fears melt under the sunshine and warmth that came from being surrounded by the people that she loved most in the world._

 _The kind of fear that should have been laid to rest, along with their love triangle. But there was still some small part of her that couldn't allow herself to hope for a future with Lucas. Maybe it was too many times of hearing Maya doubt or maybe it was just the insecurities that looked back at her from the mirror, but hearing his mother say it made her blood run cold._

 _"That's a cynical way to look at the world," Riley forced herself to say, closing the fridge door and turning back towards the exit._

 _"Maybe, but Lucas is a lot like his dad. They throw themselves into something with fervor, make these eloquent speeches that make you willing to follow them to the ends of the earth, and then decide somewhere along the way that there must be something better then what they already have. It's all smoke and mirrors and fantasy. It's all very pretty, but one day, you'll look up and the pretty world you've constructed around you will crumble to dust."_

 _"I don't believe that," Riley insisted, forcing the doubts within herself to be quiet._

 _"Neither did I, in the beginning," Rebecca offered, setting her glass in the sinking and disappearing down the hallway._

"Your relationship is toxic, it's destructive. You're looking for a fairytale and he's chasing after something to fill the void, but at the end of the day, both of you will be disappointed," Rebecca replied, shaking her head.

"Well, if that's all you wanted to say," Riley grabbed her things, getting ready to leave.

"That's not why I asked you to meet me," Rebecca informed her and Riley paused, "I actually came to see Doctor Mathews."

"Excuse me?" Riley choked out, wondering whether she should laugh or cry.

"My doctor found an ovarian mass," Rebecca explained, "Based on the images that they took of it, it's pretty big."

"You didn't even want me to deliver Maya's baby, why would you come to me with your own health problems?" Riley asked, looking at her incredulously.

"Because if there's one thing that I know about you, it's that you love my son, and you know that my son loves me. Who's going to fight harder to save my life then someone who knows that the person who they love will never forgive them if they don't?"

"I don't know how someone like you raised a son like Lucas," Riley offered, standing up, donut forgotten on the table.

"When you've raised your own children, when you've buried one, when you've spent a lifetime with a man whose entire world becomes whatever his current obsession is, then maybe you'll understand. You do what you have to protect your family and survive, the rest is just collateral damage."

Riley sunk down into her desk chair, placing her head in her hands, as tears fell from her eyes onto the surface of her desk. She couldn't remember the drive from the bakery back to the office, but somehow she found herself sitting and staring at the stained floorboards.

"Doctor Mathews?" Jennifer's voice came from the doorway, as she hesitantly slipped through the doorway.

"Is everything okay?" Riley wiped furiously at her eyes, forcing a smile and looking up at the younger girl.

"You just seemed kind of distracted when you came in," Jennifer paused in front of the desk.

"It's just been a bad couple of days," Riley offered, leaning back in her chair.

"I can relate," Jennifer snorted, sinking down in the chair across from her, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"The first time that I was given the chance to perform a C-section, I froze. I was so terrified of messing up, of killing someone, that I couldn't move. That was the first time that I had ever felt that kind of terror and now I feel the exact same way. I'm terrified that whatever move I make next, is going to be a mistake, is going to mess everything up. So, I'm sitting here and I'm not moving," Riley explained.

"For how long?" Jennifer questioned.

"Until the hypothermia sets in."

 **I apologize for how long this chapter has taken to get up. My class schedule has proven to be a lot heavier then I planned on, but things should get better if I can just get through the next four weeks. Thanks to everyone who continues to support this story and I would love it if you would review!**

 **To the person who implied that I plagiarized the last chapter: I did borrow some of the text from Josh's book from my other story, Heat Stroke, but it's modified and while you can plagiarize yourself, this isn't an academic paper, so I think I'm probably safe.**


	11. Devil and The Deep

Previously on _Laws of Timing:_

 _"I know that we haven't been good about communicating," Lucas sighed, his hands resting on the steering wheel, though he didn't appear to have any intention of leaving._

 _"You were my best friend, once, you were my favorite person in the entire world to talk to. I want that again, I need that if we're ever going to have a chance of making our relationship work," Riley admitted._

 _"I want that, too," Lucas agreed, reaching over to squeeze her hand._

 _"Then I want you to tell me about what happened between you and Maya."_

* * *

 _" Maya was looking for someone to fill the hole that her father left in her life. For a while, it was Cory and then they had a falling out and Shawn became a permanent part of her life a little too late. It took us a long time to realize that our relationship was completely family based. She was the sister that I never had and I was the older brother who looked out for her, who filled that hole in her life. When we were anything more than that we were just trying to force ourselves to feel things that we didn't."_

 _"You got engaged to your sister?" Riley asked, skeptically, resisting the urge to dissolve into hysterical laughter at how entirely messed up this entire situation was._

 _"When I tell you that it took us awhile to figure it out, I mean that we had this conversation the last time that I went to New York," Lucas clarified, "But that's not the thing that you should know."_

 _"Okay?" Riley sighed._

 _"There's a book," Lucas admitted._

* * *

 _Can we talk about how you're feeling?" Lucas's voice was too close and she spun around, wrapping the towel more closely around her body._

 _"I'm feeling like someone who found out that her boyfriend lied to her for ten years and who just informed me that his mother, who hates me, is in town to see my children," she replied, tugging a random shirt off a hanger._

* * *

 _"Riley," she cut him off before he could continue._

 _"I've loved you for most of my life, I loved you and you turned to Maya. You turned to my best friend and you let her into your life and she knows things that I don't know about you. You've spent years sharing these secrets together and I'm not sure how we're supposed to get passed that."_

 _"I love you. I know that I've made a lot of mistakes and that I've taken our relationship for granted when I shouldn't have, but I'm willing to fight for you. I'm willing to spend however long it takes making amends for hurting you and finding ways to show you that you're it for me. With or without the twins, I was always going to end up by your side. But I need to know that you're willing to fight for us, too. Are you?"_

 _"I don't know," Riley admitted, unable to look at him._

 _"Let me know when you figure it out," Lucas snapped, the bedroom door slamming behind him._

* * *

 _"Your relationship is toxic, it's destructive. You're looking for a fairytale and he's chasing after something to fill the void, but at the end of the day, both of you will be disappointed," Rebecca replied, shaking her head._

 _"Well, if that's all you wanted to say," Riley grabbed her things, getting ready to leave._

 _"That's not why I asked you to meet me," Rebecca informed her and Riley paused, "I actually came to see Doctor Mathews."_

 _"Excuse me?" Riley choked out, wondering whether she should laugh or cry._

 _"My doctor found an ovarian mass," Rebecca explained, "Based on the images that they took of it, it's pretty big."_

 _"You didn't even want me to deliver Maya's baby, why would you come to me with your own health problems?" Riley asked, looking at her incredulously._

 _"Because if there's one thing that I know about you, it's that you love my son, and you know that my son loves me. Who's going to fight harder to save my life then someone who knows that the person who they love will never forgive them if they don't?"_

* * *

 _"Doctor Mathews?" Jennifer's voice came from the doorway, as she hesitantly slipped through the doorway._

 _"Is everything okay?" Riley wiped furiously at her eyes, forcing a smile and looking up at the younger girl._

 _"You just seemed kind of distracted when you came in," Jennifer paused in front of the desk._

 _"It's just been a bad couple of days," Riley offered, leaning back in her chair._

 _"I can relate," Jennifer snorted, sinking down in the chair across from her, "Do you want to talk about it?"_

 _"The first time that I was given the chance to perform a C-section, I froze. I was so terrified of messing up, of killing someone, that I couldn't move. That was the first time that I had ever felt that kind of terror and now I feel the exact same way. I'm terrified that whatever move I make next, is going to be a mistake, is going to mess everything up. So, I'm sitting here and I'm not moving," Riley explained._

 _"For how long?" Jennifer questioned._

 _"Until the hypothermia sets in."_

* * *

 _The summer heat had Riley's shirt sticking to her skin and making every breath feel like an incredible effort, but she still couldn't bring herself to move away from the massive amount of heat that Lucas was generating. She'd spent far too long thinking that she would never have his arms wrapped around her like this, again, to take any second of their time together for granted. Especially knowing that it had an expiration date._

 _"I can hear you thinking," Lucas complained, his voice a muffled murmur, from sleep._

 _"I'm not thinking," Riley protested, kicking at the sheets that had been draped over their tangled legs._

 _"I don't believe you," he disagreed, his voice filled with fond amusement._

 _"Just go back to sleep," Riley urged him, burying her face into his chest and inhaling the smell of freshly cut lawns and the brand of soap that he'd been using since way back in their middle school days._

 _"Love you," he sighed, his voice near enough to sleep that Riley wasn't entirely sure if he was even aware of what he was saying. His breathing had evened out enough that Riley was sure that he was asleep and she smiled as she felt each breathe ruffling the top of her head._

 _"I love you, too, always," she promised, anyway, feeling the pull of sleep drawing her in herself._

 _When she returned to awareness, it was to the sound of a steady thumping. Lucas's heartbeat had easily become one of Riley's favorite sounds. It was steady and constant, the kind of sound that you could depend on. She'd spent enough time pressed to his chest listening to it that she was pretty sure she could pick the sound out of a lineup of hearts._

 _"If the world were coming to an end tomorrow, if a meteor were catapulting towards earth, and you had twenty-four hours to live, what would you do?" Lucas questioned, wrapping her hair between his fingers, as his hand slowly rubbed up and down against her back._

 _He must have picked up in the change of her breathing because she's yet to open her eyes and she can't stop the laughter that bubbles out of her mouth. Only Lucas would be asking such heavy and random questions this early in the morning._

 _"I don't know," Riley replied, leaning up so that she could see his face._

 _"You're always thinking of worst case scenarios and you've never thought through this one?" Lucas asked, skeptically._

 _"I'd call my parents and Maya and confess to them that I lied about where I was spending my summer. Then, I could leave this life without any stains on my conscience," Riley offered, knowing that she had answered wrong as soon as his hands stopped playing with her hair, "What would you do?"_

Riley snapped awake, looking at the fading light that was streaming through her office window. The dream had been vivid and she's surprised to find how cold she actually is. Goosebumps have formed along her arms and she snags her lab coat off the back of her seat and shoves her arms through the sleeves, in an attempt to get warm.

She'd thought that her comment about waiting for hypothermia was metaphorical, but based on the temperature of the room, she wonders if she might have hit the mark closer than she thought. A look out the window revealed that the snow had started gathering on the ground in several inches and she winced at the thought of having to drive home in it.

"Are you headed out?" Lydia questioned, as Riley shut her office for the day and clutched her bag tightly around her shoulder.

"I figure that I might as well," Riley shrugged, pausing at the reception desk that revealed Jennifer had already left.

"You've seemed a little off since the night of the accident. Are your processing everything okay?" Lydia offered, hesitantly.

"Honestly, the accident feels like a lifetime ago," Riley admitted, rubbing her eyes and sinking down on the edge of Blake's desk. She still couldn't quite bring herself to think of it as Jennifer's.

"If you need someone to talk to," Lydia offered, leaving the invitation open.

"Thank you," Riley smiled, pulling her mentor into a hug, "But right now, I think I just need to get home."

"Drive safe," Lydia said, as Riley paused at the doors leading out.

"You too."

* * *

"I don't see any way out of this mess," Riley explained, "Jennifer refuses to tell anyone that she's pregnant, but Farkle knows that I'm going to New York to take care of a patient. How in the world am I supposed to justify bringing along my receptionist? And I can't tell Lucas about his mother because she came to me seeking professional advice, so now I'm the one keeping a huge, life-changing secret. Nothing gets easier, Blake, I came here with the love of my life about to marry my best friend and then by some miracle things work out and I end up with him, but now we're completely miserable together."

She paused to adjust the umbrella that she had positioned over her head, which was quite the task when her fingers had gone completely numb. The cemetery was covered in snow and she was the only one stupid enough to come stand out in the middle of it and talk to a headstone.

"You sent Jennifer here, so I'm if you're up there pulling strings, well, this is me asking you for a sign. Some sign that things are going to work out or a plan on how to fix this horrendously awful situation because I'm not sure that I can handle much more. So, I'll just stand here, while you figure things out."

It took the sun starting to fade from the sky and Riley's soaking wet clothes, to start to freeze before she finally gave up hope that anything was coming. Reluctantly, she made her way back to her car, knowing that she wasn't anywhere near ready to face anything else that day.

* * *

Lucas was spread out on the floor when she entered the house; Mathew laying on his stomach, and Summer tucked into his side. It was the kind of sight that would melt even the hardest of hearts and she had to blink away the tears that she felt gathering in her eyes. Whatever problems or arguments she had with Lucas, she wouldn't trade him as the father of her children.

He looked up, as she dropped her bag to the floor and kicked out of her shoes. There were a million things that she wanted to say and, yet, the words got caught in her throat, leaving the silence between them.

"I think they're starting to get hungry," Lucas offered, his eyes searching her face for something.

"Okay," Riley agreed, sinking down on the couch and holding her arms out for whichever child he decided to give her.

She stared intently at Mathew as she fed him, watching his tiny hand splayed out across the skin of her heart and she couldn't help thinking of her dream, of the memory. She knew Lucas's heartbeat better than she knew her own and she found herself missing him with every fiber of her being, even though he was feet away from her.

They wordlessly traded babies when Riley had finished and she tried not to let her mind wander as she leaned it against the back of the couch. She can't help the words that find their way into her mind.

 _"I'd thought that the two of you would grow out of it, but neither of you did. No matter how many times the two of you mess things up, you end up right back where you started. Some people might call that persistence, but I would call it the very definition of insanity."_

 _"Your relationship is toxic, it's destructive. You're looking for a fairytale and he's chasing after something to fill the void, but at the end of the day, both of you will be disappointed,"_

"I'm going to go put Summer in her bed," Riley offered, standing up from the couch and making her way up the stairs.

She can hear Lucas following seconds later and she hears the nursery door opening, as she settles Summer into the bassinet. Their bizarre ceasefire is enough to make her feel off and she knows that they can't go on like this. She almost finds the fighting preferable.

She hears as he pauses in the hallway, unsure of what to do next and she's not entirely sure what she wants him to do. She just has this nauseating feeling that if they don't do something, they'll never have a chance, and under all her anger, the idea of actually losing him is unthinkable. Because, at the end of the day, Lucas's mother is right, she'll keep fighting even when she's not sure if anyone has a chance at winning.

"Lucas," she breathes, pausing in the doorway to their bedroom.

"Do you want to talk?" he asked, the beginning of hope starting to appear in his eyes.

"No," Riley admitted.

"Okay," he sighed, turning back towards the stairs.

"Lucas," she repeated, taking a hesitant step towards him, as he froze again, "Can we just, for a minute, pretend that we've gotten passed all of this, that we made it? That we're happy and things are working?"

"I don't want to pretend anymore, Riles," his voice cracked, "It's too hard. I want the real thing."

* * *

"Am I making a horrible mistake by leaving?" she questioned, her hair whipping around in the wind, as she shoved her suitcase into the trunk. She was leaving early the next morning and Zay had offered to help her load her things on his way out. He'd been watching a football game with Lucas, though she knew that he probably hadn't had a lot of fun, with the constant tension that existed in their house.

"I don't know why you're asking me, like I, somehow, have all the answers," Zay snorted, scratching at the gauze that had been carefully taped to his head.

"Because you know him, you love him, too. And I feel so incredibly lost," Riley admitted.

"You're the only one who can know if this is a mistake or not," Zay informed her and she blinked away the tears that had been building in the back of her eyes.

"I have to do this," Riley sighed, closing the trunk.

"It's not me that needs convincing."

* * *

Riley, hesitantly, entered the kitchen, watching as Lucas washed a popcorn bowl in the sink. The last few days had been brutal and despite thinking that they hadn't been communicating before, she could now say that _this_ was not communicating. The long silences and the forced politeness was slowly killing them both.

"Are you going to say anything?" Riley asked, leaning against the counter.

"What can I say? You're going to New York to save a baby and I'm staying here to celebrate our children's first Thanksgiving," Lucas didn't turn away from the sink.

"You know that I want to be _here_ ," she insisted, "You know that if there was any other time, any other way to do this, I would."

"I don't know anything, Riley. We're not even trying to talk, anymore," Lucas pointed out, finally spinning around, "I can keep apologizing, but it doesn't seem to be making anything better. You can't even tell me if you want to try and fix things."

"Of course I want to try and fix things," Riley interrupted him, "I'm hurt and I'm angry, but me leaving doesn't have anything to do with that."

"It's just convenient timing," he snorted.

"It's bad timing and I've tried to think of any way out of this, but I can't. I promised my patient that I would be there with her, that I would help her through this and I have to follow through on that."

"Then go," Lucas offered, his voice defeated, "I won't try to stop you."

"You're asking me to pick this holiday, over my job," Riley struggled to keep control of her voice.

"It's nothing that you haven't asked of me," Lucas reminded her, "And I'm saving lives, too."

"It's Jennifer, Lucas," Riley bit out, "It's Maya's little sister. She's alone and she refuses to ask anyone else for help and her baby could die. It's not just any patient, it's Jennifer."

Riley's mouth snaps shut as she realizes what she's done and her entire body, slowly slid from the counter down to the floor. She could lose her license for this, she could lose everything.

"Riley?" Lucas questioned and she could hear his voice softening. He sunk down on the tiles next to her, leaving several inches of space between the two of them.

"I know this sounds completely crazy, but I saw Blake when I was dying. He told me that he was sending Jennifer and that she needed a family to take care of her. I have to do this, I owe him everything, and I have to do this," she rambled, unable to get her voice above a hoarse and defeated whisper.

"I'll be here when you get back," he reached out, placing one of his hands over hers.

"I'm leaving my heart here," she admitted, her head sinking down onto his shoulder.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Lucas asked, as Riley paced back and forth in front of the bed.

"My flight was cancelled and there's no way that we can drive and still be there on time. The surgeon is booked for months, this is our one chance," Riley sighed, sinking down on the edge of the bed.

"So, what do you do?" Lucas questioned, looking uncomfortable with how to respond to this situation.

"I'm going to call in a favor and Jennifer is going to be really upset with me," Riley sighed, standing up again.

"If you save her baby, I think she'll forgive you," he pointed out.

"One can hope," Riley groaned, she paused to kiss Summer's forehead and hesitated as she wondered how to say goodbye to Lucas. In a lot of ways, it felt like they were suddenly at the beginning again and questioning every single move they made around each other.

"I love you," he offered, sitting up in their bed, but not making any other advance in her direction.

"I love you, too," she promised, leaning over and burying herself in his shoulder. She felt his hands, tentatively, wrap around her waist and in that moment, none of the distance that had grown between them seemed to mean anything.

* * *

"What's going on?" Jennifer enquired, as Riley got out of the car, "I thought our flight was cancelled."

"We can't catch a flight in Wyoming, but I've pulled in a favor and there's an airport in Colorado that's going to let us fly," Riley explained, helping load Jennifer's suitcase into the back.

"That's good news," Jennifer offered.

"Yes," Riley agreed.

"So, why do you have that tone in your voice?"

"Because we're flying with Farkle on his family's private jet."

* * *

 **I am so sorry for the delay in updates. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I started my program and I had regular classes on top of that. These past couple of months have kind of felt like anything that could go wrong, did. In the end, something had to give, which ended up being my writing. I'm not entirely ready to commit to a regular update schedule yet, but I am writing again and I am going to finish** ** _Heat Stroke_** **and** ** _Laws of Timing._** **Thanks to everyone who's stuck with this story and pestered me to update, I'm glad that you're enjoying it and I can't even began to tell you how much it's helped motivate me to keep writing.**

 **The next chapter is about halfway written out and will include Riley confronting Maya and the appearance of a character from GMW that I haven't included in either story. I'm also hoping to include some Auggie and more of what's been going on with Hailey. I'm also in the process of revising my plotline, so if there's anything that you'd like to see, I can't guarantee I'll include it, but I'm open to suggestions. Thanks to everyone who read this chapter and I would love it if you left me a review!**


	12. Rolling in the Deep

**So, italics are back to being Flashbacks. I think we're pretty much done with excerpts from Josh's book, although they're going to keep talking about it.**

Riley had personal knowledge on the destruction that secrets could have, but that doesn't keep her from hoping that somehow things won't be awkward between Farkle and Jennifer. As with most of her hope, as of late, it doesn't pay off.

"What are we going to say?" Jennifer asked, her hair curtaining her face, so that Riley couldn't make out any expression out of the corner of her eye.

What Riley really wants to point out, is that this mess is all hers. Riley's been bound by law and doctor confidentiality from telling anyone what was going on, but Jennifer didn't have the same excuse. Jennifer had been operating entirely on fear and decisions based off fear tended to have disastrous consequences.

"I'm not going to say anything," Riley replied, simply, her hands tightening on the wheel.

"He's never going to look at me the same way again, when he finds out. For a little while, I wasn't someone who messed up and got herself pregnant; at least not with him or the others. But that's all going to change now, isn't it?" Jennifer sighed.

"Sooner or later, we all have to face judgement day," Riley offered, trying to keep her voice gentle, although she knew that her words were anything, but.

 _"This is not good," Riley said, staring out the window._

 _"What's not good?" Maya questioned, the words barely intelligible over the toothbrush she has stuffed into her mouth. It's one of the rare days where she happens to be home at the same time as Maya and she's almost surprised when she hears a reply to her statement._

 _"It's raining," Riley gestured to the window and Maya crossed the room to look down at the street below them._

 _"I thought you liked the rain," Maya offered, though Riley can tell that she'd bit off a comment about, "Summer rain," at the very last second._

 _"It's also a full moon," Riley added, "It's the perfect storm and I'm on-call, there's no way I don't get called in."_

 _"You're telling me that rain storms and full moons cause labor?" Maya snorted, nearly spraying toothpaste all over the hardwood Riley had mopped earlier that morning._

 _"It has to do with the barometric pressure," Riley explained, wrapping an arm around Maya, as she gently guided her best friend back to the bathroom. Maya was still just as disorganized as she had been when they had lived with each other in college and it was driving Riley's OCD tendencies crazy._

 _It didn't help that Maya seemed to have found herself without direction and her new outlets appeared to be making a mess of anything that Riley happened to clean and leaving expired food in the fridge. Riley had discarded several months' worth of takeout the night before that wasn't her own and she was still a little bitter._

 _"It sounds like witchcraft to me," Maya offered, spitting in the sink and turning on the faucet._

 _"Well, either way, I'm not getting my night off," Riley complained, leaning against the doorway._

 _"At least your job doesn't involve working for tips," Maya pointed out, gesturing to her waitress uniform, as she replaced her toothbrush in the cabinet._

 _"No, it involves getting splattered in bodily fluid," Riley returned._

 _"You win," Maya shrugged, brushing passed Riley on her way to her bedroom._

 _"Are you doing okay?" Riley questioned, noting the lack of art supplies in her best friend's space. It had been awhile since Maya's relapse, but it seemed to be taking Maya a long time to shake this one off and Riley's not sure that she's ever seen her best friend so lost._

 _"I'm fine," Maya offered, her voice going on the defensive._

 _"You just don't seem to have a plan and I know you don't want to work as a waitress forever," Riley pointed out, stepping over several piles of clothes to sink down on the edge of Maya's bed._

 _"I don't need a plan, Riles. I'm just making it up as I go along," Maya insisted, digging through a pile of clothes in what Riley assumed was pursuit of her rain jacket._

 _"You know that I'd listen, if you ever wanted to talk?" Riley asked and Maya finally paused and took the time to look at Riley. There's something haunted in her eyes and Riley recognizes it from every time that she looks at herself in the mirror._

 _"I think it's too late to talk," Maya admitted, "And my shift starts soon."_

 _"I guess I'll see you later, then," Riley offered, folding her arms around herself as a sudden chill runs down her spine._

 _Riley watched as Maya settled on a jacket, throwing her arms through the sleeves and grabbing a purse off the desk that she has shoved at an odd angle in the corner. Riley can't help wondering if Maya had just left everything exactly as the movers had placed it originally. It's been almost two years and Maya's room still looks semi-permanent, as though she might just decide to leave at a moment's notice, though Riley's not entirely sure where her best friend would go._

 _"Riles?" Maya paused at the doorway, looking back. There's a million emotions swirling through her eyes and Riley can't help wondering what's holding her back from talking._

 _"Yes?"_

 _"Nothing, I just, I love you. Whatever I've done or said, you're my best friend and I'm forever grateful for that. You know that, right?"_

 _"I love you, too, Maya," Riley sighed, biting her lip as Maya disappeared from her view. Several seconds later Riley heard the sound of the front door closing._

 _Her eyes scanned over the cluttered room again, as she stood to go find something to do. She wasn't good with free time; it gave her far too much time to think. However, her foot got caught up in a shirt and Riley found herself picking it up off the floor. She automatically found herself pulling it right side out and pausing to read the logo on the front. "Cornell," was emblazed in cursive and the shirt automatically fell from her hands, as blood seeped through the sutures that she'd used to close the wounds on her hemorrhaging heart._

 _She doesn't want to know how Lucas's shirt ended up on Maya's floor and without any conscious thought she finds herself locking her apartment door, already dressed in scrubs and clutching her hospital ID._

Silence was heavy. Riley had always felt a compulsion to fill every second of it with something, anything to distract from all the things that weren't being said. However, this time around, she has nothing.

"Are we going to talk about it?" Farkle questioned, Jennifer's head snapping up at the sound of his voice, even though she'd been pretending to sleep.

Riley had taken the seat next to Farkle, already knowing that Jennifer still wanted to keep what was going on as private as possible. Though, Riley could see him putting pieces of the puzzle together in his head from the moment they had pulled up at the airport and Farkle had seen them get out of the car.

"Can't," Riley replied, her eyes still trained on Josh's book. She'd found that her anger was mounting again, or maybe it had never left, just been covered by her desperate attempts to hang onto Lucas.

"You're using my family's plane," Farkle pointed out.

"You lied to me about Maya and Lucas," Riley returned, holding up the cover of the book in demonstration.

"So, we're even?" Farkle offered, leaning back in his seat.

"I guess so," Riley agreed, turning a page and giving herself a papercut.

 _"What do you mean you've never heard of him?" Charlie questioned, picking up a conversation from earlier as though they hadn't spent the last four hours at opposite ends of the hospital._

 _"I mean: I don't know who he is," Riley rephrased, pulling her blood splattered scrub top off and shoving it into the soiled clothing basket at the edge of the locker room._

 _"Come on, Riley, Doctor Christopher Rector," Charlie offered, as though that would somehow jog her memory, "He finished med school early. He's the top Pediatric surgeon on the East Coast, maybe the country and now he's operating on babies that are still in the womb."_

 _"You know this hospital is filled to the brim with genius, top-of-their-field doctors, right?" Riley reminded him._

 _"I just thought that you would be more excited; I mean, babies are kind of your thing," Charlie pointed out, sinking down onto the bench, as she pulled a clean scrub top over her tank top._

 _"No, pregnant women are my thing, babies are a byproduct," Riley replied, slamming her locker door closed, as she secured the lock._

 _"Do you want to talk about it?" Charlie questioned, his voice going serious._

 _"Talk about what?" Riley folded her arms across her chest, placing a needed barrier between the two of them._

 _"I've heard the rumors running around the hospital, about how you miscarried a baby your first year of med school."_

 _"And how I passed my classes off pity from the teachers," Riley finished, sinking down against her locker and pulling her knees up to her chest._

 _"I wasn't going to add that part," Charlie assured her._

 _"You know, my miscarriage is constantly talked about behind my back here, but nobody outside of this hospital even knew that I was pregnant?"_

 _"Including the father?" he pressed._

 _"I thought I had time, but there's never enough of it, is there?" Riley sighed._

 _"I don't know how you do it," Charlie admitted, "Casey miscarried a baby at the start of my residency and I couldn't even go on Peds rotations. It was all just too much."_

 _"I think there must be something horribly wrong with me," Riley admitted, "Because most of the time I can't even talk about what happened, about losing that baby, but I come in here every day and I help other people get their little miracles'. I do it so often, that when I'm here, sometimes, I even forget. Life is easy here, but outside it's messy and sometimes I feel so broken inside that I'm not sure how I'm even breathing. And every time I start to think that maybe I'm getting better, there's something to remind me of everything that I've lost; everything that I'm too messed up to let myself have."_

 _Charlie's hand slowly reached forward, as though he was expecting her to pull away, before it rested on her shoulder._

 _"Anyway, what were you saying about that doctor?" Riley questioned, forcing a smile back onto her face, as she tried to get away from the sensitive topic._

 _"I can't remember," Charlie admitted, helping her get up off the floor._

 _"How did you get past it?" Riley questioned. One of the things that she happened to love about him was the way he managed to keep up with her mood swings, she figured it probably had something to do with all of his sisters._

 _"We mourned the loss and then we kept living," he stared intently at the ground, "I think that we both still think about what might have been, but we don't let ourselves dwell on it. And we've started trying again. I think that having something to hope for, has kept us from getting lost in the despair."_

 _"I found Lucas's shirt on Maya's floor," Riley confessed, suddenly the one who wasn't able to make eye contact._

 _"He was the father of your baby?" Charlie clarified._

 _It was the first time that Riley had ever spoken the words out loud, but they came easily, as though they'd been sitting there waiting, "Yeah, he was."_

"Does your family know that you're coming?" Farkle questioned, sometime later, his voice low. Jennifer's breathing was heavy enough in sleep that they could both hear it echoing across the cabin of the plane and it seemed to relieve some of the tension on Farkle's end, at least.

"No, I'm not sure if I'm even going to go see them," Riley admitted, closing the book, "I feel so stupid for not picking up on what was going on around me. Everyone seemed to know something, except for me."

"You're not stupid, Riles," Farkle assured her, reaching over and grabbing one of her hands.

"Really? Then, how didn't I see what was going on with Maya and my parents? They _knew_ that something was going on between Maya and Lucas, they were there the night that Maya was arrested, and the thing is that I knew that Maya and my parents were fighting. I _knew_ it, Farkle, and whenever I asked, they pretended that it was all in my head."

"They just didn't want you to get hurt. None of us wanted you to hurt," Farkle said, quietly.

"Sometimes that feels like it's all I ever do," Riley admitted, "And Maya keeps trying to call me. I figure someone must have given her a heads-up that I know."

"I don't think that's it," Farkle confessed and Riley's eyes narrowed as she took in the look on his face.

"What's going on?" she demanded, pulling her hand away from him.

"Josh asked her to marry him. The two of them are engaged," Farkle replied and Riley's breath got caught in her throat.

"It figures that after all of this, she would somehow be the one who ended up with the, 'happily ever after,'" Riley snorted, surprised by the fury that ballooned in her chest.

"Riles," Farkle sighed, "For her, all of this is in the past. She's let go of everything."

"Well, this is all new for me. Maybe we could have dealt with it, if she'd bothered to talk to me, like the best friend she's been pretending to be," Riley snapped.

 _It's been one of those nights where the sweat runs straight from her neck down her back. It doesn't matter that it's probably cold outside, in the heavy sheets of rain, because the hospital is so busy that she hasn't stopped running since she got in._

 _Her conversation with Charlie had been unexpected and the only break that she'd had during the night. She'd spent most of the night running, but she can tell that the emotion is just waiting for her to let her guard down and be consumed by it._

 _"Alright, Mathews, you're off the clock," Lydia announced, wrapping her arm around Riley, as they moved down the hallway after Riley had left the exam room._

 _"I just delivered a baby in the ER twenty minutes ago, because we've run out of beds up here. You need me," Riley pointed out._

 _"I need someone who isn't dead on their feet. You need to go home and sleep," Lydia insisted._

 _"I'll sleep when I'm actually dead," Riley joked, pausing as they reached the end of the hallway._

 _"It's bad luck to make death jokes in a hospital. Now, you really do have to go," Lydia said, gesturing in the direction of the locker rooms._

 _"I'll see you tomorrow night," Riley sighed, knowing that she'd lost the battle._

 _"Well rested," Lydia returned and Riley rolled her eyes theatrically before continuing on her way._

 _She pulled the hood of her jacket over her head, as she made her way out into the early morning, already plotting whether she wants to stop for breakfast, or just head straight home. However, she finds herself pausing, as she sees someone sitting on the steps in front of her. There's something familiar in the slump of his shoulders and she can easily pick out the frustration in his hands, as holds up his head in both of them._

 _"You look freezing," she offers, giving in to her compulsive need to help him. If she's being honest, she's looking for any kind of a distraction she can find, too._

 _"It's been a rough night, I just needed a reminder that I'm still alive," he offered, trying for nonchalant and failing._

 _"We should probably bandage your hand," Riley commented, looking at the bruises and cuts that were indicative that he had punched something. He had broad shoulders and Riley had no doubts that he could probably do some damage, but, for some reason, she found herself feeling completely at ease in his presence._

 _"You don't recognize me, do you?" he asked, running his hands through his soaking hair, and standing up. She found that she had to tilt her head back to meet his eye level._

 _"I'm sorry," Riley offered, unable to place him._

 _"Would it help, if I told you, you need to go stand in the hole?" he asked and Riley took a step back in shock._

 _"You're Thor," she sputtered, finding that the revelation suddenly brought out what remained of the senior in the man standing in front of her. Even soaked in rain, he was still as attractive as he'd been in high school. His hair was shorter, but he was still just as muscled and he had the same blue eyes._

 _"That name stuck, you know? I still get called Thor, constantly," he laughed, wiping the water from his face._

 _"I'm sorry," she offered, timidly, wondering how she had somehow completely lost control of the conversation._

 _"You should be; do you know how much pressure it is to be constantly compared to a God?" there was some truth in his voice, but she could also pick out that he was joking._

 _"I'll make it up to you, by wrapping your hand," she suggested, her hand reaching out to examine the bruised and lacerated skin._

 _He let her examine it for a minute before speaking again, "How about I let you buy me breakfast, instead? I'm not really all that worried about it, it's not even my dominant hand and I would love to hear what's happened to you and the rest of your friends."_

 _"Are you going to tell me what happened to you?" Riley questioned, wavering with the decision._

 _"I punched a wall," he replied easily, completely without apology or explanation._

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because sometimes the pressure is suffocating," he replied, starting to walk. It didn't even take any real conscious thought for her to fall into step beside him._

 _"Did you escape from the psych ward?" she felt the need to ask, surveying him for any other signs that he might have completely lost his mind._

 _"You know the psych ward goes completely crazy on nights like tonight. There's something about the barometric pressure with the full moon," he offered._

 _"And there's more violent crimes," Riley added, knowing that she should probably be wearier of this ghost from her past then what she was._

 _"I didn't escape from the psych ward," he promised._

 _"Would you tell me if you had?" she pointed out._

 _"Probably not," he shrugged, his eyes glinting with humor, "But, then again, I've always loved messing with you."_

Riley's not entirely sure how the three manage to fit themselves, their luggage, and the heap of emotional baggage that they've brought along with them into the back of the cab, but somehow, they do. Riley ends up stuck in the middle, as Jennifer and Farkle both stare intently out of opposite windows.

"When are you meeting with Smackle?" Riley questioned, needing any kind of distraction from their current situation and the anger that had been steadily mounting, since the plane ride.

"Tomorrow, for lunch," Farkle replied, his voice distant.

Riley couldn't think of anything else to ask, so they lapsed back into silence. The city moved passed them from outside of the window and Riley wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling incredibly small.

She'd been planning on checking into a hotel, but she's not entirely surprised when they pulled up to the Minkus' home.

"They're spending the holidays on the west coast," Farkle answered Riley's unasked question, and she nodded once before sliding out of the back of the car.

Farkle paid their fare and they dragged their luggage into the building.

"Riley can have the guest room and you can have my old room," Farkle suggested, after he'd let them into the home that hadn't changed much from their childhood.

Jennifer nodded once and Riley watched as none of them made any move to leave the front entryway. Riley figured that Farkle was probably waiting for a chance to talk to Jennifer and with a sigh she turned back towards the doorway.

"There's someone that I need to go see," Riley offered, setting her suitcase to the side.

"Are you sure?" Farkle asked, his head shooting up to look at her.

"I'd like to get this over with," Riley replied.

"Are you sure that you aren't going to say something that you'll regret?" Farkle pressed, as Jennifer glanced between the two of them in confusion, "You and Maya have been friends for a long time."

"No, Farkle, we haven't," Riley replied, slipping out the door and letting it slam behind her.

 _Riley shifted uncomfortably, sliding her raincoat from her shoulders, as she settled into the booth. Every time that she looks up, Thor's watching her intently and she's not entirely sure how to feel or even react to the attention._

 _"So, what did you end up going into?" Riley questioned, trying to push through the awkwardness that had fallen between them._

 _"What do you think?" he returned, looking amused._

 _She bit on her lip for a minute, as she took in the blue t-shirt that clung to his skin from the water and the worn jeans that were in an equally soaking state. His friends and he had been the only seniors to pay them any attention in high school. They had never really hung out, but they would occasionally make small talk in the hallways. Granted, Maya had usually been the one to do the talking._

 _Sitting across from him makes her feel fourteen again and she wonders if he's remembering the awkward and clumsy girl, who still hadn't grown into her limbs._

 _"Honestly, I have no idea," Riley replied, "I know that you got a football scholarship to Yale, but that's about as far as I can remember."_

 _"I turned down the scholarship," he admitted._

 _"You turned down a scholarship to Yale?" Riley repeated, incredulously._

 _"I didn't want to commit myself to football," he replied, "I enjoyed it, but I was ready to move on."_

 _"Now, I know that you escaped from the psych ward," Riley smiled, leaning back in her seat._

 _"Let's play a game," he suggested, "You tell me what you think I've been doing and I'll tell you what I think you've been doing."_

 _"Okay," Riley agreed, "But you have to go first."_

 _He warmed his hands on the Styrofoam of his drink, as he surveyed her from across the table. She's not sure what he has left to see after he'd spent the last half-hour studying her, but his eyes scan over her anyway and she tries to suppress a shudder that has nothing to do with the weather._

 _"You're a nurse," he guessed, "You're not arrogant enough and you have way too big of a heart to be a doctor. You obviously don't work the psych ward because you had to guess that I came from there and you don't work Peds, although that would have been my first guess."_

 _"How do you know that I don't work Peds?" Riley cut him off._

 _"Because the Peds nurses wear patterned scrubs and yours are solid," he replied, without missing a beat, "I'm guessing you work the ICU. How close am I?"_

 _She shrugged, non-committedly and he smiled for the first time that night. She'd forgotten what it felt like to be on the receiving end of one of his smiles. He had this way of making her feel like she was the center of his attention and there was nowhere that he would rather be and it hadn't changed in the wide stretch of years between now and the last time that she had seen him._

 _"I'm wearing scrubs, it totally narrowed down everything," Riley pointed out, "How am I supposed to know with you."_

 _"I'll give you a hint," he offered and she leaned forward as she waited, "I work with my hands."_

 _"Mechanic?" she guessed and he let out a laugh._

 _"Close enough," he agreed._

 _They lapsed into a comfortable silence and Riley started picking apart her pastry. She could see the sun starting to light up the city outside of the window and the rain had finally stopped, leaving everything covered in a sheen of droplets._

 _"What ended up happening with your love triangle?" she asked, popping a piece of the pastry into her mouth._

 _"We all went off in different directions after graduation and grew apart. Nikki has her own clothing brand and Francesca's married with three kids," he replied, "I guess things didn't work out with Lucas?"_

 _"He's bounced back and forth between the two of us for the last twelve years," Riley shrugged, "But I think things with us are done."_

 _"I'm sorry," Thor offered and she was surprised by the sincerity in his face._

 _"Yeah, well, I guess it just wasn't meant to be," Riley shrugged, staring intently back at the table, "Anyway, I should get going. I need to get some sleep before my shift tonight."_

 _"It was good to see you," he offered, as she got up from the table and pulled on her jacket._

 _"Yeah," she agreed, surprised by the sudden reluctance she found at the idea of walking away from him, "You should probably bandage up that hand and clean it with disinfectant."_

 _"Thanks," he smiled, "Do you want me to walk you out?"_

 _She had a feeling that there was more to the question then just a simple offer to walk her to the door, but she can't bring herself to refuse._

 _"Sure," she agrees, watching as he stood up and followed her out into the early morning._

 _"Since, we're both headed that way, we might as well walk together," he suggested, as soon as they had made it through the door._

 _She knows exactly what he's doing and she knows that she should probably put an end to it there, but all she manages is a, "Might as well."_

 _"How are you not freezing?" Riley questioned, after they had made it several blocks in silence._

 _"I am, I just figure that I would lose some of my mystery and rugged charm, if I were to admit that basic laws of survival apply to me," he informed her and she bit back a laugh._

 _"My uncle's apartment is just around the corner. I, kind of, doubt that his clothes would fit you, but I could throw yours in the dryer and you could let me look at that hand. It's always nice to put my years of medical training to good use," she offered._

 _"Your uncle wouldn't mind?"_

 _"He's out of town, visiting his wife's family," she replied, "They don't get back until tonight. And I think he supports me in my quest to eradicate hypothermia from the city."_

 _"A commendable goal," he agreed, gesturing for her to lead the way._

 _She slipped her key into the lock and easily let them into the apartment. Josh's wife was almost as obsessive about order as Riley was and the home was a clear reflection of her taste. The walls were all a sterile white and everything was well ordered and organized; from the pile of home décor magazines on the coffee table to the perfectly level pictures on the wall._

 _"The bathroom is through there," Riley gestured, slipping her shoes off her feet in the main entrance._

 _He followed her lead, leaving his shoes behind, as he disappeared through the door she had indicated. She made her way into Josh's bedroom and dug through his drawers, until she happened upon a pair of sweats that she thought could probably stretch enough to fit her companion._

 _She retraced her steps back to the bathroom door and knocked, "I found some sweats that I think should fit you."_

 _The door opened a crack and Riley automatically took a step back, as he held out a bundle of wet clothes. Her mouth went completely dry and she was pretty sure that the beginnings of a blush was starting on her neck and working its way across her face, but she forced herself to take them and hand over the sweats._

 _"There are fresh towels under the sink," she offered, deliberately turning her back on him._

 _Her heart raced in her chest, as she shoved the clothes into the dryer and started the load, and the reality of her current situation descended on her. She had brought someone, a male someone, back to her uncle's apartment and he was currently naked in her uncle's shower._

 _She pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket, pulling up Maya's number without even having to think about it, before she paused. Maya didn't have any idea about her complicated situation with Lucas, there was no possible way that her best friend could offer sound advice and more likely than not, Maya would tell her to go with her hormones; the instinct that Maya seemed to be relying on lately._

 _She dialed Charlie's number instead and waited until his exhausted voice picked up, "Is someone dying?"_

 _"I think I've done something really, really bad," Riley explained, backing against the wall and sinking to the floor._

 _"If you committed a crime, you probably shouldn't confess it to me over the phone," Charlie pointed out, "Although, if you did decide to key Lucas's car or you killed Maya, I think both of them had it coming."_

 _"There's a naked man in my uncle's shower," Riley hissed, trying to get him to understand the gravity of her situation._

 _"I think I'm going to need some context," Charlie decided and Riley's head fell into her hands._

 _"He was sitting on the steps and he was hurt and then there was breakfast and it seemed like a good idea at the time, but now he's in the shower," Riley rambled, "And I think he might have escaped from the psych ward."_

 _"I don't think he's the only one," Charlie offered, sounding annoyed, "So, you slept with someone after you found out that Lucas and Maya were sleeping together. It might not be your best coping mechanism, but it's kind of on par for what you usually do."_

 _"What I usually do?" Riley snapped, cutting him off._

 _"Does Senior Prom ring any bells?" he pointed out._

 _"I didn't sleep with him, I just," she trailed off._

 _"You're thinking about it," Charlie finished, "Look, Riley, I know you and you're not Maya. If you make an impulsive decision to try and get away from the pain, you're just going to end up regretting it. You deserve to move on, but this wouldn't really be moving on, would it?"_

 _"No," she agreed._

 _"Right, well, I'm going to go back to sleep," he decided._

 _"Thanks for picking up," Riley said, "I don't know what I would do without you."_

 _"Yeah, well, the feelings mutual. I'll see you at work."_

 _"Yeah," Riley agreed, ending the call._

 _She grabbed the first aid kit out of the hall closet and set it outside of the bathroom door, along with a note that explained that his clothes were in the dryer and that he should lock up the house and leave her key under the mat. Josh would probably kill her for leaving a stranger in his apartment, but she was prepared to deal with the consequences._

 _By the time he got out of the shower, she was long gone._

She knows the halls of her old high school well enough that she's sure that she could walk them blindfolded, which is probably why she finds herself unable to remember exactly how she made her way to where Maya is painting, earbuds in her ears and the rest of the world completely blocked out.

"Maya," Riley's voice is a snap and it echoes through the hallways, loud enough that Maya abruptly yanks the earbuds out of her ears and turns to face her.

She's had the entire car ride to the school to think through exactly what she wants to say and the fury is back full force.

"Riles," Maya's face is hesitant, though she's trying to appear upbeat, and Riley instantly can tell that someone's warned her that this was coming, "I've been trying to call you."

"I figured this conversation was better in person," Riley cut her off, unable to meet Maya's gaze.

"I know that, 'I'm sorry,' doesn't even began to cover it, but I am, Riles. You don't know how sorry I am," Maya repeated, her voice pleading with Riley to believe her.

"My entire life, I've shared everything with you. I shared my parents, my brother, The Bay Window, my thoughts, my feelings, my uncle, my apartment. Lucas was the one thing that was supposed to be mine, the one person that I wasn't supposed to have to share with you," Riley finally looked up, trying not to let the broken look in Maya's eyes deter her from saying what she needed to say, "Maya, I forgave you for getting engaged to the love of my life, _I_ was the one who _apologized_ after the trial, but what I did to you, doesn't even come close to what you've done to me."

"I know that I was selfish, but I couldn't lose you. You're my best friend and I knew that if I told you everything, told you the truth, you would never be able to forgive me," Maya attempted to explain, though her efforts appeared to be more mechanical than a sincere effort to try and reason with Riley.

"You don't get to say what I would and would not forgive. Best friends don't keep entire books of secrets from each other," Riley tossed the paperback that she had brought with her at Maya's feet, "I miscarried a baby and didn't tell you, it was one big event in my life, but Maya you had a relationship with your sister and never bothered to tell me, you failed a college class, you had whatever it was that you had with my uncle and it stretched on-and-off for years, and that's barely scratching the surface."

"We grew apart, Riles," Maya sighed and there was something so tired about her that Riley found the anger leaving her, leaving a tense, quiet between them.

"You're right and I'm done pretending," Riley said.

"I don't understand," Maya's head snapped up.

"You've won, Maya, you're marrying my uncle and you're a permanent part of my family, but that's your only connection to me, now. I've given you everything that I have to give and there's nothing left," Riley stretched her arms out, as the tears made their way down her face.

"I know that you're mad, but we've put every other disagreement we've had behind us. We're, 'Riley and Maya,' and that means that eventually we'll get passed this," Maya insisted, although Riley got the impression that Maya was trying to convince herself more than anyone else.

"Not this time," Riley sighed, slipping the ring off her finger, "I love you, Maya, but I'm using everything that I have left to try and fix things with the father of my children, to try and fix _my_ family. You have yours, you got your happy ending and I sure hope that it was worth all of the people that you hurt to get it."

Riley let the ring fall between them, landing somewhere in the middle and she found herself thinking that it was slightly less climatic then what she had thought it would be. In the end, it was just a ring after all.

She turned to leave, finding that in the absence of anger she mostly just felt empty. She felt as though someone had scooped everything out from inside of her and left her hollow.

"Riley?" Maya called out and Riley hesitated, but refused to turn around, "For what it's worth, he always loved you. He hated himself for the mistakes that he made, he hated himself for every choice he made that came between the two of you. It's written out constantly in this book and it's written out all over his face."

"You designed his tattoo, didn't you?" Riley questioned.

"Yes," Maya replied, confusion evident over where Riley was going.

"His feelings for me may be written out in pen and ink, it might be written on his face, but his relationship with you is permanently burned into his skin."

 _"Maya, can we talk?" Riley questioned, not bothering with a greeting as she entered the apartment._

 _Maya's head popped up from the couch and Riley felt her mouth drop open as she looked at the discarded jacket on the floor and the wild hair that fell around Maya's face._

 _"What are you doing?"_

 _"I didn't expect you to be home, I thought you were working," Maya said, as Riley stood frozen in horror of what she had just walked in on._

 _"Well, I'm not," Riley finally managed to choke out. Who hooked up with someone at ten in the morning?_

 _"Right, well, Evan, was just leaving," Maya offered, scurrying off the couch and straightening her shirt._

 _"It's Kevin," a deep voice replied and Riley felt her mouth drop open, as the man got up from the couch and grabbed his jacket on his way out the door._

 _Riley waited for the door to slam closed before she exploded, "I've watched you self-destruct, Maya, and I've just stood by and let it happen. I haven't said anything about the way that you completely tear up my house, or the way you leave your expired food in my fridge to clean up. I haven't pushed you about finding a job that you actually like or going back to school because you asked me to give you time, but this is the last straw, Maya. Who in their right mind cheats on Lucas Friar?"_

 _"What?" Maya looked at her blankly._

 _"I saw his shirt in your room and I know that you invite him over when I'm not here," Riley informed her, folding her arms across her chest, "Although, apparently, you invite lots of people over when I'm not here."_

 _"Look, Riles, it's not like that. Yes, I have several of Lucas's shirt, but I'm not sleeping with him. I, also, have several of Zay's and probably even a few of Farkle's, it doesn't mean that I'm sleeping with any of them, it means I steal people's clothes. As my roommate, I feel like you should probably understand that better than most people," Maya defended herself, "But if you're so unhappy with me living here, then I'll get out."_

 _"Maya," Riley sighed, following her down the hallway and into her bedroom, "You know that I don't mind you living here."_

 _"Then what was that blowup all about?" Maya flipped around._

 _"You're not living. You're standing still and falling into the same patterns, when you could be out doing so much more with yourself. Maya Hart is not destined to work as a waitress," Riley insisted, pleading with her to understand._

 _"I'm a mess, Riles, and I'm not even sure if I know who Maya Hart is anymore," she admitted._

 _"Well, you can't just sit around hoping that you'll stumble onto her; you have to go out and find her," Riley sighed._

 _"I'm sorry, for more then you'll ever know," Maya said, pulling Riley into a hug._

 _"It's going to be okay, we've got each other," Riley reminded her._

 _"Always."_

Riley sank into the chair in the exam room, as Jennifer shifted uncomfortably on top of the exam table. The paper that covered the surface was wrinkling and was the only sound that distracted Riley from the clock that was ticking away on the wall.

"Did you get a chance to talk to Farkle?" Riley questioned, needing something to distract herself.

"Yeah, I did," Jennifer replied, her voice not giving away whether the talk had been productive or not, "Did you get a chance to talk to your friend?"

"Yeah," Riley answered, not willing to give any details either.

"I really hate the waiting," Jennifer confessed, running a hand through her hair.

"It's funny how you never have enough time when you want it, but you always end up with too much when you don't," Riley sighed, glancing up at the clock again.

The door started to open and Riley was relieved that there was something to break up the tension that was circulating the room.

"Hey, Doctor Mathews, I heard that you were going to be here," Paige, one of the nurses that Riley had been friends with when she had worked there, greeted her.

"I didn't know you were working with Doctor Rector," Riley greeted her, as Paige pulled up Jennifer's chart on the computer.

"He made me a good offer and I get more OR time with him," Paige revealed, before turning her attention over to Jennifer, "I'm just going to take your vitals."

"Okay," Jennifer agreed, her voice only shaking slightly.

"I know you're probably terrified, but Doctor Rector is the best. He's so good at what he does that they've even given him the nickname, Thor."

For a second, Riley would swear that time had frozen entirely.

 **I apologize for how long it took me to post this chapter (Though, hopefully the length helps to make up for that.) These last couple of weeks have been crazy with tests and family stuff. I've got one more final to take and then I intend to spend most of my winter break writing. Thanks to everyone who took the time to review last chapter! The support that I've gotten has been a huge help in keeping me motivated to stay writing. Speaking of which, I would love it if you would leave me a review on this chapter with your thoughts!**


	13. War of Hearts

Riley knew that the windows were sealed and even if they weren't, they were high enough up that the drop would surely kill her. That left two options available to her: she could make a mad run out the main door and hope that she didn't run into the surgeon she had abandoned in her uncle's apartment, or she could hide behind the exam table and further embarrass herself.

"Thor?" Jennifer asked, blankly, unaware of the panic that was quickly taking over Riley.

"You know, Thor has a hammer, Doctor Rector has a scalpel. He's incredible," Paige explained, moving over to record Jennifer's vital signs on the computer.

"It probably doesn't hurt that he looks like one of the Hemsworth brothers, either," Riley offered, drily and Paige glanced up at that.

"That's true," Paige smiled, her attention split between the computer and Riley.

A knock sounded on the door, before the person Riley had just been planning an escape from entered the room.

"Doctor Mathews," he smirked at her in a way that suggested he hadn't forgotten everything that had happened between them and Riley had to resist the urge to drop her gaze to the floor.

"Doctor Rector," she returned, folding her arms in defiance.

"And you must be Jennifer Barlow, it's a pleasure to meet you?" he turned his attention away from her and Riley resisted the urge to sigh in relief, "How are you feeling?"

"Anxious," Jennifer replied, her eyes glancing to Riley, as she looked for reassurance.

"That's understandable. Paige is going to take you downstairs to run a couple of tests and once we figure out what we're dealing with, I can tell you how we're going to fix this," Thor assured her.

"Okay," Jennifer agreed.

"While they're taking care of that, can I speak to you for a moment, Doctor Mathews?" Thor turned back to her and Riley wished that she'd utilized the time his attention had been distracted to run passed him and out the door.

"I told Jennifer that I would stay with her," Riley offered.

"I'll be with her through every step of the way," Paige promised, giving a reassuring smile to Jennifer.

"I can handle tests," Jennifer agreed, though there was still hesitation in her voice.

"I'll be waiting for you when you get back," Riley assured her, knowing that it would be best to get all of this out into the open now.

Paige helped Jennifer leave the room and Riley followed them to the door, holding it open as she watched the two disappear down the hall.

"You amaze me, you know?" he offered and she spun around to face him, "I run into you two years ago, _you_ invite me back to your uncle's house, disappear before I've gotten out of the shower, and then apply for a fellowship with me two years later. Then, even though I wanted someone with a background in pediatrics, you send me a novel of letters of recommendation and I figure that I have to give you a shot and, after all of that, you have the nerve to turn me down and ask for a favor a year later."

"I thought you were a mechanic," she challenged, her hands going to her hips.

"I thought you were a nurse," he returned.

"Look, I didn't know it was you. I never would have," she trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

"Why did you turn down the fellowship?" he questioned, his eyes staring intently at her.

"Maya was marrying Lucas and I had to get out of the city. Being here was killing me," she sighed, knowing that the excuse seemed flimsy. She was tired of the melodrama, she wanted normal and boring. She wanted a holiday surrounded by family that wasn't filled with the underlying tension of the million secrets sitting between them. But it was, obviously, too much to ask.

The silence hung, heavy, between them for several heartbeats, as Thor searched her face.

"Was it worth it?" he questioned and Riley let out a humorless laugh.

"I've made a difference with rural medicine," she offered, "I found a home."

"Do you know why I gave you the fellowship?"

"Because of my letters of recommendation?" she guessed, going back to his earlier rant.

"Lydia Breeland called me and told me that you had talent, that you could be great," he informed her and for a second she found herself wondering about what would have happened if she had stayed. Where would she be now?

"I could have been a lot of things," Riley sighed, turning her back on him, as she left the room.

"Look, Riley?" he called, following after her.

"What?" she questioned, wondering what he had managed to leave out in his rant on her character and life decisions.

"I know I was just kind of a jerk to you, but do you want to go get something to drink?" he asked and Riley almost laughed at the absurdity of his request.

"I don't drink," Riley responded automatically.

"I don't either at ten in the morning, I was thinking coffee or something," he suggested and there was something so earnest and tired in his expression that Riley just couldn't bring herself to say no.

"Alright," she agreed, falling into step by his side.

He takes his coffee black and it doesn't really surprise her. She gets herbal tea and automatically finds herself sliding into the old booth that had once been her regular hangout. Her ankles cross under the bench and she finally glances up and meets a set of blue eyes.

"She's more than just a patient for you," he comments, apparently, content to drop their shared history and go straight to business.

"She's Maya's half-sister and she's estranged from her family. She needs someone to be there for her," Riley offered, leaning her head in the palm of her hand.

"And Maya?"

"She met Jennifer once and I don't know if she connected the dots. We're not really speaking right now," Riley sighed.

"You lead an interesting life, Doctor Mathews," Thor snorted, taking a sip of his drink.

"Yeah, well, not nearly as interesting as you," she returned, raising an eyebrow, "Top of your field, performing theoretical surgeries. I've got nothing on that."

"Trust me, Mathews," he paused, finishing off the last of his drink and crushing the cup in his hands, "You don't want it."

She thought back to that night years ago, when she had found him on the hospital steps.

 _"That name stuck, you know? I still get called Thor, constantly," he laughed, wiping the water from his face._

 _"I'm sorry," she offered, timidly, wondering how she had somehow completely lost control of the conversation._

 _"You should be; do you know how much pressure it is to be constantly compared to a God?" there was some truth in his voice, but she could also pick out that he was joking._

 _"I'll make it up to you, by wrapping your hand," she suggested, her hand reaching out to examine the bruised and lacerated skin._

 _"Are you going to tell me what happened to you?" Riley questioned, wavering with the decision._

 _"I punched a wall," he replied easily, completely without apology or explanation._

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because sometimes the pressure is suffocating."_

Maybe, he was right.

* * *

They were walking back to find Paige and Jennifer, when Riley's cell phone began to buzz. She snagged it out of her pocket and gestured for Doctor Rector to go ahead.

"Hey," Riley answered her cell phone, sinking into one of the vacant chairs that lined the hallway, "How was your lunch?"

"It was," Farkle paused for a second, "Nice. How's Jennifer?"

"They're running some tests now. I think they might admit her tonight and take her in for surgery tomorrow," Riley replied, biting her lip.

"Would it be weird if I came down there?" Farkle questioned.

"No, I think it would be nice," Riley replied, relieved at the idea of having a buffer.

"Okay, I'll see you soon," Farkle decided, the line disconnecting.

She rubbed her eyes for a minute, trying to figure out what to do next. Her fight with Maya had left her emotionally drained and the hospital walls were starting to feel suffocating. She needed a break from everything, but she'd promised to be there for Jennifer.

She squared her shoulders and continued down the hallway, hoping that Farkle would get there soon and be able to give her a break.

* * *

Farkle shows up with real food and she hugs him a little tighter then what the greeting probably called for, but he doesn't question it.

Jennifer had already been assigned her own room and was going through paperwork, while they waited for Doctor Rector to come back with test results and options.

"How are you doing?" Farkle asked, over Riley's shoulder, as Riley pulled away.

"Okay. How are you?" Jennifer's eyes widened and Riley felt like an intruder as she watched things play out. There was something awkward and careful between the two of them, as though anything could bring down the tentative peace.

"Okay," Farkle returned, his eyes trailing to the floor, "I brought dinner."

"Jennifer's not supposed to be eating or drinking anything," Riley informed him and Farkle looked up in alarm.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not a big deal," Jennifer assured him, "The two of you should eat. Doctor Mathews has been looking a little pale."

"How are _you_?" Farkle's question sounded a lot more serious then what Riley was willing to go into.

She forced a smile, "We're hanging in there."

Riley and Farkle ate in silence, as Jennifer clicked through television channels, settling on a drama that Riley did her best to follow.

A knock sounded at the door and Jennifer froze, the color slowly draining from her face.

"We have your test results," Doctor Rector let himself in, holding a tablet in his hands.

Farkle glanced between Riley and Jennifer, before scooting his chair a half an inch closer to the bed as Jennifer looked to one of them for reassurance.

She feels like she's back in her first year of med school. The hospital jargon goes straight over her head, as though she just can't get her mind to compute the words. She feels the beginning of a headache starting in her temples and she rubs them absently.

"What do you think?" Jennifer turns to Riley with wide eyes and for a second Riley thinks that she's actually going to throw up.

She's a deer in the headlights as she realizes that Jennifer is looking to her for an answer on what to do; on a treatment option that Riley hasn't been paying any attention to.

"Riley?" Thor's voice is gentle, as he goes over the syllables of her name, intuitively knowing that the doctor is out, "Can I talk to you in the hall for a minute?"

It's the first time he's used her first name in any of their interactions and it's enough to yank her out of her thoughts. She nods and stands up slowly, ignoring the wave of dizziness that nearly pulls her under. His hand rests on her back, her anchor to consciousness as he leads her out into the hallway.

She knows that she should probably care about where he's leading her, but at this point, she's struggling to get air into her lungs and to keep herself from completely shutting down. It's all just too much; too much, too quickly, and not nearly enough time to process it.

He guides her into an on-call room and turns the lock on the door, flipping on the light.

"Alright, talk," he demands, eyes blazing as he turns to face her.

"What?"

"This girl's Maya's sister, fine. I heard from your friend, Doctor Gardner, that you performed a C-section and hysterectomy on Maya herself and somehow managed to remain objective. You're not acting like a doctor in that room; you're acting like a friend, like someone who is personally involved and it's tearing you in two. "

"You talked to Charlie about me?" she asked, blankly, sinking down on the edge of one of the bunkbeds.

"I was curious after you turned down my internship; everyone around here knows that the two of you were close."

"Not as close as I'm sure they told you," Riley felt the need to defend herself, running her hands down her arms, as she wrapped them around herself.

Charlie and Casey were spending Thanksgiving in Nebraska with Casey's parents and she found that she missed him. It would have been easier talking to him, then to the legendary surgeon that was standing in front of her questioning her objectivity.

"I look at Jennifer and I see myself," Riley admitted, "She's pregnant and she feels like she has to keep it to herself and she just needs someone to lean on. I had Doctor Breeland and I thought that I could be that for her."

"You've let yourself get too emotionally involved," he sighed, running his hand through his hair before sitting down across from her, "If you want to be her doctor, you have to distance yourself. She needs to get her emotional support from someone else."

"She doesn't have anyone else. She has Farkle, but I don't know what's going on there," Riley admitted, her hair falling forward and curtaining over her face.

"You know what you need to do," he sighed, "Get out of here, pull yourself together, do the right thing, and come back when you're ready to be the brilliant doctor that I was promised."

The words are harsh, but it's enough of a wakeup call; enough of a challenge to her pride, that she nods once and stands up from the bed. She turns the lock on the door and looks back once, before pushing her way out into the hall.

For a second, she can see exactly how it would have been if she'd stayed. She loved Lydia, but Lydia had always been a gentle, nurturing teacher. Doctor Christopher Rector would have pushed her passed her breaking point; he would have broken her down before he shaped her and molded her into something more then what she had ever been on her own.

He would have made her stronger; better; great.

As the cold, night air pierces her skin, she's brought back to the present and the vision is gone. She's back to the girl, who's made all of her decisions for most of her life by her emotions. She's broken down in an entirely different way and the exhaustion weighs on her.

There's not time for her to fall apart, but there isn't much of a choice, anymore. She wanders out into the night, looking for something that she's not sure she'll find.

* * *

The first thing she notices, is that Auggie is kind of a mess. His hair hangs in curls long enough to brush his shoulders and he's wearing several days' stubble across his face. He looked tired and frustrated, but she's at home with emotional turmoil, so she just shrugs it off and brushes passed him into his dorm room.

"You're here to chew me out, aren't you?" Auggie questioned, collapsing against the edge of his bed.

"Is there something that I should be chewing you out for?" Riley returned, picking her way through the discarded clothes that lined the floor and brushing off the desk chair before sinking into it.

"I've got problems, Riles," he leaned back and for a second she found herself having to blink away the double vision as she remembered his complaints from an earlier time. The tone of voice is the same, but there's something in the set of his shoulders that reminds her his problems are those of an adult, now.

"So do I," she returns, spinning slowly back and forth in the chair, as she leans back and looks at the ceiling.

Auggie doesn't push her to talk, so she doesn't push back. Although, they're both children of Corey and Topanga Mathews, so it's killing both of them. They were fixers; genetically designed to throw everything they had into helping and caring for the people around them.

They last almost an hour and it has to be some kind of record.

"I kissed someone who wasn't Ava," Auggie finally offers and there are too many conflicting emotions in the statement for her to try and pick them apart.

"Dad kissed someone who wasn't Mom, it all, eventually, worked out," Riley reminded him, continuing the soothing spinning motion of the chair.

"I think this might be different, Riles," Auggie confessed.

"Why?" Riley frowned, unable to imagine a world that didn't come with a packaged Auggie and Ava.

"Because the kiss might be nothing, but, Riles, it feels like everything."

She's not entirely sure what to say to that.

The quiet stretches between them for a moment and she sees in Auggie's face that he's not really expecting an answer. He just needs someone to listen, who won't pass judgement. She can handle that.

"I'm having problems with Lucas and with Maya and with everyone really."

"What did they do?" the protective tone in his voice is comforting and a smile pulls at the corner of her mouth. She hadn't realized just how much she'd missed her brother until that very moment.

"I found out some things about the time that Maya and Lucas were together; things that everyone seems to know about, but me. And I don't know how to get passed it, how to let go," she confessed, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"None of us understood why you went back to him, after everything. You deserve better," Auggie informed her.

"There's a chance that I'll get over everything that's happened," Riley spoke slowly, trying to process each word as it came out of her mouth, "But Lucas is the one thing that I will never get over. I will love him until the day I die."

"I asked Josh what about Maya drew him to her and he told me that she had one of the greatest capacities to love of anyone that he had ever met. I don't really understand it because Maya's always needed so much, and I do think that she tries to give back, but it's just harder for her. By the time, she came to us the damage was already done. She does love Josh and she loves their son and I think she's better than she's ever been. But she's the moon, Riley and you're the sun. Everything she has, everything she does, it's all a reflection of you. So, it doesn't surprise me that you love Lucas or that you'll keep loving him. But you've got so much love to give and I don't think that it has to end with Lucas Friar. I'll support you in whatever you choose, but don't stay with Lucas if it's not what you want. There has to be a point where things are so broken that you can't just put them back together. You deserve to be happy."

The words take a minute to process and she's not entirely sure what to think about them. Yes, Lucas had lied to her, but he'd never cheated on her. He was a good father to her children and she didn't doubt that he loved her, even if he had been a little absent lately. Were things too broken to fix?

"I love you," Riley sighed, reaching out with her foot to brush against his leg.

"Love you, too," Auggie replied, kicking back at her.

"Look, Aug. I don't know what to tell you about your girl problems, but you've got to get out of this room. You need a shower and a haircut and to shave and you definitely need to do a load of wash," Riley listed, happy to go back to something lighter.

"Alright, what are you going to do?" Auggie returned, sitting up so that he was facing her.

"I'm going to go do the right thing, even though it very well might be the wrong one," Riley admitted.

* * *

Josh is sitting on the front steps of their building, as though he knew she were coming. Talking with Auggie had helped remind her that she was stronger than she felt, but that strength was more difficult to find when she was facing down her uncle.

She'd idolized him once. She knew that it had driven him crazy having her follow him around everywhere, but she'd looked up to him. He was athletic, where she was clumsy and he seemed to know absolutely everything.

Then, Maya had started idolizing him, but in an entirely different way. It had felt weird looking up to him after that because if Maya was her sister and Josh was her uncle, how was she supposed to make their relationship make any kind of sense in her head. And she didn't want anyone mistaking her relationship with Josh as anything close to what Maya felt for him. So, she'd distanced herself from him because he'd never been around as much as Maya was and he didn't need her the way that Maya did, either.

They'd remained family, but the lines had become blurred on exactly what responsibilities they had to each other. They'd become close during the trial; united under the same goal. Though, a part of her wonders if he was just using her. But she's not sure where they stand now. She's his niece, but Maya's his everything.

"Trouble sleeping?" Riley questioned, pulling the jacket of Auggie's that she'd stolen, closer around her and stopping at the bottom of the step.

"Riley?" he looked surprised to see her and she noticed that his eyes were bloodshot with hollow, dark shadows under them. The way his skin stretched across his cheekbones told her that he had lost weight and it's a struggle to shake off the foreboding chill that something is horribly wrong.

"Did something happen?" she questioned, feeling her heart speed up in her chest.

"You mean, besides your fight with Maya?" he ran a hand through his hair and she took a step back, as he seemed to twitch in agitation.

"It was a long time coming," she reminded him, folding her arms across her chest.

"Yeah, your timings just awful," he groaned, before letting out an exhausted sigh and leaning back, "Did you come to lay into me, too?"

"I don't have the energy," Riley replied, flatly, "We can save that discussion for another time, Matt Hughes."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I'm going to lose my license for this," Riley laughed, though she knew that it was too late to go back now, "Maya's half-sister is in the hospital and she doesn't have anyone. I need to get ahold of Kermit or Olivia or someone from their family."

A smile stretched across Josh's face that was a lot like the sun breaking through the clouds after weeks of rain, "You're asking me to contact Maya's half-sister?"

"Because the other one is in the hospital," Riley tried, wondering where his enthusiasm was coming from.

"I can get ahold them. I'll let them know and get back to you," he promised, standing up from the steps, as he paced back and forth with an entirely new energy.

"Are you okay?" she asked, trying to figure him out.

"I just needed this," he returned, cryptically, "I'll let you know."

He was already up the steps and through the door before another question could form on her lips. She stared at the closed door for a minute and tried not to wonder what she had just done.

* * *

She crashes at Farkles' because she knows that she needs to be able to think coherently and function when she faces Doctor Rector again. It's the first decent amount of sleep that she's gotten in a very long time and it makes her miss the twins that much more. She's had plenty of distractions, but thoughts of them are always at the back of her mind.

Zay and Hailey had sent her several pictures yesterday and she pulls them up to stare at before she goes to get ready. She feels a little weird pulling on scrubs and her lab coat, but she's going for anything that can help her feel more official.

It's as she's pulling her hair into a ponytail and brushing on her makeup that she realizes that she hadn't stopped to stare at her stretch marks or scars. She, hesitantly, pulls up her shirts and brushes her hands across the pink lines.

She's not, exactly, ready to embrace them, yet, but she's ready to accept that they're a part of her. She lets her shirt fall back down.

* * *

"Hey," Riley leaned against the edge of the doorway and watched as Doctor Rector's head snapped up from his work.

"You look like you're feeling better," he offered and there's an apology in his words.

"What you said, I needed that," she admitted, "My life is such a mess and I needed some time to pull myself together."

"You don't strike me as the type to punch walls when you're falling apart, I figured there must be another way you let off steam," he offered and a smile pulled at the corners of her mouth.

"This job is the only thing that's ever really been mine. I killed myself for this career and I just need something in my life that works, that makes sense," Riley sunk down into the chair across from him.

"I think you picked the wrong career if you were looking for predictability," he offered.

"When I'm in an OR, when I'm delivering a baby, I'm in control. And, yeah, there are a million things that could go wrong, but I'm good at my job. Riley Mathews, M.D. has her life together."

"And the other Riley Mathews?"

"She's supposed to believe in people, in miracles, in hope. She's supposed to have faith that everything will work out in some great plan that the universe lays out, but how do you do that when people lie and betray you. How do you do that when loving people and believing in them can be so painful? The other Riley Mathews has doubts and insecurities."

"So, she's human, then?"

"She's tired and any direction that she goes from here looks like a battle that I'm not sure I have the strength left to fight," Riley admitted, staring intently at her lap, "I'm not even sure what's worth fighting for, anymore."

"I have a son, he's six. His mother has custody and she lives in Florida. She didn't like the time that I've had to spend working and she wanted me to drop out of medical school, but you get a hundred-thousand dollars in debt and you're committed to a course of action. So, I don't know how you keep believing in people or how you find the strength to keep going, but, somehow, you pick up your life and you keep walking because the alternative is sitting down and dying."

"Laws of motion," Riley offered and as she looked up at him, she could tell that he understood exactly what she was saying. She had a feeling that she could bring up hypothermia and he'd probably understand that one, too.

She couldn't decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing that they'd never gotten the timing right.

"You ready?" he questioned, standing up from his desk and pulling on his lab coat.

"You're going to let me do something after the mess I've been the last couple of days?" Riley returned, looking at him in shock.

"You might be crazy and emotional, but I'm not going to punish you for caring too much. When I don't think that you can handle it, I'll kick you out. But right now, I believe in you. So, I guess all that's left is whether you believe in yourself."

* * *

 **So, I've spent forever trying to get the next chapter for Heat Stroke done. I have to somehow figure out how to organically incorporate two more of Danielle's letters around Maya's conversation with her father, so that it all makes sense and it's driving me crazy. And then I thought, well maybe I should just skip ahead and reference the conversation somewhere else, but I love Dani's letters. I hate first person POV, but she's really fun to write and I've put a ton into this backstory.**

 **This chapter was much easier to write, but trying to piece everything together was kind of a challenge, so hopefully it flows okay. In a very rough original draft of Laws of Motion that was much more of a medical drama, Riley stayed in New York and was working on her fellowship, while dealing with everything else and I completely wrote myself into a corner. I pulled from that in a couple of places here, so hopefully it doesn't feel like the characters are all over the place. Thanks for reading! And I would love it if you left me a review!**


	14. 9 Crimes

"This isn't Jennifer's room," Riley pointed out, as Thor paused to rub hand sanitizer into his palms, at the front of a doorway.

"Nope," he agreed, stepping aside for Riley to the do the same.

She unconsciously hit the pump and rubbed her hands together, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Kelly Smith, age thirty-eight. She has a history of infertility, but against all odds; she's twenty-five weeks pregnant," he offered.

"And she's here because?"

"She's presenting with high blood pressure, protein in her urine, and a buildup of fluid in her lungs," he replied, folding his arms across his chest.

"So, she has Preeclampsia," Riley suggested, leaning against the wall, "That doesn't sound like something you would handle."

"The baby is mirroring the symptoms," he replied.

"Do you know how rare a case of Ballantyne Syndrome is?" Riley questioned, her mind pulling up cases that she'd only seen in textbooks.

"Probably a lot rarer in the-middle-of-nowhere, Wyoming," he replied, knocking and pushing open the door to the patient's room.

She figured the dig was probably warranted. She'd turned him down for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, to go and deliver babies in her waiting room and, more likely then she'd care to admit, at the side of the road.

She grabbed the closing door at the last possible second and darted in after him.

"Doctor Rector," Kelly was greeting him, from where she was hooked up to a number of monitors in a hospital bed. Riley already found herself picking out the baby's heart rate, before she moved her eyes to the elevated blood pressure of the mother.

"How are you feeling?" Thor asked, logging into the computer at the side of the bed to grab her chart.

"Breathing has gotten harder," she admitted, her voice coming out as a squeak.

"This is Doctor Mathews. Doctor Prescott is out of the country this week, so she's going to be filling in," Thor explained, his eyes never leaving the computer screen.

Riley's eyes narrowed as she tried to figure out exactly what he expected her to be, "Filling in," for.

"It's nice to meet you," Kelly forced a smile that was distorted by the oxygen, she had running into her nose.

"You said your sister was flying out? Do you have any idea when she'll get her?" Thor pressed on, not giving Riley any chance to get a word in.

"It's my cousin, actually, but she couldn't find a flight. She's driving and she probably won't get here for a few more hours," Kelly explained.

"I don't know how much longer we can hold off on surgery," he admitted, pulling up a fetal photo and gesturing for Riley to join him.

She made her way across the room and hovered at his side, picking out the details of the baby's organs. She could see where the buildup of fluid was and she could also see that the lungs weren't entirely developed and that the baby was going to have an uphill battle from delivery.

"We don't have to wait, I'm ready," Kelly offered.

"The father of the baby?" Riley asked.

"We'd decided to stop trying, almost five years ago, but we still had the frozen, fertilized eggs. When he died, I figured that I'd give it one last chance and now we're here," Kelly answered.

"We're going to put her on blood pressure medication, but if we don't deliver the baby, soon, both of them will die," Thor informed her.

The flashback came unbidden and with enough force that she feels as though she's been actually hit:

 _Riley took the baby from him, trying not to marvel at the size, as she moved to the other side of the room and several nurses moved to her side. The baby was small enough to fit in both of her hands, barely the size of a cauliflower, though each of its features are developed._

 _"I can't find a heartbeat," Riley panicked, as she went through the steps of what she was supposed to do post-birth._

 _"Start chest compressions," Doctor Lancaster offered and Riley used two fingers to press against the baby's chest._

 _"I've got the defibrillator," a nurse said, handing the small paddles to Riley._

 _"Clear," Riley demanded, pressing them to the baby's chest._

 _"No response," the nurse replied._

 _"Go again," Riley insisted, "Clear."_

 _"Nothing," the nurse repeated, her eyes trained on the screen that the baby was hooked up to._

 _"Let's go to epinephrine," Riley suggested and the nurse handed her a syringe of fluid. Riley injected the medication into the baby's chest and returned to the paddles, "Clear."_

 _"Doctor Mathews?" Doctor Lancaster called out, "What's happening?"_

 _"We've pushed epinephrine and shocked the baby three times with no response," Riley replied, trying not to become immersed in the panic, "Let's go again."_

 _Tears ran down Riley's face when ten minutes later she still had yet to get a response._

 _"Call it Doctor Mathews," Doctor Lancaster said, as he stopped next to her._

 _"This doesn't happen, babies born at twenty-seven weeks survive. She slipped on some ice," Riley said, returning to chest compressions._

 _"You've done everything that you can and it's over. Call the time of death," Doctor Lancaster repeated._

 _"I can't," Riley insisted, a sob getting stuck in her throat._

 _"Time of death: 5:15 P.M," Lancaster declared, turning and leaving the OR._

The door slammed closed behind her, as Riley took off down the hallway. She could hear Thor's steps echoing seconds behind her, as he managed to catch up and fall into stride with her.

"You want me to deliver a baby at twenty-five weeks?" Riley asked, stopping abruptly and waiting as he whirled around to face her.

She was already calculating the survival rate, which was at seventy-percent, when she'd worked at the hospital, but that didn't factor in the quality of life that baby would have or the babies she'd seen, who didn't make it and were even fewer weeks along. There weren't any guarantees in medicine and the odds were not stacked in their favor.

She'd come to New York to save Jennifer's baby, she hadn't come to put herself through more emotional suffering. She had enough of that waiting at home for her with Lucas and his mother.

"I have a good track record with preterm babies," he replied, "I just need you to open the mom up and close."

"I don't even work here," she reminded him.

"But you wanted to help with Jennifer's surgery," he returned, knowing that he had her.

"Why me?"

"It's your job isn't it? The thing in your life that's, 'Supposed to make sense,'" he quoted her.

"In my little, middle-of-nowhere, town," she snorted, "There have to be dozens of OB/GYN's in this hospital with more experience than me, so why are you asking me to do this?"

"Because I'm curious," he replied, his eyes never leaving hers.

"That's a stupid reason."

"But it's still a reason," he smirked, "You have to miss working at a hospital, like this? The high-stakes, the state-of-the-art OR's, the exhaustion after you've spent twelve-hours literally running around the hospital?"

"This may shock you, but there are, in fact, hospitals in Wyoming," she folded her arms across her chest, "We, also, have running water and electricity."

"But, they, apparently, don't have someone who can do what I do," he pointed out.

"No one can do what you do. You're pretty much making your field up as you go," Riley reminded him.

"You thought that you could do what I do, once," he offered, "So, now, I'm just asking you to put your money where your mouth is."

"Fine," Riley gave in, spinning on her heel and heading in the opposite direction. She tried to ignore the feeling of his eyes on her back.

It took her several floors of stairs before she managed to calm herself down. She'd come into the hospital prepared to do her job when it came to Jennifer, but she wasn't sure what Thor was playing at.

And she wasn't sure she could handle another death on her hands. The one thing Wyoming had going for it, was the lack of high-risk pregnancies. If she felt there was something to be concerned about, she sent them to a bigger city with specialized doctors. She hadn't lost a baby since she'd decided to move. But, now, there's a very real chance that she's about to add another casualty to her medical count.

* * *

She had heard Farkle come in late the night before, but he'd been gone by the time she was up at that morning. She found him hovering outside of Jennifer's room, with his back pressed against the wall. His shoulders were slumped and he was typing something into his phone.

"Hey," she greeted him, as his head snapped up.

"Riles, how are you?" he questioned, looking at her in concern.

"I'm tired," she replied, leaning against the wall next to him, "I heard you get in late last night. How long did you stay with Jennifer?"

"Until visiting hours were over. You didn't mention that her doctor went to high school with us," he pointed out.

"I didn't know, until yesterday," she admitted.

"What's going on?" he pressed.

"With what?"

"You almost passed out and then he dragged you out of the room and neither of you came back. Is there something that I should know?" he elaborated.

"I've spent months being the only person who knew that she was pregnant and, yesterday, she was looking at me to tell her what to do and I can't do that. I'm not her family, I'm her doctor," Riley replied.

"You can't be both?"

"Not at the same time. I can't be responsible for a decision that might cost her the baby. I talked to Josh last night and he's going to contact Jennifer's family," Riley admitted.

"You don't want to tell her what to do medically, but you get to make choices for her personally?" Farkle snapped, his face darkening.

"She can't do this by herself," Riley repeated.

"She's not by herself. She has you and she has me," he insisted.

"You just found out she was pregnant a couple of days ago, Farkle. And the two of you aren't exactly acting like things are solid between the both of you," Riley pointed out.

"It doesn't matter what's going on between the two of us. I'm not going, anywhere. Not when she needs me," Farkle argued.

"This surgery is one obstacle; at the end of this she's either going to have a baby or she won't. And, either way, her life is never going to be what it once was. You were the one who told me that I couldn't do it on my own and she can't either."

"She's not you, Riley," Farkle snapped, staring at her incredulously, "And if you think that you're going to emotionally distance yourself from this situation because it's too hard, then you shouldn't be her doctor or her family. You chose this job and you chose to be her friend, you don't get to decide to walk away when it starts to become a little too painful."

"You did," she reminded him, watching the fire flare up in his eyes.

"That doesn't change the fact that you're her doctor and you just released her medical information to people who she didn't want to know about her condition. That's a HIPPA violation, which is illegal," Farkle reminded her.

Riley felt her breath catch in her throat, as she turned to look at her childhood friend.

"She needs her family," Riley offered, fighting the nausea that had settled in her stomach at Farkle's words. He was right and they both knew it, though he'd been the last person she had expected to threaten to report her for it.

"You don't know the situation that she came from," he pointed out.

"And you do?" she countered.

"I know that Kermit was a drug addict and that his wife stayed with him. I know that Olivia has two DUI's and that Maya doesn't talk to any of them, anymore. Everyone doesn't grow up with a supportive family, the way that you did, Riles. She had a reason, she decided to leave them behind," Farkle ran a hand through his hair, before he turned and started walking in the direction that he had just come.

"Weren't you going to go in there?" Riley called after him.

"No, I'll let you tell her what you've done," he returned, not even bothering to turn around.

* * *

When she'd first viewed Chris Rector performing a surgery, she'd thought that he made it look like art. His every cut was fluid and without hesitation. His hands never shook and the facial expression on his face remained the same. She'd thought that he was born to be a surgeon and, for a second, she'd aspired to be exactly like him.

She hadn't really thought through what it would be like to be standing in front of him about to perform a surgery that she's done a million times, but suddenly unable to remember a single step. She felt like she was playing dress-up, despite her years of experience and training.

"Ready?" he asked, as her hands shook at her sides.

She wasn't, but if Farkle decided to report her this might be her last moment in an OR. So, she raised her gloved hands over the woman's extended abdomen and turned to the surgical technician that was waiting beside her.

"Ten blade," she held out her hand and felt the familiar metal suddenly in her hand.

Her brain may not be ready to catch up, but she felt her muscles settle at the familiar situation, as she fell into a rhythm that had become as necessary as breathing for her. She knew exactly how hard to press for the incision and she watched as the shiny, silver muscles slowly presented themselves to her.

Because, even if she was an emotional mess, with a tendency to run whenever she was scared, she was still good at her job. She _still_ had this.

By the time, her brain managed to get untangled from her thoughts, she was already stepping back as Thor moved in to remove the premature baby.

"I've got a heartbeat, but we're going to want to place a breathing tube, now," Thor instructed, moving away from Riley, as she returned to her spot at the table to sew the mother up.

She had tuned out Thor, as he got the baby stabilized and ready for transport to the NICU, but she was surprised by how empty she felt, as she finished her final line of sutures. This woman had carried a child for twenty-five weeks and, now, all she might have to show for it was the tiny scar that Riley had created.

It didn't seem fair, but, it was, also, more then she'd gotten to carry after her miscarriage. Maybe it would have been better if she'd had an external scar to show that what had happened was real. Something that couldn't have let her hide the secret that she'd tried so hard to bury.

She tied off the end of her sutures and returned her tools to the surgical technician beside her.

"Let's get her into recovery," Riley told the remaining people in the room, before retreating into the scrub-room to wash her hands.

* * *

Riley's back hit the wall, as she slowly sunk to the ground, clutching the scrub cap in her hands and closing her eyes. She was exhausted; the kind of exhausted that she could feel all the way down to the core of her bones, that made her wonder if she'd ever have the strength to move from her spot on the on the tiled floors.

There was a part of her that wondered if maybe she would sit there until her body wasted away and became a part of the very building and she couldn't help thinking that it would be a fitting resting place.

"Doctor Mathews?" Riley's head tilted up and she watched as her companion sunk into the seat next to her.

"How's the baby?" Riley asked, pulling her knees closer to her chest.

"Stable, the next few days will tell us a lot. I just finished talking to the mother," he updated her.

"They have an uphill battle ahead of them," Riley sighed.

"Life's an uphill battle. It's just finding the things that are worth fighting for," he offered, stretching his legs out in front of him and giving her a clear view of his wrists. Written in black, cursive ink, was, "Life," on one wrist and, "Death," on the other.

His eyes followed her line of sight and he slowly traced over one wrist, before speaking again, "So, I never forget what's at stake, what I'm holding in my hands."

"That's a lot of pressure," Riley offered.

"Why did you become a doctor?" he asked, looking at her with curiosity.

"I became a doctor to deliver babies," she replied, easily.

"Besides that," he pressed and she bit her lip as she thought through his question.

"I needed a job that would give me purpose in life, that would allow me to feel like what I was doing was meaningful. I like the science and the order, but, I, also, like that there's so much we can't explain," Riley explained, rambling, as she struggled to string her thoughts together, "And there's no feeling like the one you get when you hand a brand-new baby to a brand-new mother."

"That night on the front steps," he paused, "I'd just attempted an experimental procedure and lost the mother and the baby. I see some miracles, but I, also, see a lot of death. You see so much of it that there's a part of you that starts to feel like you're the one dead inside. I think you made the right choice going to Wyoming. There's more than one way to be great and you've come a long way, Mathews. You certainly grew up beautiful," he offered, squeezing her hand before he stood up.

"What's all of this really been about?" Riley questioned, bunching her scrub cap in her hands, as she watched him walk away.

He paused, before turning around slowly, "I don't get turned down a lot. And, we can pretend that I wasn't hitting on you that night all those years ago, but we both know that I was. You're the only person who's turned me down both professionally and personally," he informed her, "And you just keep reappearing in my life. I was just trying to figure you out."

"And did you?" she questioned, feeling a lot like she's playing with fire.

"Let me save your friend's baby and then we'll talk."

* * *

She can't bring herself go to Jennifer's room, so she heads back to Farkle's place. All of her things are there and she figures that she should probably retrieve them and find somewhere else to crash for the foreseeable future.

She's not sure how to process the day's events, so she does her best not to think about them. Lucky for her, all of her problems will still be there tomorrow.

She slips the key that Farkle had given her into the door and enters the main entryway, surprised to find that the lights are on. She had been counting on Farkle staying until visiting hours were over.

"Hello?" she called, wondering if she was in for another confrontation.

She heard the faint sound of footsteps, before the last person that she had expected to be, entered the entryway.

"Hey, Riles," he greeted her, quietly and her eyes widened as she took him in.

"Lucas, what are you doing here?"

* * *

 **I'm sorry for how long it has taken me to update. This chapter has been rewritten multiple times and I'm still not sure if I like it, but I've decided that I need to just post it and move on. So, hopefully you enjoyed it. Thanks to everyone who's still reading! I would love it if you would leave me a review and let me know what you think.**


	15. Way Down We Go

"What are you doing here, Mom?" Lucas questioned, as soon as the hotel door opened. He'd been on his way to Zay and Farkle's grand opening when he'd received the call and he'd known that if he didn't act fast all of this was going to blow up in his face.

"Do I need to have a reason to visit my son? My grandchildren?" Rebecca questioned, stepping aside so that he could enter the room.

"It would have been nice if you could have, at least, called first," Lucas pointed out, rubbing his hands on the back of his neck.

"You would have told me not to come," she sighed, sinking down on the edge of the bed and crossing her feet at the ankles. It's a pose so familiar that Lucas can almost ignore the years that have settled in her face and in the set of her shoulders.

"You told me that following Riley here was a mistake," Lucas reminded her, "You were willing to accept Maya's child as my own, but you thought that I should get a paternity test for the twins. You didn't, honestly, think that I was somehow going to forgive that?"

"She's done nothing, but make you miserable, since you were children. She didn't think that it was important to tell you that she was carrying your child the first time and she kept the twins from you for how long, Lucas? Excuse me, if I don't think someone with her poor communication skills is right for you."

"I've spent my entire life trying to make you happy, Mom. I turned down acceptances to good colleges, I stayed in the city, I ignored all of your scheming to get even with Dad because I know how he hurt you. But you have a way of poisoning the relationships in my life and I won't let you do that with my kids or with Riley. I'm finally happy. We're building a life here and I can't let you come and try to mess with that," Lucas sighed, leaning against the edge of the dresser.

"You think you're happy, now, Lucas, but what about a year from now? What about when the honeymoon period is over and Riley remembers everything that always been wrong between the two of you. She's going to walk away, Lucas, and you will be left destroyed. All I've ever done, all I've ever wanted was to protect you," she pleaded with him.

"Maybe, but I'd rather be destroyed from loving her too much, then have anyone else. I've spent my entire life trying to be what you and dad want, but I've never once asked myself what I want. She's all I want, she's all that I'll ever want. And until you apologize to Riley for the way that you've treated her and prove to me that you can be supportive of my family, you're not welcome here."

"You don't mean that," she whispered, her eyes fixed on her knees.

"I love you and I know better than anyone else what you've been through, but Riley has to come first, now, the twins have to come first," he couldn't quite bring himself to look at her.

"We were happy once," she reminded him, reaching up to wipe a single tear that had fallen from her eyes, "We were a family."

He'd promised himself that he was never going to make his mother cry and the fact that he's doing it, now, is a knife in his heart.

"I'm sorry," Lucas made his way to the door, closing it between them. He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, but he couldn't bring himself to pull it out. He wasn't sure how he was going to tell Riley that his mother was in town, but he wasn't stupid enough to believe that she would just give up after one confrontation.

He'd spent too many years around the lies and manipulations.

She was right that they had been happy, once, but the memories are so distant they feel like a story that someone might have told him.

 _Lucas can't resist pulling at the tie that his mother had just secured around his neck. The shiny black shoes that he's wearing pinch at his toes, but he can, at least, endure that. He'd just rather have nothing cutting off his air supply._

 _"Lucas," Rebecca cautioned him, from where she was seated at her vanity, brushing a red substance across her cheeks._

 _"It's tight," he complained, dropping his hands, as his mother shifted in her chair to look at him._

 _"But you look incredibly handsome," she assured him._

 _He settled back against the pillows of his parent's bed, as his mother resumed applying her makeup. He'd always been convinced that his mother must be the most beautiful woman in the world. She wore shiny dresses that made people turn to look at her and she had shoes that made a somewhat pleasant tapping sound against the floor. However, his favorite thing about his mother had to be the way she smelled. It reminded him of summertime and flowers and home._

 _"Hey, Luke," his father entered the room, setting a briefcase down on the chair by the door._

 _"You're late," Rebecca informed him, as he crossed the room and leaned over to kiss her cheek._

 _"I had a meeting with one of the partners that ran long," he apologized, loosening his tie and disappearing into the walk-in closet._

 _Rebecca let out a long-suffering sigh and set aside her makeup, pulling a necklace from her jewelry box and turning to where Lucas was still sprawled out on the bed._

 _"Luke, would you mind doing up the clasp?" she questioned, holding up a gold chain that carried a single round diamond._

 _"Sure," he agreed, getting off the bed and coming up behind her. He carefully attached the necklace to his mother's neck and watched as she adjusted the diamond in the mirror._

 _"You're growing up far too fast," she complained, as they both surveyed their mirrored images, "This time next year, you'll be in school all day."_

 _He wasn't sure what to say to that, so he just stared at her in silence._

 _"You look beautiful, Becks," Travis offered, reappearing in a different suit._

 _"If you think flattery is going to get you anywhere, Friar, you are sadly mistaken," she informed him, rising from the vanity and slipping into her shoes, "This dinner is important to me."_

 _"I promise that I will be on my best behavior," he assured her, as the three of them made their way out the bedroom door and towards the main entryway._

 _"Even if Daddy talks politics?" Rebecca questioned, glancing back at him, as they descended the main staircase._

 _"Even if he reminds me that you gave up a life of wedded bliss with Eric Buckley for me," he assured her, pulling open the front door and standing aside, so that Lucas and Rebecca could make their way out first._

 _Lucas pulled open the door to the beat-up pickup truck that his father continued to drive around, even though Rebecca had pointed out that he could afford a lot better._

 _"I did, didn't I?" Rebecca hesitated in the doorway, her body close to her husband's._

 _Lucas can only make out the silhouettes of his parents in the faded light, but he knows the look that his father is giving his mother. It's not the first time he's seen his mother look at his father with a teasing glint in her eye and his father always looks at her with something that his aunt had informed him was, "Complete and utter adoration."_

 _There are crickets chirping in the Texas night, but somehow, his father's voice still carries all the way to the car._

 _"Any regrets?" he questions in a voice that contains none of the banter from earlier._

 _"I married the love of my life and I've never looked back," she assured him, pressing a kiss to his lips before grabbing his hand and pulling him in the direction of the truck, "You know my father's going to say something about this car."_

 _"That may be the one thing that I can't overlook," Travis informed her and she let out a laugh that rang out into the night._

Lucas Friar has never been one to dream, but when he does they're nightmares. They're memories of raised voices and Nick climbing into his bed and depending on Lucas to reassure him that everything was going to be okay. Sometimes, he dreams of a casket that's far too small and other times they are dreams where he simply walks the sterile walls of a hospital, never able to reach his destination, but, also, unable to leave.

It's better when Riley is beside him. Her hope is the one thing that's ever been able to chase the demons out of his life, but tonight the demons are back at full force. Maybe, because they know that she's leaving or maybe because now she knows that he's never deserved her and if she wants to walk away, he's got no good reason to stop her.

He can hear Riley's quiet and even breathing coming from beside him and he wonders how she can be so at peace when their relationship is a fractured mess and she's leaving him in a matter of hours. When he'd returned to New York to tie up loose ends before moving here, she'd spent that last night with her hands bunched tightly into his t-shirt and her head buried into his neck.

But, now, there's nothing, but space between them and even in her sleep, Riley unconsciously pulls away, her body as close to the edge of the bed as she can get without falling off.

This wasn't the way that their story was supposed to end. Of course, he'd been lucky to get this chapter at all. He'd thought their story had ended a long time ago, but by some miracle they'd always found their way back to each other. He'd let himself start believing that maybe the past didn't matter and that they could have the future that he'd given up hoping for a long time ago.

He turned onto his side as the pain in his chest became something tangible. It pulsed and twisted and burned, until he wondered how his heart was even managing to still beat because surely it was reaching the limit of how much pressure it could function under.

He should have known better, the good things in life don't last.

 _"You said you would be there!" Rebecca's voice echoed through the stairwell and Lucas watched from around the corner, knowing that he should be in bed, but unable to stop watching the fight unraveling on the first floor._

 _The front door slamming had woken him up and he crept to the top of his stairs to see his mother kicking off her shoes in the stairwell. Seconds later his father had entered through the front door and she'd immediately spun around to throw accusations at him._

 _"Your shoes don't buy themselves, you know?" Travis informed her, "Someone in this family has to work."_

 _"We agreed that I would stay home with Lucas, that it was important that he had someone to be there for him, while he's young," Rebecca reminded him, "You don't think that being a mother full-time is exhausting?"_

 _"I'm sure it would be, if that's what you were doing. What about those days when you don't get out of bed and I have to figure out what to do with Lucas? It was one thing when it was happening rarely, but it's becoming more and more frequent. You're a part-time mother at best and having your sister move in with us is not a permanent solution. I'm sorry that I stood you up, but I'm working to provide you with the lifestyle that's always been so important to you."_

 _"What lifestyle?" Rebecca cut him off, before he could continue, "You think I care about the house, the shoes, the clothes? I was happy living in that broken down, one-bedroom, basement apartment, Travis. I was happy living in your father's barn. Don't you dare put this on me."_

 _"Your father laughed in my face when I asked him for his blessing in marrying you, he offered me an obscene amount of money to walk away, but I stayed and I fought for all of this. I fought for his respect and I'm finally starting to earn it. That was what you wanted, remember? You asked me to play nice," he hissed._

 _"I, also, asked you to be there. I need you to be there. There's something wrong with me, there's been something wrong with me since I had Lucas. I don't feel the way that I'm supposed to, Travis, I'm tired all of the time and I don't feel happy, anymore. Sometimes, I don't feel anything."_

 _"It's in your head, Rebecca," Travis sighed, rubbing the space between his eyes, "We've talked to your doctor and she says that you're physically fine. But if you want me to quit my job, I'll do it. We can lose the house, your shoes, live out of your car, since you hate mine so much. Is that what you want?"_

 _"No," her head bowed in defeat, "That's not what I want."_

 _"Then I need for you to start supporting me. I need you to understand when I work late and I need you to try harder, for me and for Lucas," Travis's voice dropped back to a normal volume and Lucas had to strain his ears to hear it._

 _"I'm going to bed," Rebecca informed him, picking her shoes up off the floor and carrying them in her hand as she started for the stairs._

 _"I'm sorry I didn't make it to dinner," he called after her and she paused to turn around._

 _"I don't know what we would have talked about, anyway," she returned, before continuing her journey up the stairs. Tears ran silently down her face, though her head remained high and she showed no outward signs that she was upset._

 _Lucas scooted into the shadows of the hallways, as his mother passed him without seeing him. She entered her room and closed the door._

 _Downstairs, Lucas could hear the sound of his father's study door closing._

 _"I swear I tucked you in," a voice startled him and Lucas turned to see his aunt looking out from the guest bedroom that she had been staying in._

 _"Sorry," he apologized, standing up to make his way back towards his room._

 _"Lucas?" his aunt whispered and he turned around to face her._

 _"It was just a fight, they're going to be fine," she promised, her voice filled with reassurance._

 _"It's not the first time he's made Mom cry," Lucas informed her, feeling something heavy rise up in his chest._

 _His aunt looked at him with wide green eyes, that looked slightly panicked, before she spoke again, in the same, gentle voice, "Do you want to sleep in with me tonight?"_

 _"I'll be fine," he didn't have to think about it. He'd learned a long time ago that it was a weakness to show his emotions; His Pappy Joe informing him that Friar's didn't cry when he'd fallen and scraped his knee and his father telling him not to show any fear when he'd ridden his first sheep. Even his mother was careful to never let anyone see her emotions, locking herself up in her bedroom for days on end._

 _He closed his door behind him and settled back under his covers. There was a nightlight that he'd hidden away when his father had suggested that Lucas was starting to get too old to be afraid of the dark, but Lucas couldn't help rifling under his bed, until he found it and plugging it into the wall. It barely gave off any light, but he found even the small radius to be comforting._

 _He closed his eyes and forced himself to fall asleep._

If there's something that Lucas has learned about life; it's that people are a product of their choices. Each one builds on the previous one and molds a person into who they are. There are the Riley's of the world, who are everything good about living, and there are the Lucas Friar's, who the jury is still out on.

It doesn't take Lucas long after Riley's left for him to realize that this is another moment that could change everything. She's going back to New York, the place where they grew up and fell in love, but, also, the place where he broke her heart and pushed her away. And he has this heavy feeling that's settled into his stomach that she might not be coming back.

"I need a favor," Lucas said, his phone shoved between his ear and his shoulder, as he shoved clothing into a duffel bag on the bed.

"Anything," Zay assured him.

"I have to go after Riley," Lucas admitted, zipping the bag closed and tossing it over his shoulder.

"Luke, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. She's pretty upset and I think that her having some time to cool down might be a good thing," Zay suggested, as Lucas descended the steps and set the bag on the couch.

"She's not coming back, Zay. She hugged me goodbye this morning and it was really goodbye. If I don't do something I'm going to lose her," Lucas explained, running his hand through his hair as he looked around the living room for anything that he could be missing. His heart was beating frantically in his chest and he knew he wasn't being entirely rational, but he couldn't ignore the feeling in his gut.

"I'm on my way over. Don't do anything until I get there," Zay pleaded, before hanging up the phone.

Lucas sighed, shoving the phone into the pocket of his jeans as he looked around the house. This was the house that he'd planned to grow old with Riley in. They were supposed to raise their kids, here, and fill the rooms with love and laughter.

He'd wanted more for them then what he'd had in his own childhood. He wanted his children to be raised by parents that never doubted their love for each other, that didn't have fights that bounced off the walls and lingered for days.

He wanted them to feel whatever they felt and to never doubt that they were enough. But, it mostly seems like a pipe dream, now.

Riley had only looked at him with disappointment three times in his life. Once, when she found out about his past in Texas, again when she'd learned that he'd gone to that party without telling her and she'd patched him up, and when she'd finally learned the truth about Josh's book. He'd thought that look was the worst way that she could ever look at him, but the past couple of days she could barely look at him, at all, and he knows that it's infinitely worse.

 _He can't breathe. His heart is pounding so hard in his chest that he can't hear anything else. He knows that there are vendors selling things outside of the tent and the crowd is probably cheering on whatever event is currently happening within the stadium, but none of the thoughts that he's using to distract himself are enough to calm his heart._

 _"Luke, are you doing, okay?" Rebecca questioned, sinking down in front of him and grabbing his hands._

 _"It's just a sheep, Mom," Lucas snorted, struggling to keep his voice steady and control the tremors in his hands, "And I've done this dozens of times."_

 _"I know," she sighed, "But you look a little pale."_

 _"He's fine, Rebecca," Pappy Joe spoke up._

 _"Travis was supposed to be here," she stood up, "The only reason I even agreed to let Lucas do this was because it was what you and Travis wanted."_

 _"That boy of mine will be here, he's just runnin' a little late and your nerves are the only thing scaring Lucas. I don't seem to recall you ever getting this nervous when Travis was riding and he was going up against bulls," Pappy Joe continued._

 _"I was too young to know all the things that go wrong, then," she snorted, "And we both know how that ended."_

 _"Lucas will be fine," Pappy Joe argued._

 _"That's very reassuring, thank you. I'm going to go call my husband," Rebecca left the tent and Pappy Joe shook his head._

 _"Ignore your mother, she just gets a little worked up," he suggested, wrapping an arm around Lucas._

 _Lucas nodded once, but it did nothing to calm the electricity that was running through every nerve in his body. He wanted to run and hide somewhere where no one would ever find him._

 _"They're ready for you outside," Rebecca informed them, as she re-entered the tent._

 _"Dad?" Lucas questioned, wishing that she would insist that he didn't do this._

 _"He's not answering his phone," Rebecca admitted._

 _"Okay," Lucas sighed, heading through the flap and out towards the arena._

 _He doesn't remember much of what happens next, except for the moment that his shoulders impact with the ground and his head slams against the dirt._

 _"Lucas!" his mother's screams are enough to rise up above the sounds of the crowd, as he lays stationary and wonders if this is really happening._

 _He slowly sits up and easily finds his mother running towards him, however, his eyes don't stay on her for long. He's already looking passed her body to where Pappy Joe had been standing at the edge of the arena. His face is expressionless, but his eyes are full of disappointment and Lucas knows that he's failed._

 _"Are you okay?" Rebecca questions him, kneeling down in the dirt beside him._

 _His back hurts and there's a pounding going on in the back of his head. Trying to turn his head yields enough pain that he bites down forcefully on his tongue, "I'm fine, Mom."_

 _"He's done with this," Rebecca informed Pappy Joe in the car on the ride home. Lucas is pretending to sleep in the back, but he can already pick up on the tense feelings between his mother and his grandfather._

 _"It was one fall, Rebecca, and you know that he loves this."_

 _"I don't know that he loves this. I know that Lucas loves baseball and fishing and riding the carousel at the mall, but he does this for you and Travis, who couldn't even bother to show up, today. Can't you see how much he adores you? He'd do anything to make you happy, but this is where we're drawing the line. I can't lose my son."_

 _"Like you've lost your husband?" his grandfather bit out spitefully._

 _"You don't know anything about my marriage."_

 _"I know that you're taking those pills more then what's prescribed on the bottle. I know that Lucas has been spending more and more days with me, while Travis claims that you're sick. You're choosing your addiction over your family," Pappy Joe informed her._

 _"I'm not addicted to my medication," Rebecca hissed, "And if that's what Travis has told you, then he's making excuses to make up for his own shortcomings."_

 _"I'm not saying my son is blameless in this, but you need to get a handle on things, Rebecca. It can't go on like this."_

 _His mother takes him into the house without a word to his grandfather and she immediately kicks off her shoes in the front entryway and leaves them there. Lucas knows that it's a sure way to start a fight with his father, so he waits until Rebecca has made her way into the kitchen and he picks the shoes up off the floor, before making his way up the stairs._

 _He tucks his mother's shoes into their designated spot in his parent's closet and pauses to look at their wedding picture on his mother's vanity. They look happy and he finds himself searching back in his mind for the last time that they looked at each other that way._

 _He shuts himself in his own bedroom and pulls the clothes from his body, before pulling on a pair of pajamas and climbing into bed. At five years, old, he's not entirely sure what love is or what it is to be in love._

 _He knows that his aunt claims she's in love with every boy that she brings to a family dinner and that she once envied what his parents had, but the boys his aunt brings around never last and no one has envied what his parents have in a long time. If that's love, then he's not sure that he wants it._

 _"Luke?" his father whispers, as he lets himself into Lucas's bedroom._

 _"I'm asleep," Lucas informed him, from where he'd buried himself under the covers. His body is aching and all he really wants to do is close his eyes and sleep._

 _"I'm sorry that I didn't make it today. I really wanted to be there, but I lost track of time and by the time that I looked at the clock, it was too late," Travis apologized, sitting down on the edge of Lucas's bed._

 _"It doesn't matter, anyway, I lost," Lucas informed him._

 _"Your mother mentioned that, but it's okay, Luke. Everybody loses sometimes, you'll do better next time," his father assured him, peeling back the covers, so that he could see Lucas's face._

 _He knows that if he agrees to do it again, it's only going to cause a fight with is mother, who's determined that Lucas give up the sport. And, he's tired of the screaming and the yelling. Though, in the end, his decision is made because he never wants to see that disappointed look on his grandfather's face again._

 _"There's not going to be a next time. I quit," Lucas informed him, averting his eyes before he could see his father's reaction._

 _"You can't quit the first time that things get hard," his father chided him._

 _"And you can't force me to go out there and ride a sheep, that would require that you actually showed up."_

 _"I explained why I wasn't there," Travis reminded him, though there was an edge to his voice that hadn't been there before, "Did your mother say something to you?"_

 _"No," Lucas replied, turning over and burying his head into his pillow._

 _He heard his father's feet hitting the floor and seconds later his father's voice was echoing up the stairs. Lucas forced himself not to process the words, he already knew them by heart._

Lucas was still standing in the center of the living room when Zay let himself into the house, followed by Roy and Lydia. The three had flakes of snow melting in their hair and Zay's teeth were chattering as he kicked off his shoes in the entryway and made his way further into the house.

"We need to talk, Luke," Zay insisted, rubbing his hands together, "Before you hop in that car and get yourself killed."

"Okay," Lucas sighed, too tired to fight with him. Zay had years of experience talking him down and Lucas had known him long enough to trust Zay to have a clearer perspective on the situation.

"Are the twins still asleep?" Lydia asked, standing uncertainly in the arch that led into the living room.

"Yes, Summer's in," he paused as he choked on the words, "Our room and Matt is in the nursery."

"Roy and I will head upstairs and check on them," Lydia suggested, heading straight for the stairs.

They waited until the footsteps had faded and Zay sunk down onto the couch, "You weren't this messed up when she turned down your proposal."

"That was different. I knew that she wasn't going anywhere," Lucas pointed out, taking the seat beside him.

"She's coming back, if not for you, then at least for her children. You're going to get a chance to try and work things out," Zay assured him.

"You were the one that told me that she was a runner and, now, I've given her the perfect excuse to walk away. That summer with Maya was a stupid mistake and I should have known better. I should have known better when Maya was pregnant, too, but I keep hurting Riley. We're in this viscous cycle that we just can't seem to break."

"You and Riley are not your parents, Lucas. And you're not your father. You have never _intentionally_ used Maya to hurt Riley. You were just trying to be there and that doesn't make everything that you've done magically okay, but Riley pushed you away, too. I remember those months in school when you were outside her apartment every weekend trying to get her to talk to you, I remember the letters, and the class that you failed because you were so worried about her. You're not the teenager that pushed her away, anymore. You're a good person and she's going to find her way back to you."

"I want to believe that," Lucas closed his eyes, rubbing the spot between his eyebrows.

"But you're going, anyway," Zay finished, for him, his voice resigned.

"You know how messed up I was before I met, Riley. I was ready to fight the entire world," Lucas offered, "But then she fell into my lap on the subway and I realized that this was a second chance, I could be anyone that I wanted to be. I could be the guy that was worthy of the kind of faith and trust that she put in me."

"And Lucas the Good was born," Zay said, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

"When I'm with her, I'm the very best version of myself. And, sooner or later, I knew there was going to be a moment when she saw all of my flaws and realized that I wasn't always that person. Well, now she knows the person that I am without her and if she wants to run away, I'll let her. But I can't let go, until I know that I've done everything in my power to show her how much she means to me. When she walks away from me, I won't let it be because she thinks that I've ever cared for Maya more than I care for her."

"You're not going to find an open airport in this weather," Zay sighed, as they both looked to the window, which was frosted in ice.

"I'm going to drive," Lucas admitted, having had plenty of time to think through this plan.

"The roads are going to be icy and you can't patch things up with Riley if you die in a horrible car accident," Zay pointed out.

"If I can get out of Wyoming, I can beat the storm across the rest of the country," Lucas shrugged off his concerns.

"Maybe," Zay offered, skeptically.

"You'll take care of the twins for me?"

"Roy and Lydia have agreed to help and I'll keep an eye out for your mom," Zay promised, "But you need to promise me that if the roads get ugly, you'll pull over and wait it out."

"I promise."

 _To say he's surprised when he finds out that his mother is pregnant is an understatement. He knows that his parents have been in counseling, courtesy of his Aunt Carmen, who had wanted to assure him that they were working things out. However, a little brother is not something that he had planned for._

 _He has enough trouble trying to get his father to notice him, without having someone to compete with._

 _"It's not as bad as you think it will be," Carmen informed him, her eyes flickering to the rearview mirror and back to the road. They're on the way home from Lucas's basketball game and the win feels somewhat empty without either of his parents there to see it, "Your mother is my best friend and there's an age difference between the two of us, too."_

 _"You think a baby is going to be my best friend?" Lucas snorted, trying to imagine playing soccer with an infant who couldn't even crawl_

 _"Maybe, not at first, but someday the two of you will be all grown up and he'll be the only person who understands the crazy house that you were both born into," Carmen offered._

 _"Except he got to miss all the bad parts," Lucas pointed out._

 _"He'll have his own set of things to deal with," Carmen promised, turning onto a side road, "But he'll have an amazing big brother to help him get through it."_

His knuckles are white against the steering wheel and he can feel every time the wheels lose traction on the road. The snow obscures anything long distance that he could see, despite his windshield wiper's best efforts to keep his view clear.

But, he can't bring himself to turn back. With every mile, he feels the pull that he's only ever felt towards Riley and it's like his heart is feeding off of every foot of distance that he closes between them. Maybe it knows something that he doesn't.

 _When Lucas is brought into the hospital room, he's fully prepared to hate the tiny bundle that his mother is cradling in her arms. However, her face lights up the minute that she sees Lucas and despite her looking the least put-together that he's ever seen his mother, he can't help thinking that she looks like an angel._

 _"Where's Travis?" Carmen questioned, as she led Lucas into the room._

 _"He had just boarded a plane for New York, when I went into labor. I'm sure he'll be back, as soon as he gets my message," Rebecca offered, gesturing for Lucas to come closer to the bed._

 _"And Mom?" Carmen continued, as Lucas hesitantly made his way towards the little blue bundle._

 _"She's out getting us something to eat. It's been an exhausting day," Rebecca replied, as Lucas's eyes met a matching pair of green._

 _"What's his name?" Lucas questioned, as he found himself completely captivated by the baby in his mother's eyes._

 _"Nicholas, but we'll call him Nick," Rebecca informed him, "Would you like to hold him?"_

 _Lucas nodded once and Carmen helped seat him in a chair, using a pillow to prop his elbow up, before they placed the baby into his arms._

 _"You did a good job, Big Sister," Carmen said, sinking down on the edge of the bed and helping Lucas hold up the baby._

 _"Thanks," Rebecca smiled, reaching out to squeeze Carmen's hand._

The cold air brings goosebumps to his skin, as he gets out of the car to fill it with gas. It's a thirty-one-hour drive to New York, but he knows it's going to take longer on account of the road conditions.

He's just making his way into the station to buy something to eat, when his phone starts buzzing in his pocket. The number is unfamiliar and he almost doesn't answer it, except he's worried that it might be Riley. He hadn't gotten more than a text from her to let him know that she had landed safely and he's not sure what that says about her feelings toward him at the moment.

"Hello?" Lucas holds the phone up to his ear, as the bell above the door chimes.

"Lucas, it's Josh."

"Is everything okay?" Lucas asked, baffled at why Riley's uncle would be calling him. They'd put on a good face, after Riley had given birth to the twins, but Josh had let him know that he wouldn't be someone forgiving Lucas's sins anytime soon.

"I need to get ahold of Olivia," Josh cut straight to the chase.

"You know that Maya doesn't want anything to do with her after what happened," Lucas reminded him, grabbing a bag of chips off the shelf and heading to the refrigerators for something to drink.

"Her sister's currently in the hospital and from the way that Riley's freaking out, I would guess that things are pretty bad," Josh informed him.

"Does Maya know what you're doing?" Lucas questioned, already knowing the answer. Josh hadn't been around when things had gone down between the sisters, but Lucas had seen the ugliness of it first-hand.

"Maya's on dialysis. Her kidney's failing and she doesn't qualify for the donor list. I need to get Olivia to New York and I'm prepared to use whatever means necessary to do it," Josh informed him and Lucas had to brace himself against the glass door of the fridge to keep himself from falling over.

"Does Riley know?"

"She and Maya had a pretty big fight after Riley landed and Maya's forbidden me from telling anyone about her health problems, but we have to do something, Lucas. I can't raise my son on my own," Josh pleaded with him.

"You're going to have a hard time getting her to forgive you for this," Lucas sighed, rubbing his eyes with his free hand, "And there's no guarantee that Olivia's going to want to help Maya."

"She doesn't have to come for Maya, but she'll come for her sister," Josh insisted, "And all I need is a few minutes alone with her to explain the situation."

"This is going to come back to bite you," Lucas predicted.

"I'd rather Maya spent the rest of her life hating me, then dead," Josh offered, bluntly, "So, can you get ahold of her?"

"I would guess that my mother still has her number. I'll make a call," Lucas assured him, "But I doubt her help is going to come without strings attached and I'm not making any decision that could impact Riley or my family without talking to Riley first."

"I may not like you, Friar, but I know that you love my niece. And, I respect that."

 _There are lots of fights leading up to his expulsion. However, the only one he really remembers clearly is the last one._

 _"I heard his mother tried to kill herself when she found out that his father was cheating and that's why she's in rehab," a voice whispered behind Lucas's back, as he turned the dial on his locker._

 _"Well, my mother's friends with Lucas's father's assistant and the assistant said that Lucas's mother has been crazy for years and that Lucas's father just stays with her because he feels sorry for her," someone whispered back, and Lucas clutched the dial so hard he was worried it was going to break apart in his hand._

 _"Hey," Zay greeted him cheerfully, clapping Lucas on the back, "You ready for that quiz that we have in history."_

 _"I only finished half of the reading. It has to be my most boring class," Lucas offered, unclenching his fist and forcing himself to relax. He managed to grab the books that he needed from his locker and added them to his backpack, before turning to follow Zay in the direction of their class._

 _"Hey, Friar?" Brent Grayson stepped into the middle of the hallway, blocking their path._

 _"What do you want?" Lucas questioned, aware that the entire hallway had gone silent._

 _"Is your mother really locked up in a Psych ward?" he asked, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, as Lucas struggled to hold it together._

 _"Come on, Brent. This isn't cool," Zay pointed out._

 _"That's right, Babineaux, this all hits a little close to home, doesn't it? After all, having a part in the Psych ward, must be pretty similar to having a parent in prison. I'm sure you and Lucas have really bonded over that, huh?_

 _"I would worry about your own problems, Brent. We, at least, know who our parents are. It's not exactly a secret that your mother slept with so many guys she's not even sure who your father is," Zay hissed._

 _Lucas could already see Brent forming a fist and his face turning an unnatural shade of red and he knew exactly what would be coming next. Brent was easily a head taller than him and if Lucas waited for Brent to make the first move, there was a good chance that Zay was going to end up with a broken nose, or worse._

 _So, Lucas took the first swing. Knowing that he needed to be quick and make sure that Brent wasn't going to be able to launch an attack afterward._

 _He could hear the roaring of the kids that were gathering around them, as Lucas took another swing at Brent's face, before Brent grabbed Lucas's leg and pulled him to the floor. It felt like an eternity that the two of them were rolling around, both trying to land as many brutal blows as they could get, before the teachers would inevitably step in and separate them._

 _He feels detached as the world around him seems to mute. He knows that he's supposed to be mad, but he's not mad at Brent for saying those things, or even Zay for going for the one thing with Brent that would make a fight inevitable. He's mostly just mad that everything they've been saying contains a lot more truth then what Lucas wants to admit._

 _Soon, he's being pulled away from Brent and wiping at his bloody lip. He can hear Zay trying to defend his actions to whatever teacher is supervising, but it doesn't matter. He knows how this story will end because he's been there so many times before._

 _"Where was this fire when you were riding sheep?" his father demanded on the car ride home._

 _Lucas had expected a suspension, but he hadn't been prepared for the expulsion. He knew that his grades had been slipping since his mother had left to, "Visit Aunt Carmen," and he knew that he'd had quite a few physical altercations since the beginning of the year, but his father had always been able to talk Lucas out of any permanent trouble._

 _"Is it true?" Lucas demanded, staring at his bruised knuckles that were clenched in his lap._

 _"Is what true?" Travis returned, his eyes on the road._

 _"That you've been sleeping with your assistant since Mom left," Lucas replied and Travis abruptly stopped the car, the brakes screeching and the smell of burning rubber filling the air._

 _"Who told you that?"_

 _"Someone saw you kissing her in the parking lot of a motel. There are pictures," Lucas replied, struggling to speak through his racing heart._

 _"There are things about this situation that you just don't understand, Lucas. That you won't understand until you're older. Your mother left," Travis offered, carefully easing back onto the road and accelerating back to a normal speed._

 _"Because she's sick," Lucas returned, "And the both of you keep treating me like I can't tell that something's going on and that your stories just don't add up."_

 _"She's going to be disappointed when she finds out that you've been kicked out of school," Travis abruptly changed the subject, pulling to a stop as they reached the house and Travis put the car in park._

 _"Well, I guess I'll learn to live with that. Just like I've learned to live with yours," Lucas yanked the door open and headed straight for the front door, leaving it open, as he climbed the stairs and headed straight for Nick's room._

 _Nick was fast asleep in his crib and Lucas, quietly closed the door behind himself, as he crossed the room and sank down at the side of the crib. He reached his hand through the bars and gently grabbed a hold of Nick's hand._

 _"I'm glad you won't remember any of this, Nicky. By the time you're old enough to remember anything, Mom will be back and we'll both protect you from all of this," Lucas promised, leaning his head against the bars._

Farkle's home hasn't changed at all since the first time that Lucas had seen it. He'd spent plenty of time hanging out there over the years and he's relieved to find that they still keep the spare key in the same hiding spot.

He's not sure what his plan is, but he crosses the main entryway and finds himself standing in the guest room that has Riley's open luggage at the foot of the bed. The bed is unmade and he slowly crosses the room and collapses into the covers, relieved to find that they smell like her.

He'd pulled over on the road to sleep for a couple of hours when the exhaustion had become too much, but he's physically and emotionally drained and it's easy to drift off surrounded by the comfort that comes from knowing that Riley is finally within reach.

 _Lucas didn't believe in anything before he came to New York. He was pretty sure that love was something someone had made up, so that people didn't have to spend their lives feeling alone. Though, he knows now that you can be the most alone, even when you've spent most of your life by someone else's side. He doesn't have to look further than his mother to learn that lesson._

 _"You should wear the blue shirt," Rebecca suggested, bouncing Nick on her hip, as she paused in Lucas's doorway, "It brings out your eyes."_

 _His new bedroom is filled with boxes and he can't bring himself to unpack. He misses the friends that he left behind and he's still convinced that this is all some kind of joke and they're going to go back home._

 _"I'm not worried about my eyes, Mom," Lucas snorted, though he grabbed the shirt, anyway._

 _"Luke, look at me," Rebecca demanded, setting Nick down at the edge of the room and crossing over to stand right in front of him, "This is a fresh start for all of us. We're all getting a clean slate and we're not going to hold the past against each other, okay?"_

 _He can't deny that she looks better since she'd gotten back. He'd expected her to fight with his father or react when she heard the whispers that Lucas hadn't been able to escape for months, but she'd taken it all in stride. She'd slipped right back into her role as mother and she'd stopped arguing with Travis altogether. In fact, Lucas had found that she'd started to agree with him on almost everything. Especially, his suggestion that they leave Texas and move to New York._

 _"I don't think the stains that we're bringing with us come clean, Mom. I'm pretty sure they're permanent," Lucas informed her, shrugging on the shirt and grabbing a jacket to go over it._

 _"People change and everyone deserves a second chance," Rebecca informed him, smiling as Nick started pulling on her pants, "This is my second chance and I'm hoping that you'll take it, too. What happened in Texas doesn't have to follow us. You can be whoever you want to be."_

 _"I'm going to school," Lucas announced, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder._

 _"I thought I would take you, since it's your first day," Rebecca admitted, a frown pulling at her mouth._

 _"It's easier if I just take the Subway, Mom," Lucas pointed out, "And I'm a little old to be having my parents take me to school, anyway."_

 _"You might be growing up, but you'll always be my baby," Rebecca informed him, planting a kiss on his cheek, as he headed for the door._

 _"I love you, Mom," Lucas called back and he thought he caught tears gathering in her eyes._

 _The love between a mother and a son, at least, made sense. It was biological._

 _"I love you, too, Luke, more than you will ever know."_

 _Lucas settled into his seat on the subway and closed his eyes as he leaned back against the window. He didn't have any plans of starting fights at this school, but he also didn't plan on trying to fit in. He didn't need friends here, he had those back in Texas, and any attachments could only end badly._

 _He feels the eyes on him, before he sees them and a smile pulls at his mouth as he realizes that two girls close to his age are checking him out from across the car. He'd had plenty of girls that were interested in him back in Texas, but he wasn't interested in a relationship. He had no intention of ending up like his parents and he doubted there was a girl out there who would want anything to do with him, when he explained what he thought about falling in love._

 _The blonde approaches him first and it's over almost as quickly as it began._

 _He's ready to shake off the entire encounter and chalk it all up to girls just being weird, but, suddenly, the brunette is flying across the subway and his arms reach out to grab her, as though it's some instinct he wasn't even aware that he had._

 _"Hi, I'm Riley, we were just talking about you," she admitted, looking at him with these wide eyes that are partially embarrassed and partially something, else, that he's not sure that he has a name for, but that he hopes will never stop, "You used to go out with my friend, Maya."_

 _"I'm Lucas," he introduced himself, unable to keep the smile off of his face. She radiates a warmth that extends out in every direction and he wants to keep it with him, to ward off the cold that he'd come to accept as a part of his being._

 _"I love it," she smiled and he wished that he could freeze this moment in time forever._

 _He hadn't bought anything about second chances when his mother had been talking about it earlier, but he sees a second chance in the way that she's looking at him. She's not seeing his past and she's not seeing his mistakes; she's just seeing him. And he's sure that no one has ever torn through his defenses this quickly and seen his heart, though he has a feeling that he can trust her with the parts of himself that he's been trying so desperately to protect._

 _She doesn't make him believe in love in that moment, but she makes him believe in himself and the funny thing is that he's sure that she'll never even know what she's done._

"Hello?" Riley's voice bounces off the walls and Lucas instantly snaps awake.

His limbs are moving before he's even fully conscious of what he's doing and all he can think about is finally seeing her.

"What are you doing here, Lucas?" Riley questioned, her eyes tired and her voice weary.

"Every step, every moment in my life, has led me to you. I've loved you enough to let you go over and over again, every time that you've asked me to and every time that I've thought that you could do better than me. But, this time, I'm loving you enough to fight for you because we're not done, yet, Riles. I'm not the teenager that took Maya to Texas with me, anymore, and you're not the same woman who pushed me away after you lost our baby. We've both grown and I know that you're scared, but I, also, know that on the other side of our fears is something worth risking everything for. I won't push you, Riles, but I want you to know that I'm all in. And whatever comes next is up to you."

"No pressure," Riley offered, her eyes fixated on her shoes.

"You told me that Maya knew parts of me that you didn't and I've spent the entire car ride here thinking about what I could do to make sure that you had all of me. You read Josh's and Maya's story, but this is mine," Lucas held up the notebook that he'd found in the backseat of the car and proceeded to write in at every stop that he'd taken, "This is every secret, every mistake, and every moment that I've known that I will never love anyone the way that I love you. This is all of me and it's yours."

Lucas held the notebook out to her and her eyes snapped up to meet his.

* * *

 **Believe it or not, this was the chopped down version of this chapter and it was a beast to write. I ended up losing my entire first draft and had to start over from scratch. But, hopefully, you enjoyed getting a glimpse into Lucas's point of view and some of his defining moments. The next chapter will be back to Riley and quite a few things are going to start bubbling over.**

 **Thanks for reading and I would love to hear your thoughts!**


	16. Litost

The only sound in the entryway to Farkle's childhood penthouse is the sound of her heart beating its measured rhythm within her chest. She's about to lose everything: her medical license, her friendship with Farkle, her friendship with Jennifer, she'd already lost Maya and Josh.

And, now, Lucas is standing in front of her, his heart in his eyes and his life outstretched to her in his hands. He'd always known how to make a speech, but despite what Rebecca had, once, told her, Lucas had always been one to back up his words with actions, too. The fact that he had just come all the way across the country to see her, proved that.

Everything about this moment is too much and her first instinct is to pivot and run straight out the door. Lucas, probably, wouldn't follow her and she might get the chance to step away and find the clarity that she needs, but she can't make her feet move from where she's standing.

Instead, she steps forward, ignoring the notebook that he's holding out to her. His eyes widen and she swears that he stops breathing, as she takes another step, until their chests are just inches apart.

"I don't know where I am with what I'm feeling, right now," Riley admitted, craning her neck back to retain eye contact.

"I can wait," he assured her.

His eyes match the gentleness in her tone and it's the first time that she feels like she's looking at him and seeing _her_ Lucas. He'd been so busy with the practice after moving to Wyoming and they'd spent so many years pushing each other away and never getting the timing right. He was right that they both had changed, but she's not sure what that means for them together.

She felt tears slowly gather in her eyes, as the events of the day caught up to her and she closed the remaining distance between them, burying her head in his chest. She heard the sound of the notebook hitting the floor, as Lucas dropped it to wrap his arms around her.

"Everything is such a mess," she confessed, her voice coming out distorted in the fabric of his shirt.

"I know," he sighed, his hand running through the ends of her hair.

"I just want to go back, to before everything became _this_ ," Riley whispered, struggling to put her feelings into words.

Lucas's arms tightened around her and she wrapped her hands in the back of his shirt, relieved to have the physical distance between them finally breached. She had tried to keep her mind off of him the last couple of days, but it wasn't until this moment that she realized how much she had really missed him.

She's not sure how long they stood embracing in Lucas's hallway when her phone started ringing and she pulled back to grab it out of the pocket of her lab coat.

"Hello?" she answered, wiping at her runny nose with her sleeve, as she struggled to get her emotions back into check.

"Doctor Mathews?" someone asked and Riley's eyes snapped up to Lucas as a feeling of dread settled around her heart.

"Yes?"

"There's been a problem with a patient that you operated on this afternoon and you're listed as her primary surgeon," the voice on the other line informed her.

"I'm on my way in, right now," Riley replied, ending the call and turning back towards the door, as her body started moving on autopilot.

"Riley?" Lucas called, coming after her, as she headed for the elevator.

"I delivered a baby at the hospital this afternoon and something is wrong with the mother. I need to go look into it," Riley informed him, her mind already reviewing every incision and movement she made and looking for a mistake.

"I'll go with you," Lucas suggested, as Riley hit the button and watched the numbers start changing above it.

"Lucas?" Riley sighed, waiting until she had his full attention, "I need you to pack up my things from here and take them to my parent's house."

"Why? What's going on?" he questioned, as the doors slid open and Riley crossed the threshold.

"I will explain everything to you, after I deal with this, but, right now, I have to go," Riley pleaded with him to understand.

"Okay," he agreed, stepping back, as she hit the number for the lobby.

* * *

"Where's Doctor Rector?" Riley demanded, stopping at the nurse's station on the maternity floor.

"He left the hospital after he finished operating this afternoon and, now, he's not responding to his pages," the Health Unit Coordinator offered, looking up from where she had been doing something on a computer.

"Is that normal?" Riley questioned, pulling her hair into a ponytail with the elastic around her wrist.

"No, but very little about this day has been normal. You don't work here, correct?" she questioned.

"I did my residency here," Riley replied, "But I haven't in almost a year."

Before the coordinator could respond, an alarm started going off and both of their heads turned to look down the hall, "That's a code blue."

"Which room?" Riley demanded, her eyes scanning the lights above the patients' rooms for one that was lit up.

Riley's feet moved on instinct and she was already down the hall and in Kelly's room before her brain had entirely processed which call light was flashing. She shoved the curtain out of the way and her eyes swept widely over the room as she assessed exactly what she had just walked in on.

"She's been on oxygen, but her pressure is dropping and we have an irregular heartbeat," a frantic nurse informed her.

"It's probably a side-effect of the blood pressure medication that she was put on," Riley suggested, moving over to help the nurse remove Kelly's hospital gown for CPR and hitting the button to drop the bed back into a flat position.

"I didn't read anything about heart surgery in her file," the nurse informed Riley and Riley's eyes snapped to the faded incision line on her chest.

"Page someone from cardio, right now," Riley demanded, her mind already going over the symptoms as the puzzle pieces finally snapped together.

She stepped back as the Code Blue team made their way into the room and watched as they charged the defibrillator and Kelly's body jerked unnaturally from the paddles being pressed to her chest.

"Any change?" Riley questioned, unable to see the monitor.

"We're going again," someone responded.

Everything seemed to go mute, as Riley watched the team work together to get a stable heartbeat and Kelly's body lay unresponsive in the center of the bed.

"Any news on cardio?" Riley turned to the original nurse, who had been shoved into a corner on the opposite side of the room.

"They're sending someone," she responded.

Riley watched as they shocked Kelly again and received equally unresponsive results.

"Alright, move," Riley demanded, shoving her way between the new members of the room, "I'm going to need a Thoracotomy tray, now."

"You're going to open her up?" the man holding the paddles demanded, as Riley moved around the bed to grab a surgical gown and shoved her arms through it.

"We don't have time to get her to an OR and by the time we get someone from cardiology here, it's going to be too late," Riley informed him, shoving her hands into a pair of sterile gloves and returning to where the nurse had set up the Thoracotomy tray and was spreading Betadine across Kelly's exposed chest.

"You ever done this before?" he questioned, moving out of Riley's way, as she took her position on the side of the bed.

"Nope. Ten blade," Riley demanded, holding out her hand and immediately receiving it from the nurse on the other side.

Riley took closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then made the straight incision along the previous scar line.

She'd seen the procedure done once before in an emergency in the maternity department, but she'd never thought she would be the one cutting into a woman's chest and hoping that she could, somehow, convince their heart to continue beating. If she wasn't losing her job from Farkle reporting her, she was going to lost it over this.

"Are you Doctor Mathews?" a new voice questioned, entering the room, and already tying on a surgical gown.

"Yes," Riley replied, too busy spreading the ribs, to look over and see who it was.

"I'm Doctor Jones, your Cardio consult," he informed her, stepping up to the bed, as he finished securing a pair of gloves.

"Kelly Smith, thirty-eight. She presented with what we believed was Ballantyne syndrome, but, now, I think she's rejecting a heart transplant," Riley caught him up, "You want to step in, here?"

"You appear to have this, I'll just walk you through it," he suggested, watching as Riley exposed the heart and started messaging it in her gloved hands.

It was a last-ditch effort and everyone in the room knew that. However, tears gathered in Riley's eyes for the second time that day, when the heart slowly started to beat.

"I've got a pulse," Riley, finally, looked up to meet the gaze of Doctor Jones.

"Excellent job, Doctor Mathews. If you want to step aside, I'll take it from here," he suggested, as she gently returned to the heart to the Thoracic Cavity.

"I'll be happy to," Riley replied, backing up and removing the gloves from her hands.

* * *

"I want a toxicology panel run to test for her anti-rejection medication," Riley told the nurse, when they had stepped out of Kelly's room, "My guess would be that she stopped taking it when she got pregnant."

"I'll get blood samples and take them to the lab," she promised, retreating down the hallway.

"That was certainly exciting," Doctor Jones informed her, as he stepped out of the room, "I'm going to have her transferred to my floor, so that I can monitor her, and we won't know how bad things are until I run some tests, but we appear to have a fighter."

"She has a baby to live for," Riley replied, wiping the sweat from her forehead with her wrist, "I'll have her chart transferred to you, but I don't think that it's complete."

"I'll take whatever I can get," he returned, following Riley in the direction of the nurse's station, "What you did was impressive. Do you have a background in Cardio?"

"No, I've only ever done Obstetrics and Gynecology," Riley replied.

"Well, if you ever get bored of it, you might give me a call," he suggested, continuing towards the elevator as Riley stopped at the nurse's station.

"Have you located Doctor Rector?" Riley questioned, leaning over the counter of the station.

"He was pulled into an emergency surgery, which is why his name wasn't on the OR board. He won't be done for another few hours," the Health Unit Coordinator informed her and Riley let out a slightly hysterical laugh as she rested her head in her hands, "On another note, you're being requested in Jennifer Barlow's room. For someone who doesn't work here, you sure seem to be popular."

* * *

She doesn't like confrontation, she's never liked confrontation. She'd been running on pure anger when she'd gone to talk to Maya and everything with Lucas had been her lashing out in the wake of the hurt all of these new revelations had caused her.

This is different, because she knows that whatever Jennifer has to say to her, it is her fault. She had been the one to contact Josh to try and get ahold of Jennifer's family and she would be the one responsible for whatever fallout happened next.

She slowly twisted the handle of the doorknob and let herself in.

"Riley," Jennifer greeted her, from where she was laying in the hospital bed.

Riley scanned over the room and was relieved to find that Farkle wasn't there.

"How are you feeling?" Riley questioned, sinking down into a vacant chair.

"Tired, nauseated, confused," Jennifer listed, her eyes zeroing in on Riley at the last one, "You told me that you were going to be there for me through this, but I've barely seen you since I was admitted."

"I'm sorry," Riley apologized, forcing herself to meet Jennifer's gaze, "I'm trying to be your doctor and your friend, but it's almost impossible to be both at the same time."

"So, where does that leave us?" Jennifer questioned, her hand settling protectively over her stomach.

"I think it's time to contact your family," Riley revealed, leaning back in her seat, "You need people who can support you that aren't constantly weighing the science and medical risks in their head. You need people who really know you and would know how to care for you and what you want…."

"In the event that this goes badly," Jennifer finished, her eyes dropping to the thin, blue bedspread, "You think something bad is going to happen."

"I hope that it won't," Riley replied, wishing that she could offer assurances and promises, "But as hard as I've tried to be there for you, it takes time for someone to become family and we're not there, yet. I don't know what the right decisions _for you_ would be and, as your doctor, I shouldn't be making those decisions, anyway."

"Then, you're fired," Jennifer's voice took on an edge, "There are plenty of OBGYN's out there and Doctor Rector will be performing the surgery, anyway."

"Okay," Riley agreed, "But that doesn't change my opinion."

"You don't know who I was before I came to Wyoming. I had a sister, who was perfect, except for her problems with alcohol, which my parents refused to see. I spent my entire childhood, trying to live up to what Olivia was and when I realized that I was never going to, I deliberately did everything that I could to be different from her. I gave up piano and I started going to school for nursing, but when that got too hard, I quit. To my parents, I'm someone who has never finished anything that I started and I treated my sister horribly, I did unforgiveable things," Jennifer trailed off as her emotions overcame her.

"That doesn't mean that they wouldn't want to be here for you through this," Riley pointed out, "You're not the person that you were before you came to Wyoming, anymore. You're choosing to do what's best for this baby, even though I know that it's terrifying and it isn't easy, and you're doing an amazing job of keeping things running at the practice. And, I know, that you miss your family. If you didn't, you wouldn't keep pictures of them on your desk."

"As much as I may miss them, it doesn't change what I've done. And, as soon as they see this baby, they'll know," Jennifer informed her, wiping at the tears on her face.

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation and Riley turned as someone new entered the room, "You said you wanted to know as soon as Doctor Rector was out of surgery."

"Thank you," Riley sighed, rubbing her temples, as the door closed.

"Is something going on?" Jennifer questioned, looking at Riley in concern.

"Yes, but it doesn't have anything to do with you," Riley assured her, standing up from her chair.

Farkle had told her that she needed to tell Jennifer what she had done and part of her had selfishly hoped that he would end up doing it for her and she would just be left to deal with the fallout. Then, she'd entered this room and when she'd learned that he hadn't, she'd thought that she had a chance to convince Jennifer that calling them was her own idea and avoid the situation, altogether.

However, she knows that she can't just let Jennifer be blindsided when they show up. Whatever else she had done wrong in this situation, she could, at least, do this one thing right.

"There's something that you need to know," Riley admitted, folding her arms across her body, as she braced herself for Jennifer's reaction.

"What?" Jennifer sighed, her face going white.

"I asked someone to try and contact your family, I don't know if they've done it, but I asked them to," Riley revealed.

"Without talking to me about it?" Jennifer questioned.

"I thought it was the right thing to do," Riley admitted, the excuse feeling weak, after the conversation that they had just had.

"I'm not a pregnant teenager, I'm an adult," Jennifer reminded her, "You can't just go around making decisions for me because you think that they're the right thing to do."

"I wasn't trying to treat you like a child, but you've been looking at me to make decisions for you and I can't do that," Riley explained.

"Because you're my doctor," Jennifer reminded her, her eyes darkening.

"That's not what a doctor is supposed to do. I'm supposed to tell you your options and let you make a choice," Riley struggled to make her understand.

"Well, you didn't let me make this one," Jennifer argued, shaking her head, as she looked away from Riley.

"When and if they get here, you can request not to see them. The hospital won't give them your room number," Riley offered, letting her hands fall to her sides.

"Riley?" Jennifer called, as Riley opened the door to leave.

"Yes?" Riley spun around, wondering what more there could possibly be to say.

"There's no reason for you to come back, again. I'll handle the rest of this on my own," Jennifer's head was still turned away from her.

"Fine," Riley agreed, letting the door slam shut behind her.

* * *

She's still charged with leftover Adrenalin from her argument with Jennifer and her earlier emergency surgery, when she finally tracks Thor down in the locker room. The shower is running and steam has coated most of the mirrors, but as she glances down the aisles, she can't decide if she's relieved or uncomfortable that they're alone.

"Doctor Mathews," he greeted her, emerging from the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist.

She swallowed and immediately took a step back, "Did you know?"

"Know what?" he asked, though the tone of his voice alerted her to the fact that he knew exactly what she asking him.

"Did you know that Kelly Smith was a transplant patient?" Riley rephrased her question, placing her hands on her hips, as she waited for his answer.

"I gave you a list of symptoms and you formed the results," Thor evaded the question, moving between a row of lockers to change.

"You didn't give me all of the facts. She could have died, today, because I didn't know what was going on," Riley pointed out, unwilling to follow him.

"But she didn't, I heard that you performed a textbook Thoracotomy," he offered, reappearing in only a pair of jeans, "And I didn't plan for you to be put in that situation."

"You were the one who told me that I was in the wrong career if I wanted predictability. I wasn't your student in that OR, I was your colleague, and letting me go in there and perform a surgery without the right diagnosis was blatant negligence," she hissed, her anger flaring up within her.

"Her diagnosis was that she was pregnant and your surgery was to remove her baby, I didn't ask you to do anything beyond your scope of practice. The baby had to be delivered and, now, they both have a fighting chance of making it. You saved a life, Mathews, don't make this something that it isn't," he suggested and her hands bunched into fists at his cavalier attitude.

"I'm giving you a chance to tell me why I shouldn't report you to the ethics board," Riley offered, "They would take your license for this."

"Because I was protecting you," he informed her, taking a step forward.

"How does deliberately misleading me, protect me?" Riley demanded, looking at him incredulously.

"Because she never should have been allowed to go through fertility treatments after she had that heart transplant. It's disrespectful to the person who died and chose to donate their heart to her and it put both her and that baby at risk. If anyone decides to look into this, there's plenty of places to look for negligence. But, when they ask you, you can honestly say that you didn't know what was going on. You weren't involved in a cover-up. _You_ saved her life and whatever comes next, you're completely innocent of any wrongdoing."

"That doesn't make any sense," Riley informed him, taking a step back, as she found herself aware of their close proximity.

"I hope that it never does," he sighed, "But based off of the events of this evening, it's probably only a matter of time."

"You think that a bunch of cryptic comments are somehow going to justify all of this?" Riley questioned, wondering if he really had thought he could try and explain this situation away and Riley would somehow buy it.

"If I tell you the whole story, I'm going to put you in a position that you don't want to be in. I know that you have no reason to trust me, but I had to have you perform that surgery and you couldn't know the entire story. It's not fair to you and it probably isn't right, but it's on me," he offered, his eyes willing her to understand.

"Jennifer just fired me as her doctor," Riley informed him, "So, there's no reason for us to see each other, again."

"Maybe, not, but that doesn't mean that we won't," he disagreed, "You have a way of popping up in my life and sooner or later, maybe we'll get the timing right."

She'd said something similar to Lucas just hours ago, about timing, but it sounds different coming from Thor. He'd always been the attractive, unattainable senior, who Maya and her had admired for afar. Then, she'd found him on the steps and he'd been a mystery to solve. The last couple of days, she'd seen him as the path that her life might have taken if she hadn't let her feelings for Lucas chase her out of the city.

But, looking at him, now, he's no longer the legend that she'd admired from afar, he's someone arrogant enough to believe that he can bend the rules without any consequences for his actions. Lucas may have lied to her, but he'd never used her.

"We might see each other again," Riley conceded, surprised to find that his effect on her had evaporated within the course of their conversation, "But there's nothing to, 'Get right,' between us. Walking away from you gets easier every time that I do it."

Riley turned around and left the locker room, feeling his eyes on her back the entire way.

* * *

 **I had a really hard time with this chapter, I knew where it needed to go, but it was hard trying to get there. I was editing this at an insanely early hour, so I apologize for any mistakes that may be in this. Thanks for reading and I would love it if you would review!**


	17. It's Not Over

She'd forgotten what it felt like to come off of a shift at Mount Sinai. It was a mixture of pent-up energy that came from the appreciation of being alive and exhaustion from the constant running. For the longest time, it had been easy to get caught up in it and to completely lose herself and her problems, but this time around it feels like the source of a good number of them.

Ever since she had left New York, she'd wondered about the opportunity that she had left behind. She'd had a chance to leave her mark on history, as a surgeon in a barely developed field, but she'd walked away from it in a moment completely ruled by her emotions.

The biggest part of her identity in her adult life had been her career; it had added a title to her name, given her a purpose, given her something to hold onto when everything felt like it was falling apart. Now, she was likely to lose her license and even, if by some miracle, she didn't, she still was part of a failing practice in the middle of nowhere Wyoming.

Riley ascended the familiar steps that her feet hadn't touched in years, fully expecting the door to be locked. However, it pulled open and she found herself back in the halls where she'd spent three years trying to decide who she was.

The lights were dimmed and the classrooms closed, but that didn't stop her from running her hands over the yellow and red lockers and getting caught up in the memories that she hadn't indulged in for years.

She could see Maya slamming her locker door and her father coming out to yell at her for getting chalk in his eyes, over there was where Yogi had come barreling down the hall in roller-skates before Charlie had asked her to the dance, and there was where Lucas had swept her up onto the back of a white horse to help her live her very own fairytale.

Things hadn't felt simple, then, but she'd love to have these kinds of problems back.

"Hey," Lucas greeted her, from where he was seated in the Legacy bench. The fabric was stained and worn thin in some places, but she could still pick out her purple cat in the corner and the plaque that had all of their names in it.

"Hi," Riley offered, sinking down next to him.

"Hey," he repeated and she smiled at the memory.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, leaning back in the seat.

"I went to talk to Farkle," Lucas admitted, "And, after, I was walking around and somehow ended up here. You know, this is the bench where all of the problems of the universe were supposed to be solved."

"It has nothing on my Bay Window," Riley joked, her hand tracing the cushion under her.

"What are you doing here?" he echoed her question and she bit her lip, as she thought through her reply.

"There was a moment, today, where I was holding someone's heart in my hands and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it start beating again. A thoracotomy is your last option before you have to give up and admit that your patient is dead and, most of the time, it doesn't work. But, for some reason, her heart started beating and I could feel it pulsing in my palm. And, if I have to stop practicing medicine, that's a pretty good way to end it. But, I'm not ready for it to end. So, I guess I came here to remind myself that some endings are only the beginning."

"Farkle isn't happy, but he hasn't reported you," Lucas informed her, running a hand through his hair.

"If he doesn't, Jennifer will. She fired me as her doctor and she was right. I just couldn't separate myself from her. I look at her and it reminds me of how badly I wish that Lydia had told someone in my family about my miscarriage. I wish the truth would have come out, when it should have," Riley admitted, her eyes flickering to his before going back to the tiled floor, "You had a right to know what happened to our baby, you had a right to know that I was pregnant and I kept that from you. That should have been unforgiveable, but you forgave me, anyway."

"Because whatever mistakes we've made, I still love you and under the anger and the frustration and the pain I've tried to cover it up with, that love is always there waiting," Lucas confessed, his hand tentatively reaching over to brush against where hers was resting on the bench.

"We've made so many mistakes, Lucas. How do we come back from them?" Riley asked, her eyes meeting his.

"I don't know," Lucas admitted, his eyes flickering away, before they made their way back to hers, "But I know that I'm not ready to give up, yet."

"I just keep trying to make sense of all of this in my head. You chose Maya because you knew that she would let you self-destruct and, then, the two of you broke up in college and just when I started to believe that, maybe, we had a chance together, again, you transferred to Cornell," Riley rambled, not filtering any of the thoughts running through her head.

"Because I didn't think that I deserved you. Everything with Maya, was so unhealthy and messed up in college. I was drinking too much and she was missing Josh and trying to stay sober. I wasn't a good person, Riley, and then you came to my door and you wanted to tell me about that baby you delivered. It was exactly like that moment on the subway, when you fell into my lap and you taught me to hope again, you made me want to be the kind of person that was worthy of the way you saw me. But, I knew that I couldn't let us fall into things the way that we did the first time, or it would end up the same way. So, I transferred to Cornell, to get my act together. I stopped going to parties and I dedicated myself to school work. I, even, got a job at a local animal shelter. And, when I knew that I could be the person that you deserved, I was going to try and win you back."

"So, then, why didn't I see you, again, until Pappy Joe died?" Riley pointed out.

"Because I thought that you had moved on. Everything that I heard about you, was that you were happy and dating around and living your life. And, I didn't want to be the thing that dragged you down. It wasn't until you suggested that we spend that summer pretending that I realized I still had a chance," Lucas explained, his voice rising with the intensity of his words, "And, then I spent the next four years chasing you, while you did everything in your power to push me away. I know that we're never going to be what we were in middle school or high school, but we got a second chance, for a reason. We could have gone our separate ways and completely lost each other, after you decided to move, but, you were pregnant. And I don't believe that was an accident. We always find each other, no matter how much distance comes between us or how many mistakes we make, it always ends up you and me."

"Like fate's just waiting for us to get this right," Riley offered, staring at her lap, as she processed his words.

"I don't want you to choose to be with me because you think it's what you're supposed to do. I don't want to force you into this, but if you can look passed the anger and the hurt that I've caused you and still love me, I will spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to show you that you are all that I've ever wanted and all that I ever will want." Lucas's fingers brushed against hers, again, before he, slowly, stood up.

"Where are you going?" she asked, feeling as though her heart were trying to pull itself out of her chest in an effort to follow him.

"I figured that you probably need some time to think through your options and I probably owe it to my father to stop in and see him, while I'm in the city," Lucas explained, looking tired by the thought, "I dropped your things off at your parents, just like you asked."

She watched him walk away, his shoulders sagging under the weight that he was carrying. She wanted to run after him, to find some way to make this, right. But, instead, she stares at his receding back and wonders why she can't let go of the past, when all it's doing is ruining her future.

* * *

Riley slipped her rarely used house key to her childhood home into the door and let herself in, momentarily relieved to find that it looked exactly how she thought it should. Her parents had gotten a new couch, since she'd left for Wyoming and there were several pictures of the twins hung up on the wall, but it was still filled with the essence of what home should feel like and it welcomed her in.

"I wondered when you'd get here," Topanga offered, from where she was settled at the kitchen table, surrounded by casefiles for the firm.

"I was working up to it," Riley admitted, closing the door behind her.

"Well?" Topanga asked, setting her work aside and giving Riley her full attention.

"Well, what?" Riley returned, crossing the room to the kitchen.

"Josh called to warn me that you'd been to see Maya, so I figure that it's my turn to be chewed out," she replied, her hands gesturing for Riley to go ahead.

"Did you know about Josh's book?" Riley questioned, sinking down across from her at the table. She's too tired to work up the appropriate amount of anger and all she really wants to do is fall asleep in her bed and hide under the veil of unconsciousness until all of her problems go away.

"Not until he called me this week," Topanga replied, moving several files aside, to show Riley the book, which had a torn piece of paper that was marking her place somewhere in the middle.

"It quite the read, isn't it?" Riley offered, rubbing her eyes and smearing her hands with mascara and eyeliner.

"It's one side of the story," Topanga returned, folding her hands on the table and leaning back.

"Why didn't you tell me that Dad testified against Maya in her hearing?" Riley asked.

"At the time, we told ourselves that it was because we didn't want you to have to choose between your parents and your best friend. Maya was making bad decisions and we knew that you had a tendency to follow her into things and to try to pull her out of them. But, now, I've realized that we made that decision out of fear. We were afraid of losing you and, so, we didn't tell you what was going on."

"And that summer that Maya spent with Lucas?"

"That was because I knew how badly it would hurt you; I knew how badly you took your breakup and I didn't want to drag up all of those feelings again," Topanga sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "The hardest thing you do as a parent is watch your kids hurt."

"Did you ever think that maybe it would have helped me if you didn't raise me to be so protected? To expect fairytales and 'happily ever afters' out of life, when that's the exception and not the rule?"

"There are plenty of people in this world who are jaded and damaged, Riley. What the world needed was someone who could hope, who could see the best in people, who could believe. We raised you to the best of our ability and, while I'm sure we didn't always make the best decision, we did our best," Topanga sighed.

"A year ago, I would have been furious at you for how much you and Dad chose to keep from me," Riley admitted, "But, now, I have two children, who I would do anything for, to keep them from feeling the kind of pain that finding out what really happened has caused me. I don't know if what you and Dad did was the right thing, but I do know that you did it because you didn't want me to get hurt and I hope that someday, when I do something that _my_ daughter doesn't agree with, she'll be able to see the same thing."

"I had a lot of hopes about what kind of a person you would become when you grew up," Topanga admitted, tears gathering in her eyes, as she stared at Riley across the table, "And you have surpassed every, single one of them."

"I love you, Mom," Riley reached across the table to squeeze her mother's hand.

"I love you, too."

* * *

Her childhood bedroom hadn't changed, on the surface. The bedspread was the same, though it had faded through the years and The Bay Window was still the focal point of the room. It's when you open the closet and see stuffed animals packed away in boxes and childhood mementos that you realize that the girl who once lived there had long, since left her childhood behind.

Her suitcase had been set at the edge of her bed and she laid it out on the bed, selecting her pajamas and grabbing her bag of toiletries before she headed to the bathroom to get ready.

She mechanically changed and brushed her teeth, before using a wipe to remove the smeared makeup from her face and staring at the person under the mask. There's no doubting that she's starting to age; she can see it in the laugh lines that have started to form around her mouth and her hand reaches up to brush over them, before she notices the scar that was her last reminder of the night that Blake had died.

It had faded over time, and, now, she barely noticed it. She'd somehow come to accept that it was a part of her, despite the vain part of her that had wondered if it would leave some kind of permanent mark on her beauty.

When people used to tell her that life was short, she'd somewhat believed them, but growing up had seemed to take such a long time. Now, it felt like she'd blinked and suddenly found that the time was quickly escaping her and slipping away.

She cupped her hands under the running faucet and let the water splash over her face.

* * *

She's not sure when the last time anyone sat in The Bay Window and made a decision was, but she finds herself curling up among the decorative pillows and stretching out across the bench. She can see the street below out of the corner of her eye, before she leans back to stare up at the ceiling.

This was the place where she had always gone to try and figure out her feelings for Lucas. It was where she'd talked about him with Maya, where she'd first told Lucas that she loved him, where she'd realized that it was time to let him go. He was an important person in her life; the father of her children and she can't imagine a life without him in it.

But, so much of their relationship had been tainted with knowing that he was keeping things from her.

She felt tears gathering in her eyes and she wiped them away with her hand, before adjusting her position again. There was something digging into her back, and, while The Bay Window was old, she was pretty sure that it had never had springs.

She reached behind her and was surprised to find that there was a spiral bound notebook that had been concealed behind one of the pillows. She pulled it out and ran her fingers over the yellow cover, before she held it up in the window to read the note that had been stuck to the front:

 _For when you're making your decision._

She would recognize Lucas's handwriting, anywhere, and, somehow, he had known that she would end up back in that window, trying to decide what she should do.

He would have had to have left it there earlier that afternoon when he had dropped his things off. It probably wasn't all that far of stretch to figure out that she would eventually end up in that window seat, but she's touched by the gesture all the same.

They'd always been in synch, whether it was ending up in a Subway car together, or returning to their middle school, as they struggled to lay the past to rest. They'd been given a string of second chances to try and get their relationship back on track and sooner or later, those chances were going to run out.

She needed to make a decision, and she needed to do it before there was nothing left to salvage.

* * *

The sun is just barely rising when she wakes up, the notebook still clutched to her chest. She's still exhausted and she's pretty sure that it will take her days to catch up on the sleep she's missed when she returns home, but she forces herself to get up.

There's a text message from Lucas on her phone, letting her know that he'd spent the night with his father and she sighs, as she rubs the sleep from her eyes and sets her phone on top of the notebook.

"You're up early," her father greeted her, when she entered the kitchen and she guessed that her mother must have mentioned that Riley was there when he had gotten in the night before. He'd been out with Shawn and Auggie hunting for a Christmas tree and from the giant green thing that was taking up half the living room, she guessed that they had found one.

"I couldn't sleep," Riley admitted, pulling open the fridge.

"Your mother's going to start on dinner soon and Katy's coming over to help her, Maya had to work this morning, but she's hoping to come with Josh and ," Cory informed her, taking a sip of whatever he was drinking.

It's at that moment that the date hits her and she freezes, as she struggles to process everything, before forcing herself to shrug it off.

"Oh," Riley offered, noncommittally, grabbing the milk from the fridge and moving over to the counter.

"Will you be joining us?" Cory continued, apparently deciding not to press about Maya. Maybe her mother had said something to him.

She'd spent the last few years working over Thanksgiving and she can't really remember the last time she sat down for an all-out Mathews' Thanksgiving feast. But with the tension, it might be more likely to be a brawl then a time to be grateful for all that they have.

"I'll let you know," Riley decided, grabbing the cereal out of the cupboard.

"Riles?" he sighed, his tone demanding her attention. She recognized it from when he was trying to drill some life-lesson into his students' head and she slowly turned around to face him, "I've been teaching about World War II in class. Do you remember?"

"It would be a little hard to forget an entire world war, Dad," Riley pointed out, folding her arms across her chest.

"Do you remember why it started?" he pressed, his eyes holding her glued to her spot, as he tried to convey some deeper meaning.

"There were a lot of reasons," Riley offered, feeling like she was looking for a folder in her brain that she'd decided to throw out a long time ago, in an effort to make room for everything she'd learned in medical school.

"You're right, but a lot of it was because they weren't able to resolve things the first time around. When World War I ended, no one was ready to forgive and forget, so it stretched out into a second war," Cory explained.

"I'm not sure that you have a lot of room to weigh in here," Riley pointed out.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I've built an entire career off of a history and I'm just telling you what's going on in my life," Cory insisted, giving her an overly innocent look.

"Alright, Dad," she turned around, going back to making her cereal.

"Do you know what they called the year after World War II came to an end?" Cory questioned and Riley closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"What did they call it?" Riley asked, conveying her lack of enthusiasm in her tone of voice.

"They called it Year Zero. There had been so much damage and destruction, that their only options were to give up and die or rebuild everything from the ashes. And, when it comes down to it, the world's never been very good at giving up. So, these great nations decided to learn from the past in an effort to make sure that it wouldn't repeat and our own country came up with The Marshall Plan. We helped to rebuild our enemies in an effort to make sure that they would be our future allies because we knew that cutting off all ties wasn't an option, sooner or later we were all going to have to sit down and have Thanksgiving dinner with them."

"I'm pretty sure that our country is the only one that celebrates Thanksgiving," Riley reminded him, setting her bowl of cereal on the table.

"Family is family, Riles; we're stuck with them even when we're not sure that we want to be," he informed her, stealing her bowl and taking a bite.

"There was a lot of destruction during those wars, Daddy. How do you just get past all of that?" she questioned.

"One day at a time," he suggested, wiping the milk from his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket, "It's not easy, but the things that are worth it, rarely are. And nothing was ever the same as it was before, but the nice thing about having an entire nation leveled, is that you can build it back into whatever you want it to be."

"Thank you," she circled the table to plant a kiss on his cheek, before heading towards the door.

"Riley?" he stopped her again and she whirled around to face him, "I'm sorry for not being honest with you."

"I love you," she smiled, grabbing a jacket at random off of the coatrack and heading out into the early morning.

* * *

Riley slid into the booth and leaned back against the cracked vinyl seats, letting her eyes take in the people who were frequenting the diner at this late hour. There were a couple of teenagers in the back, probably trying to sober up before heading home and a guy with a half-eaten burger in front of him, who was twisting the wedding ring he was wearing on his left hand.

"His wife left him," a familiar voice informed her, pausing at the head of the table, "But he's not ready to let her go, yet."

"Maya," Riley greeted her, biting her lip, as she took in the blonde.

"What can I get for you?" she asked, pulling the notepad from the front pocket of her apron.

"How about an explanation, where I actually listen and you tell me the truth," Riley suggested, setting her hands in the middle of the table.

"I'll be right back," Maya offered, shoving the items back into her pocket and disappearing into the kitchen.

Riley heard the muffled sounds of a conversation, before Maya returned holding a plate of fries. She set them in the middle of the table, before slipping in across from Riley.

"Isn't it a little early to be serving French fries?" Riley questioned, looking at the plate.

"I put in a good word with the chef," the ghost of a smile hovered around Maya's mouth, "What do you want to know?"

"Why Lucas?" Riley questioned, "You knew how much I loved him, but you went after him, anyway."

"That summer, Lucas offered me a lifeline and I wasn't thinking about the consequences. But, everything, just spiraled out of control, after that. I think a part of me was jealous. You've always had everything that I've ever wanted and you've always been everything that I've wanted to be. You're an incredible doctor, and, even in high school, I knew that you were going to do amazing things, you have two parents who are so proud of you, and there's never been a moment, when Lucas hasn't loved you. So, when the chance came to have something that belonged to you, I couldn't stop myself from taking it," Maya admitted, staring intently at the table, "And it was a disaster. We became people that we didn't like when we were together and I was relieved when things finally ended."

"But, you went back to him again when you were pregnant?"

"Because all Josh had ever done was leave me and I knew that Lucas never would. I was the link he was using to stay close to you. It was easier to lie to myself, to ignore the glimpses that I got into what you were really feeling, than it was to look at myself and see what I had become. I didn't need to be around Lucas to be a person that I didn't like, that was who I became all on my own," Maya explained, still not looking up to where Riley was studying her.

"You seem different, since you got together with Josh," Riley offered, not sure how to proceed from there.

"After everything that happened with the trial, that was my chance to start over. I know that there are no guarantees with second chances, so I'm trying to make the most of mine," Maya admitted, stealing a fry from the edge of the plate and popping it into her mouth, "There's a lot that I can't make up for, but I'm going to try, anyway."

"I'm glad that you're happy," Riley offered, glancing away, as she felt the burning of tears start to gather in the corners of her eyes.

"I want you to be happy, too," Maya assured her, wiping at a stray tear that had run down her own face.

"You remember Jennifer, my receptionist?" Riley questioned, abruptly changing the subject.

"The one that Farkle was flirting with," Maya supplied, her head snapping up in surprise.

"She's your half-sister, the one that you never met," Riley informed her.

"Why are you telling me this?" the color drained from Maya's face.

"I don't know if anything in our friendship has been real in our adult lives, but you were once the most significant relationship that I had in my life. So, for old times' sake I figured that you deserved some heads up that Jennifer's in the city and the rest of her family, probably, will be soon. Josh's book was pretty vague when it came to how you ended things with them, but he seemed a little too weird when I asked him if he had any information on how to contact them, for, me, not to know that there's more going on, then what I know," Riley explained, standing up from the table to leave.

"Thanks," Maya offered, her eyes distant, as Riley started for the door, "Riles?"

Riley paused, her body shifting, as she turned around.

"I know that it probably doesn't count for much, but I am sorry for lying to you and I want you to be happy, even if that happiness doesn't include me," Maya offered, her voice choked with emotion.

"It's funny," Riley sighed, blinking tears from her own eyes.

"What is?"

"I was always jealous of you," Riley revealed, before turning and leaving the diner.

The bell above the door rang, as it closed behind her and she reached up to brush a stray tear from her face. She's not sure what to think of the encounter, but she's glad that when she goes home, her last memory of Maya won't be yelling at her in their old high school.

* * *

She's surprised that when she's standing outside of the Brownstone that Lucas's father lives in, that the memory running through her mind is that night outside of Lucas's dorm room, when she'd told him about the baby and felt like maybe they had a second chance.

Her heart is racing inside her chest and she can feel her hands shaking, before she bunches them into fists and forces herself to raise one hand to the door.

She'd always been terrified of Lucas's father. He was an intimidating man, with the same build as his son and a presence that filled an entire room. And, she's not entirely sure what will happen if it's him who answers the door.

However, it isn't Lucas or Travis, behind the door when the heavy wood is pulled out of the way.

"Hey, Doc," a smirk greeted her, as he stepped directly into the morning light.

She felt her blood run cold and her breath catch in her throat, as her flight or fight response started to kick in.

"Liam Vaughn?"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out. I've had to make some pretty big life decisions in the last little while, which has taken up most of my mind, when I haven't been dealing with school work. So, I've really struggled with finding the motivation and the inspiration to sit down and write. Then, on top of that, I had a ton of issues with my internet, but I'm writing again and I'm hoping to finish up a lot of my stories over the summer, when I have more free time.**

 **Thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story! I know that I've lost some readers along the way and, so, I greatly appreciate everyone that's still around.** **For anyone that is waiting on an update for _Infamy,_ I decided to make a major plot change when it comes to Zay, so I'm in the process of revising my outline before I update this next chapter (Which is the Zay chapter) and titled _Last Call._ I'm pretty excited about it. ****And for anyone wondering about _Heat Stroke_ I'm hopeful that I'm going to be able to get back into it over the next few weeks, since I'm about to reveal exactly how Liam fits into things over there, in the next few chapters over here. **

**Once again, thanks for taking the time to read this and I would love it if you would leave me a review! They really do help motivate me to keep going, when I'm ready to just throw in the towel and give up!**


	18. Setting Fires

**Recap: It is Thanksgiving Day and it will probably be one to remember. I'll break it down by character:**

 **Lucas-Just drove across the country to try and fix things with Riley after she discovered everything that he hadn't told her over the years. On his journey, he learned that Maya is back in renal failure and is going to need a transplant kidney. On the same phone call, we discovered that Lucas's mother has been in contact with Olivia, Maya's half-sister, who Maya had a falling out with. Last chapter he spent the night at his father's Brownstone and Riley was going to see him.**

 **Thor-Is about to perform a major surgery on Jennifer, Maya's other half-sister, and her unborn baby. He asked Riley to help with another patient's C-section and purposefully withheld information from Riley, which he claims was to protect her. However, the patient flat-lined, and Riley had to perform a thoracotomy to save her. She brought in a cardiology doctor to help and it looks like Thor's secrets might not stay buried for long and, now, Riley's tangled up in them, too.**

 **Josh-Notified Lucas of Maya's medical condition, even after Maya told him not to. Also, wrote a book that his family is just now reading. (Hopefully, you remember this part, because there's too much to recap there.)**

 **Maya-In kidney failure, currently on dialysis. She and Riley had a fight to end all fights and Riley returned her friendship ring. Last chapter, she and Riley had a semi-civil conversation and Riley admitted to her that her estranged family might be headed into the city. Josh, already, gave her his kidney, so her last two options are her sister, Olivia, or Riley.**

 **Farkle-Has had a flirtation with Jennifer and is mad at Riley for going behind their backs and contacting Jennifer's family. He threatened to report Riley for violating Jennifer's privacy, but revealed to Lucas in a conversation that happened off camera that he hadn't done it, yet. He, also, met with Smackle while he was in the city and was very vague on the details of what happened there. He's supposed to be helping Lydia with her divorce.**

 **Zay-Is back in Wyoming helping to care for Riley and Lucas's twins with Roy, Lydia, and his possible girlfriend Isla. Was recently in a car accident.**

 **Auggie-Just admitted to Riley that he kissed someone who wasn't Ava. Has been hanging out with Hailey, who is Roy's daughter from Riley's medical practice. No, I'm not even trying to be subtle about this, anymore.**

 **Riley-She's upset by how long it's taking her to lose the baby weight from the last story. She's been trying to decide how to fix things with Lucas and massively panicking about the future. She's worried that her practice is failing because she's been losing patients, she could lose her medical license for what happened with Jennifer, and she's not sure what just happened with Thor. (Though she did tell him that she wasn't interested in pursuing their flirtation any further). Last chapter, she had just gone to talk with Lucas and who should open the door, but Liam Vaughn, who she kissed way back in the first chapter of LOM. He's, also, the guy who almost got her killed because he owed money to some shady people and they thought Riley's children were his. And, if you're reading Heat Stroke, Liam is currently flirting with Maya and teaching her about art forgery. He, also, enjoys bashing Lucas's father every chance he can get. So, what's he doing at Lucas's father's house?**

* * *

She's surprised that when she's standing outside of the Brownstone that Lucas's father lives in, that the memory running through her mind is that night outside of Lucas's dorm room, when she'd told him about the baby and felt like maybe they had a second chance.

Her heart is racing inside her chest and she can feel her hands shaking, before she bunches them into fists and forces herself to raise one hand to the door.

She'd always been terrified of Lucas's father. He was an intimidating man, with the same build as his son and a presence that filled an entire room. And, she's not entirely sure what will happen if it's him who answers the door.

However, it isn't Lucas or Travis, behind the door when the heavy wood is pulled out of the way.

"Hey, Doc," a smirk greeted her, as he stepped directly into the morning light.

She felt her blood run cold and her breath catch in her throat, as her flight or fight response started to kick in.

"Liam Vaughn?"

"I wouldn't say that name too loudly," he suggested, grabbing her arm and tugging her into the entryway.

She could feel her head spinning and she immediately pulled her arm out of his grip.

The lights were off and the only illumination was the natural light that escaped from the front room. Her eyes immediately scanned over her surroundings, as she wondered if she'd somehow stepped into another dimension. There was the vintage alcohol in the corner and the bookshelves that lined the wall. Everything was black-leather and dark wood and she immediately felt out of place.

"What are you doing here?" she managed to regain speech, as she took a step backwards towards the door. It required stepping closer to him and she was overwhelmed with the stench of cigarette smoke.

Had he tasted like cigarettes the night that she'd kissed him? It feels like a lifetime ago.

"I'm a friend of the family. You?" he offered, casually, looking amused over her obvious discomfort.

"Riley?" Lucas's voice interrupted them, drifting from the top of the stairs. He looked like he'd just gotten up and she was reminded that he'd just driven halfway across the country in a matter of days and was probably catching up on sleep.

That didn't explain what he was doing here with the man who had almost gotten her killed. Whose actions had led to the death of one of her best friends.

Her eyes flickered between the two, just as her back hit the front door and her hands clasped the doorknob. It took her a split second to twist it and yank the door open, before she was taking the front steps two at a time and darting down the street.

She could hear the footsteps behind her; quickly catching up and she rounded a corner, looking for anywhere to hide. But, short of knocking on the doors of private residences she was out of luck.

A hand closed around her wrist and she shuddered, as she was pulled against a hard chest. Except, it was familiar. She'd spent most of her life, in proximity to that chest and those arms.

"What's going on?" Lucas questioned, and she buried her head in his t-shirt, breathing in the smell of safety.

"What's he doing here, Lucas?" Riley questioned; pulling away to look at his face. Her heart is still racing and she's out of breath, but he looks barely phased at chasing her through the city streets in what amounts to his pajamas.

"Nate? Did he say something?" Lucas demanded; his eyes lighting up as the fuse was lit.

"He said he was a friend of the family," Riley prompted; her hands probably holding his forearms tightly enough to leave bruises.

"Not exactly. Look, can we talk somewhere that's not this public?"

"I can't go back there," Riley dropped his arms, her hands going up to wrap protectively around herself, as she took a step away from him.

"Okay," Lucas agreed; taking on the demeanor he used when he was dealing with a scared animal, "What did he do to you?"

Her eyes filled with tears, as she relived the night of Blake's death all over again. She could see the blood sinking into the hardwood and feel the man's arm as he'd grabbed her. The terror that was filling her throat was enough to choke her and she wondered if she was about to throw up.

"Riley," Lucas voice was a whisper, as he took a step forward and reached for her. His hand brushed her hair out of her face, forcing her to meet his gaze, as he tried to read her emotions, "You're safe. I'm not going to let him anywhere near you, I promise."

He gently, pulled her back into his arms and she turned her head, as she rested against his chest. One of his hands was cradling her head and the other traced soothing patterns along her lower back. The tears that she'd been holding back, quickly spilled from her eyes and ran down her face.

Once they start, she can't get them to stop. Her body heaves with sobs and Lucas's arms tighten around her, in response.

"I missed you," she whispered, her voice choked with emotion and muffled in his shoulder.

"I missed you, too."

She's not sure how long they stand there; as she falls apart and he holds her together.

They don't let go even after her tears have dried and her breathing has evened out. She can't remember the last time that he held her like this or the last time that she let him.

"Can we get out of here?" she whispered, pulling back just enough that she could look up at him.

"I left my wallet and my bag back at the house, I need to go back and get it," Lucas informed her, his body tensing as he waited for her reaction.

"I don't," she hesitated, "I can't- "

"Will you wait here for me?" he suggested.

"Are you going to come back in the same condition you leave in?" Riley questioned, observing him for signs of his infamous temper.

His eyes were steady; the same shade as the ocean before a storm, but she can't feel the heat of anger radiating off of him. He looks mostly conflicted.

"I'm not going to start a fight," he assured her.

"I can't lose you," she whispered, her hands tightening on his forearms.

"Give me five minutes, Riles," he promises her, his voice caressing the sound of her name.

"Okay," she agrees, though he makes no move to pull away from her.

Her hand follows his, as he reached up to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and her eyes trace the curve of his face, before his hand drops and he backs away. He maintains eye contact for another three steps and then turns around and continues back the way he came.

The seconds start adding up in her head; feeling like an eternity.

It doesn't take long before visions of Lucas bleeding to death run through her mind; his blood soaking through his clothes, spilling onto the floor and permanently leaving a stain; her hands not enough to save him. She can see his face, pale and expressionless, unanimated.

 _Her_ Lucas ceasing to exist or existing somewhere that she wasn't.

The idea is unthinkable.

Her phone starts to vibrate in the pocket of her coat and she fishes it out, surprised and sick to find Mount Sinai flashing across her screen. She lets the call ring and go to voicemail, feeling her heart clench with each vibration.

If they were going to sue her, she would be served and if she was about to be brought up in front of an ethics board, they would have to notify her in print.

A new voicemail flashes across her phone and the nausea from earlier returns full-force.

"You need a lift?" Riley jumps as Lucas's truck pulls up to the curb. It doesn't really fit in the neighborhood, but neither do they.

She pulls the door open and steps up into the cab, struggling with the shaking that she can't seem to steady. She slips her coat off of her shoulders and leans back against the seat.

"You okay?" Lucas questioned, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. He doesn't put the car in drive and she knows exactly what's coming.

"I don't know," she sighed, letting her head fall against the headrest, "I want to go home. I miss our kids. I want to sleep in our bed."

"Our bed?" he repeated, something like hope reflecting in his eyes.

"We're not done, Lucas. We've never been done," Riley admitted, feeling incredibly exposed, despite knowing that he wasn't going to reject her.

"It kills me that I keep hurting you, when all I've ever wanted to do was protect you," he sighed, his knuckles going white from where they're positioned on the wheel. Before she can come up with a response, he moves on, abruptly changing the subject, "You want to tell me what Nate said to upset you?"

"How do you know him?" Riley dodged the question, not entirely surprised to discover that Liam was going by another name.

"He's the son of my father's campaign manager. My father and Nate's mother have had an _understanding_ , for a while," Lucas explained, keeping his voice neutral.

"Not a political understanding?"

"More biblical," he replied; the slightest tensing around his eyes, her only clue of just how much it bothered him.

"And he's been staying with your father?" Riley pressed.

"I didn't know he was there, until I went over last night. It looks like he's been staying there for a while," Lucas admitted, "Which is strange considering that he's not exactly my father's biggest fan."

"Well, you only have so many options when you're wanted for questioning by law enforcement and wanted dead by whoever it was that killed Blake," Riley offered, trying to keep her emotions from getting the better of her, again.

"What do you mean?" Lucas turned his entire body towards her and she felt her earlier sickness churning in her stomach.

She'd glossed over most of the facts when she'd talked to him about what happened the night that Blake died. He'd held her on nights that she'd woken up shaking in fear over nightmares of what had happened, never pressing her for details, but always there. She probably should have sat him down and explained everything, but she'd wanted so badly to get things normal.

It dawns on her that most of Lucas's secrets had all been laid out in a neat row for her to look at, all at once. Hers are still her own; little ones that he doesn't even think to ask her for. It meant he, either, really trusts her or loves her too much to care about her mistakes.

And what does it say about her that she can't do the same?

"When I met him, he was going by the name of Liam Vaughn. He worked as a mechanic; he was known for drinking too much and getting into trouble," Riley explained, her gaze focused on her lap, "He used to show up at the practice and I would stitch him up after a bar fight. He flirted with me, I ignored his advances. Until, the night I received your wedding announcement."

"What happened?" Lucas pressed, his voice carrying no hint of what he was feeling.

"We kissed. It only happened the once, but someone must have seen us together. The night that Blake was shot they were looking for him. They thought that the babies were his, that I was trying to protect him," Riley choked the words out.

"You're sure that Nate and Liam are the same person, that Nate didn't just remind you of him, or something?" Lucas questioned and Riley finally found the courage to look up.

"He recognized me first," Riley admitted, picking up on the anger that was lurking right under the surface of his gaze. She can't remember the last time that she saw him truly angry, but she can feel the tension, now. It's the same tension that promises retaliation and impulse.

She reaches over and rests her hand on his knee, watching as it snaps him out of whatever thoughts have been running through his head and his head moves forward until his forehead is resting against hers.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, their breaths mixing in the inches between them, "I should have been there that night to protect you, I should have been there before any of this even had the chance to happen."

"You're not the only one that messed _us_ up, Lucas," Riley reminded him, "I'm the one that keeps pushing you away, that can't let go of the past."

"So, where does that leave us?" Lucas whispered.

"Right here," her hands reached up to cup his face, tracing the familiar structure of his jaw, "You, me, the front seat of your truck."

She's not sure who closes the distance first, but she hears the click, as he undoes his seatbelt and then his hands are on her waist, pulling her closer. Their lips meet somewhere in the middle and it's the feeling of finally being home. Her hands move from his jaw into his hair and his tease the skin between her shirt and her jeans.

She'd forgotten just how in synch they had always been. He knew her in all the ways that counted and she can't believe that she'd ever forgotten that she knew the same.

"Love you," his voice is a breathless whisper, as he leaves her lips to leave a trail of kisses down her jawline to her neck, her hands tightening in his hair, as she struggles not to lose herself completely in him.

Her phone had dropped to the floor at some point, but she's not aware of it, until she hears the buzzing. It's made louder against the rubber mat that lines the floor of Lucas's truck and he pauses to reach down and grab it.

"Doctor Christopher Rector. He's called four times and Mount Sinai has called three," Lucas offered, handing her the phone before moving back to the driver's seat.

Her heart is still racing and she's not sure whether it's from the activities they had been engaging in or the thought of answering her phone, but she hits the green button and holds the phone up to her ear, "Hello?"

"I need to see you, _now_ ," he starts talking without any preamble, "Kelly Smith just died and her sister is talking about suing."

"You said that I was protected in all of this," Riley reminded him, her heart feeling heavy inside of her chest.

"That was before you were the one to crack her chest open. The hospital is looking for someone to blame and you're the doctor that just did an unauthorized procedure. We need to get our stories straight and we don't have a lot of time."

"Can you meet me at _Topanga's._ It's closed for the holiday, but I have a key," she suggested, glancing at Lucas out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm on my way," Thor agreed; ending the call.

Before she can explain the situation to Lucas, she's already yanked the door open and is losing her breakfast in the gutter; heaving until her throat burns with acid and her abdominal muscles ache painfully.

She can feel Lucas behind her; pulling her hair out of her face and holding her, so that she doesn't fall out into the street, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against her waist.

"Is it Jennifer?" he asks, hesitantly, when she's finally managed to get ahold of herself.

"I held someone's heart in my hands and, now, they're dead."

* * *

He doesn't let go of her hand the entire ride, though he can't pull her out of the dark place that her thoughts have suddenly gone in. With every blink, she sees Kelly alive and pregnant, cut open in her hospital bed, her heart in Riley's hands, and, then, there's another woman's body, bleeding to death through Riley's fingers on the side of the road.

Everywhere she looks; someone is dying.

Lucas's eyes have been flickering between her and the road for most of the drive and she's not surprised when she doesn't see any judgement in his gaze. But, she can't help wondering why someone else can't look at her with disappointment, so she doesn't have to do it to herself.

"You want to give me some context?" he suggested; apparently giving up on her speaking to him herself.

"The hospital is looking for a scapegoat for her death. They're required to protect Doctor Rector, since he's on their staff, but they don't have any obligation to me."

"They have to see that you were doing the right thing, though, don't they? You were the one that saved her life," Lucas argued, his voice rising with his emotions.

"I didn't save her life; she's dead," Riley reminded him, tears gathering in her eyes, that she quickly blinked away.

"Riley," he sighed, the anger fading from his voice. His thumb runs over the inside of her wrist and it's all she can do to keep from breaking down again.

"I need to call Smackle and see if she has any connections that I can use. I'm going to need a lawyer before I go in to talk to the hospital," Riley released his hand, struggling with unlocking the screen of her phone.

She found Smackle's contact information and groaned in frustration when she was sent straight to voicemail. She let her phone fall into her lap and clasped her hands together in an effort to stop the shaking that was suddenly running like a current through her body.

"How bad is this?" Lucas questioned; worry clouding his gaze.

"It's bad," Riley admitted, "It's really bad."

He finds a place to park and they listen to the silence; absorbing the calm before the storm.

"We're beyond me just losing my license, now. My malpractice insurance isn't even for this state and we're already how many hundred-thousand dollars in debt? They could take the house, the cars, everything, Lucas. And I could be brought up on criminal charges," Riley listed; the scenarios playing out in vivid color across her mind.

"The house is in my name, remember? We're not married, so, they can't just take it. My truck's safe for the same reasons. And, if you think I would ever let anyone send you to jail, then you don't know me very well. I will do whatever it takes to keep you and our family safe. We're going to get through this and whatever way this plays out; it's still you and me."

He leaves the words unspoken, but she already can see him planning out escape routes; calculating how long it would take them to get over the border, where they could go that wouldn't have extradition.

"I should have stayed home with you. We should be having dinner right now, surrounded by our family. I was so stupid," she groaned.

"You were trying to do the right thing," he reminded her.

He rounded the car to pull her door open and she slid out onto the pavement; burying herself into his chest. She had just gotten him back and, now, she was looking at losing him all over again.

"I need you to promise me that whatever happens, you're going to put Summer and Mathew first. You put their needs before me," she whispered; pulling away enough that she could see his face.

"They need you," he countered.

"I know," she felt her eyes sting with unshed tears.

She was a horrible mother. She'd put her career and her patients' over what she needed to do for her family, over being there for her family. She'd done the exact thing she'd been arguing with Lucas about. And, now, it had the potential of costing her everything.

He grabbed her face in both of his hands, "Come back to me, Riles."

The motion jolted her from her thoughts and she nodded several times; gripping his hand tightly, as they made their way towards the stairs to the bakery.

She realizes a second too late that she hadn't ever mentioned to Lucas who they were actually meeting with.

Thor's sitting at one of the outdoor tables; his arms folded tightly across his chest and his gaze focused intently on the ground. He looks up when Lucas grinds to a halt on the steps and their eyes lock.

"I didn't know you were in town," Thor offered, standing up and rising to his full height, "I thought that Riley left you back in Wyoming."

There's a familiar way that he says her name and she can tell from the tenseness in Lucas's shoulders that he's picked up on it.

Lucas may not have liked Charlie, he might have been jealous of Evan, but at the end of the day he'd always felt on equal footing with them. Thor is the only person that Riley's ever seen truly intimidate Lucas and she realizes in that moment what a mistake she's made.

* * *

 _I don't know if anything in our friendship has been real in our adult lives, but you were once the most significant relationship that I had in my life. So, for old times' sake I figured that you deserved some heads up that Jennifer's in the city and the rest of her family, probably, will be soon._

The words echo in her head as she clocks out and starts the walk towards the two-bedroom apartment that she's spent the last handful of months sharing with Josh and her son; building a life together. They were supposed to have an entire future.

Maya had been told once that she was going to die young, but she'd stopped believing it after she'd made it through her twenties. Surviving an overdose, then, a relapse, and nearly bleeding to death after delivering her son; had been enough to make her believe that maybe she had a shot at this life thing.

She should have known better. Life had never really cut her break, though, to be fair, she'd made most of it a lot more difficult than it needed to be.

But, this feels like some kind of cosmic joke.

 _You've won, Maya, you're marrying my uncle and you're a permanent part of my family, but that's your only connection to me, now. I've given you everything that I have to give and there's nothing left._

Riley's words are taunts inside of her head have run on replay the last few days. Through all of Josh's pleading that they tell Riley about her condition; ask her to give Maya another chance at life. She hadn't been willing to take anything else from Riley, even before Riley had admitted that there was nothing more she was capable of giving.

Maya was ready to die. That was the only option that she had left.

"Josh?" Maya called; pushing open the door to their apartment and kicking off her shoes in the entryway. It drove Josh crazy, but getting him riled up was half the fun.

"Hey, I just finished getting Noah dressed," Josh appeared from the hallway, "You want to shower before we head over?"

"Yes, you could probably get high cholesterol just from smelling me," she informed him; turning around, and pulling up her hair, so that he could undo the buttons in the back of her uniform.

They'd been through the routine enough times that it didn't require words for him to know what she wanted. He easily made his way through the first half of the buttons; his hands on her skin leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

He paused and pressed a kiss to the exposed skin at her shoulder, burying his nose in her neck, as his hands found their way around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

"Do you know how much I love you?" his breath tickles her skin and she lets her hair fall, as she spins around to face him.

She's expecting a smile or his eyes to be scanning her in that way he does that makes her knees weak, but is greeted instead with unshed tears.

He stares at her intently for what could have been an eternity and, then, he's talking, again, as if they're in the middle of a conversation, "I can't keep doing this, Maya. I can't keep pretending that everything is fine and that we're happy."

"We are happy," she cut him off, folding her arms across her chest, as she takes a step back from him. Her eyes are daring him to contradict her and she expects him to back down, as he has every other time he's tried to bring this up.

"You don't get to leave me, you don't get to just give up and die," he informed her, his voice rising with his emotions.

"I can't ask Riley for anything else," Maya reminded him, before realizing that she needed to head off his next argument, "And you can't either."

"I'm not talking about Riley," his tone is dark and she realizes what he's done, almost, before they're out of his mouth.

"You did something, didn't you? Riley said _they_ were in the city."

"I need you to live," he sighed, "Noah needs you to live. So, you don't get to be too prideful to ask your family for help."

"You think that it's pride keeping me from talking to them?" Maya snorted, her words coming out like thrown knives, "You weren't there when things with Olivia went down. You weren't there when everything fell apart. You don't know what happened."

"Because you've never told me," he reminded her.

She finished off the last half of the buttons at the back of her dress herself, shoving the material off of her and giving a wide length of space between the two of them, as she headed down the hallway and into their room.

She was aware that Josh was following her, but she refused to acknowledge him, as she pulled jeans and a shirt out of a drawer and headed into the bathroom.

He settles into the doorway, as she turns on the water, and is finally forced to turn around and face him.

"I would rather die; I would rather let you and Noah bury me, then go to them for help. That should tell you everything that you need to know about this situation, shouldn't it?"

"All it tells me is that you're stubborn and just as good at holding a grudge as you've always been. I'm going to do everything within my power to save you, even if I have to drag you into the hospital and strap you to a gurney myself."

The words sit between them and she watches as the anger drains from his eyes and all that's left is a fierce desperation. He'd asked her if she knew how much he loved her, but the truth is that she'd never let herself see the extent of it. She'd been willing to accept whatever her offered, but always felt like the second choice, in the back of her mind.

They'd raise their son together, be happy with what they had.

But, he'd never wanted children and he'd picked Bethany over her time and time, again. Everything that she had was circumstantial at best.

Except, for the way that he's looking at her, now. It's the gaze of a man who's about to lose everything and is willing to do anything and everything to hold onto it.

She's not sure how long they've been standing there when Josh's phone starts to go off and he pulls it out of the pocket of his sweats without breaking eye-contact with her and holds it up to his ear, "This is Josh."

He listens for a moment, before extending the phone out to her and she looks at him in confusion, "It's Farkle. He's been trying to get ahold of you, but you haven't been answering your phone."

She steps forward and takes the phone from him; feeling self-conscious, for the first time, that she's standing there in her underwear, though she knows that it's nothing Josh hasn't seen before and that Farkle can hardly tell from over the phone.

"Hey, what's up?" Maya questioned, wearily, holding the phone up to her ear.

"I need you to get down to the hospital," Farkle launched in, "Things are quickly spiraling out of control and you might be the only person who knows all of the players and can navigate through this."

"I'm going to need a better reason," Maya informed him, not surprised when Josh moved in next to her to listen to the other end of the call.

"Jennifer's baby is going to die if Thor doesn't perform surgery on them, your father's family is in the lobby demanding to see her, and Thor went MIA after insisting that Jennifer signs an agreement that states she won't take legal action against Riley for violating patient/doctor confidentiality."

"Thor from high school?" Maya questioned, blankly, trying to wrap her mind around what he's saying.

"Do you personally know anyone else that goes by that name?" Farkle spat in exasperation.

"This sounds like a problem for Riley to me, why don't you call her?" Maya suggested.

"Because I'm the one that threatened to report her. Please get down here and get your family out of the lobby. The stress isn't good for the baby and Jennifer's not doing well," Farkle pleaded.

"I'm on my way," Josh agreed for her, snatching the phone out of her hand, and tucking it into his pocket.

"You're not going to go down there and beg my sister to give me an organ," Maya informed him, following him out of the bathroom and to the chair that he'd slung his jacket across.

"Go ahead and try to stop me," he suggested, spreading his arms out in a gesture of complete defiance, "What are you going to do, Maya?"

"I will never speak to you again. I will never forgive you," she offered.

"I can live with that," he decided, "But I refuse to live without you."

* * *

 **Writing Update:**

 **I had this moment; where I had finally broken out of my writer's block and was ready to dive back into my writing. I returned to my fragments of a chapter that had been sitting on my computer for months and realized that I needed to do a major re-read of all of my work. So, I re-read it and realized that LOM needs some major editing and I'm incredibly lucky that there were so many people willing to stick with me through it. So, a big thank you to everyone that is still reading and that still cares about this world that I've created.**

 **I'm in the midst of a massive edit of _Heat Stroke,_ which is probably why it said that I updated it. Sorry, to anyone who thought that I was posting a new chapter. I've updated several chapters, starting with chapter eighteen, which shouldn't impact the plot too much, but should, hopefully, be a little less confusing. I've gone so far off the beaten path of my outline that I'm trying really hard to figure out how to resolve all of my sub-plots and get the story done. **

* * *

**Random thoughts and Obligatory Plea for Reviews:**

 **I know I'm probably way slow to this, but I've been rewatching the show on Netflix and it took me a minute to realize that they didn't air the show in the order that the episodes were supposed to be shown in. I get that it's Disney, but what is the purpose of this? It's confusing to anyone who watches the show on the date that it's aired and it's got to be super frustrating as a creator to try and make your content into something that can be shown in any order and still make sense. It limits what you can do; as far as character development and, especially, relationships, which played such a huge role in this season. It feels incredibly disrespectful to the entire creative process. But, I guess, quality doesn't matter as long as it's cheap to produce and they can get enough viewers. They can keep peddling nostalgia, but I'm done buying.**

 **Thanks for reading! I love you guys! And I would love it if you left me some thoughts on the chapter!**


	19. Lethargy

**I know it's been awhile, so if you can handle it, I recommend a re-read of the last chapter and a review of the recap from last chapter. That should be enough to get you back up to speed.**

Her mother hadn't changed much about the bakery, in all of her years of ownership. It was still quaint and intimate; a place where you could go and feel at home. She'd had a key to her family home and the bakery on her keychain for years and she hadn't taken them off when she'd moved to bakery key sits right between the one to the practice and the one to the carriage house, which she still hadn't gotten around to returning.

However, the last thing she currently feels is at home. Her hands are shaking, as she attempts to slip the key into the lock and the tension could be cut with a scalpel. Behind her, she can feel Thor and Lucas sizing each other up and the guilt in her chest expands.

She hadn't done anything overtly wrong in the last few days, but she'd entertained the idea; come right up to the line and flirted with the idea of sticking her foot over it. She's not sure she gets credit for deciding to back away at the last second.

Finally, she manages to get the key to slide into the lock and she twists; pulling open the door and casting a sliver of light across the hardwood. She reaches to the side for the light switch and flips it on, holding the door open and glancing back over her shoulder.

Lucas isn't paying any attention to what she's doing, and neither is Thor; too caught up in a wordless conversation that has her wondering what Lucas has already guessed and what Thor is trying to imply.

"Are you coming?" she questioned; watching both of them turn towards her in almost comically synchronized gesture.

Thor slid passed her first, his eyes meeting hers for half-a-second that had her feeling like the mouse that just got caught in a sticky trap.

"Forget to mention something?" Lucas kept his voice low; his breath brushing against her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think," she trailed off, unsure how to finish her sentence.

His eyes flashed, and she watched the things he was trying to keep from saying flash across his face.

"Hasn't changed much, has it?" Thor pulled at her attention, and Riley let the door drift close behind them, as she took a step inside.

Beside her, Lucas was looking deliberately at the ground and she would have reached out to take his hand if the situation didn't feel so charged. She knew that they were precariously balanced on the edge of a hundred-foot drop and one wrong move would send all of them catapulting over the edge.

"No, Mom likes it exactly the way it is," Riley replied, suddenly unsure of what to do with her hands.

Thor's eyes scanned over the room and he, slowly, made his way over to the corner that had belonged to him and his friends in high school. She tried to remember what he'd said had happened to his own love triangle, but her mind comes up blank in the stress of the situation.

"You going to tell me what happened today?" Riley pulled him from his memories.

"The ethical implications of having a child after having a heart transplant have been in debate for years. You know how much stress pregnancy puts on the human body and, at least, two of the anti-rejection drugs donors are put on are dangerous to the fetus. And, those are just the ones we know about," Thor re-capped.

"I know all this," Riley reminded him, and a smile tugged at the corners of Thor's mouth.

"Of course you do. You monitored Maya's pregnancy, didn't you?" The question was rhetorical, and Riley felt Lucas tense beside her at the shift the conversation had taken.

"You told me that she'd undergone fertility treatments to get pregnant," Riley prompted him, refusing to get sidetracked in whatever game he was trying to play.

"The responsibility every doctor has is figuring out where the line between what we _can_ do and what we _should_ do is. No responsible fertility doctor is going to allow a transplant recipient to undergo fertility treatments. You're putting both the mother and the baby at risk and the odds of a normal pregnancy are drastically low."

"But someone did," Riley offered.

"I thought if we delivered the baby, we could stabilize the mother. If we'd been able to get a positive outcome the situation would have just gone away. But, she was too far gone."

"We should have had a cardiologist overseeing her care; she was out of both of our scopes of practice," Riley pointed out.

"The more doctors that got involved with the situation, the greater chance we had of what had happened getting out. I had to keep the situation contained and she knew the risks of what she was doing. She wanted a baby, more than she cared about being alive," he rationalized; running his hand through his hair in agitation.

"So, she deserved to die, then?" Riley questioned; incredulous at his reasoning.

"She was one person and letting her situation become public knowledge would have ruined an entire career. One person's stupid choice, keeping hundreds, maybe thousands of struggling women from having the opportunity to conceive a baby. Every doctor has made a bad call and I chose not to let this one destroy everything that doctor had worked for."

"So, you traded my license for theirs?" Riley struggled against the wave of nausea she felt at his words.

"I tried to keep you out of it, to give you a way out. But, I knew that if you had all the facts you would have helped me, anyway," he explained, looking at her, as though he expected her to understand what he wasn't saying.

"Without talking to me, you never could have known that," Riley disagreed.

"Kelly Smith's fertility specialist was Lydia Breeland."

* * *

Through the window, she can pick out cars on the street below. There are people walking along the sidewalk and a couple embracing just outside of the hospital doors.

Her right hand unconsciously goes to twist the ring on her left hand and she traces the outline of the emerald cut diamond.

"They won't even acknowledge that she's here," Dani informed her, sinking down into the chair next to her.

"They can't, Mom. Not if Jen doesn't want to see us," Olivia reminded her; eyes still trained on the couple outside. They're pulling away, now, but they don't let go of each other's hands, as they move away from the hospital.

"I just don't understand why," Dani admitted; her head sinking into her hands.

It's strange being back in the city. She can still remember looking out the plane window, as the skyline faded into the distance and feeling relieved at everything that she was leaving behind. New York had been haunted for her, almost from the minute they'd moved there, although she hadn't seen it at the time.

It was filled with the history of her parents and the history she'd created. She'd made one bad choice after another, until she'd barely been able to recognize the face in the mirror.

"I was thinking that I might go check us in, somewhere," Olivia offered, trying not to sound as detached as she felt.

She knew she was supposed to care that Jen was in the hospital; knew that she was supposed to be just as torn up as her mother is. But, she can't seem to dig her way out of the fog that had collapsed around her.

All she really wants to do is sleep.

"She's going to change her mind about seeing us," Dani argued, "And you should be here when she does. She'll want to see you."

Olivia nodded once, although she doubted that Jen would want to see her. Her sister had packed up her life and moved away without a word, just like their father had done to them. Even during her own struggles with addiction, Olivia had never been far enough gone to put her mother through what her father had.

She's not entirely surprised to find that under the fog, is mostly anger. She can't remember many times in her life when she hasn't been angry.

"I'm going for a walk. You can text me if anything changes," Olivia offered; standing up and pulling her shirt down.

She pauses at the nearest bathroom, one reserved for employees with a single toilet and sink and flicks the lock on the door. She turns on the tap; pausing to take in her appearance reflected back at her in the mirror. Her hair is grimy, and her makeup is smeared across her face, looking like a stark contrast against the designer clothes that had been picked out for her by a stylist.

She was supposed to be rebranding her image; earning the public's forgiveness for her past sins, as, though, a bunch of strangers somehow held the key to her redemption.

She cupped her hands under the stream of water and brought it up to her face.

 _"This is a fresh start, Liv. You're going to love the city and the feel of being on-stage."_

 _"And you'll be there. You're not going to disappear."_

 _"I'm not going, anywhere. Things are going to be different this time."_

The water dripped down her face and onto her shirt and she reached over to grab a paper towel from the dispenser. She took the time to wipe the makeup around her eyes, before dabbing at the drops that were splattered across the silk of her top.

The hall is empty when she steps outside, again; not looking any more pulled together then when she'd gone in.

"You're Olivia," a voice comes from behind her and she jumps; a hand going to her heart.

He'd been waiting just next to the bathroom, leaning up against the wall where she wouldn't notice him, unless she were backing out of the room.

"I think you've got me confused with someone else," she offered what could almost pass as a smile and turned to continue her journey away from the waiting room.

"I'm Farkle," he offered; falling into step beside her, as though she hadn't just tried to blow him off, "Farkle Minkus."

"That's unfortunate," she offered, refusing to look at him.

"I know your sister," he continued, as if she hadn't spoken and she finally came to a halt in the middle of the hall, "Maya Hart."

 _"I just want to know if she's serious, or if she's going to break my son's heart. He doesn't have the best judgement when it comes to women."_

 _"You're Lucas's Mom?"_

 _"You've met him?"_

"I have one sister," Olivia informed him, "And her name isn't Maya."

* * *

"Lydia wouldn't have treated Kelly if she'd known that she had a heart transplant," Riley protested, sinking down into the nearest chair.

Her head was spinning with the new information and she found herself searching aimlessly through her memories for any moment when her mentor hadn't been an ethical pillar.

"I looked into it. Kelly's previous implantation attempts were done in the city. Her name is all over Kelly's chart," Thor explained.

"That doesn't mean she was responsible for this one," Riley argued.

"Why don't you call her up and ask her?" Thor suggested, "She's not exactly denying it. She's got a nice heartfelt story about hope and Kelly trying to live her life to fullest, but either way it ends in a premature death and the wasting of a perfectly good a heart. A heart that could have given her a complete life."

"And how is any of this supposed to help figure things out, now?" Lucas cut in, "It's great that you have an explanation for why you decided to risk your career and Riley's, but how is that supposed to help either of you get out of this mess."

"Doctor Jones is prepared to testify that you performed the thoracotomy at his instruction and that it was executed perfectly. I will testify that the patient chose not to disclose important information from her medical history and all you have to say is the truth; that you were brought in to consult and delivered the baby when it became apparent that it was the only choice we had."

"And when they ask why you didn't use one of the doctors at the hospital?"

"I'll tell them the truth. That you're an old friend and I felt more comfortable working with you," Thor replied, "The only legal leg they'll have left to stand on is if they decide to sue for wrongful birth and that charge will go directly back to Doctor Breeland."

"After all the trouble you went through to try and protect her?" Riley snorted.

"We look after our own to an extent, but altruism has to have a limit," he finished, "And I took care of your HIPPA violation, too."

"You took care of it?" Riley struggled to keep up with how quickly he was switching subjects.

"Your license is safe. You're going to go home to your kids and your practice and continue on with your life. All you have to do is tell the truth, concisely."

"You mean tell the truth that looks the best for you," a bitter smile flickered across her face.

"Riley?" his voice softened, and her eyes flickered up to meet his, "You remember that night on the hospital steps?"

She glanced at Lucas before reluctantly nodding.

"Do you think I intentionally set out to do harm?"

She can only make out a few of the letters written across his wrists in black ink. She'd studied his career, seen first hand how he handled the losses. And she can't help wondering how different the conversation would be if she didn't have Lucas standing silently behind her forcing all of his barriers back into place.

"I think you made a mistake," Riley sighed, "But I think covering it up, just might make it worse."

"Careers are lost in the courtroom. Do you think a jury of normal people could ever understand the kind of pressure we're under? What it's like to have to make a split-second decision and to know that every time you chose wrong could have cataclysmic results? Even when a doctor is found not-guilty, their name has been dragged through the mud and you think they'll ever be able to work again? You're never going to find a lawyer that tells you to admit guilt."

His pager buzzed, and he fished it out of his pocket, "I have to go."

"Is it Jennifer?" Riley questioned; unable to suppress the concern, even now.

"Give yourself some time before you go in to make a statement. You need to be able to act on ration and not emotion," he informed her, sidestepping her question as he left the bakery.

The door slid closed behind him; the bell ringing, before she was left in complete silence. She could hear Lucas breathing behind her and she hesitantly turned to face him, unsure of what to expect.

"You and him?" Lucas's voice was deceptively calm.

"Nothing happened," Riley rushed to explain.

"But something _could_ have happened?" Lucas's eyes searched hers for the truth.

"Maybe, but when it came down to _doing_ something, instead of just _thinking_ about doing something. It would have been to forget you, to try and hide from the way loving you was making me feel."

"I don't think he sees things that way," Lucas informed her, and she stood up from her chair, closing the distance between them.

"Does it matter how he sees things, if I'm going home with you in the end, anyway?" Riley pointed out, reaching out to grab his hands with hers.

"You asked me once if I'd be here with you if we didn't have the twins and I can tell you without any hesitation that I would be. That somehow, some way I would have found my way to you. But, can you say that if we didn't have the twins you wouldn't be staying here with him? If you weren't weighed down with obligations and responsibilities this wouldn't be exactly what you would want?"

"Of course, I think about what it would be like to be in a relationship that wasn't weighed down with all of our emotional baggage. We've hurt each other, Lucas, over and over again. And every time we try to move forward it feels like we find something else to hold us back. But that hasn't ever stopped me from picking you. I'm so incredibly grateful that you're the father of my children and I wouldn't trade a day that we've had together. You're the great love of my life and any other relationship that I could have would come in second to what I have with you," she hoped her sincerity was written across her face.

"I wish I could find the words to let you know how sorry I am for everything," Lucas admitted, his thumbs running along her wrists.

"I don't think this is the kind of thing that we can fix with words. I think it's going to take the two of us showing each other, every day, that this is exactly where we want to be."

* * *

Maya balanced Noah on her hip, as she made the familiar ascent up the stairs to the Mathews apartment. As a teenager, it had been nothing. She'd bounded up the stairs or even the fire escape without anything holding her back. But, now she has to pause every few steps to suck in a breath and her arms ache from the weight of her son.

She'd never been the kind of person to show any sign of weakness, but she's not sure how to hide her body breaking down.

She'd always thought that people in their thirties were ancient, but being there, herself, she can, now, see just how young it really is. Too young to die; too young to leave her son behind.

If she dies, now, he won't remember her.

She manages to make it to the landing and knocks on the door; struggling to juggle the baby and the diaper bag, as she waits for someone to answer.

"Maya," Cory greeted her, holding the door open, so that she could step inside.

The table was already set, and she could see her mother and Topanga finishing dinner in the kitchen. The smell of fresh rolls was overpowering, and she knew that they'd stolen the recipe from the bakery.

"He gets bigger every time I see him," Shawn exclaimed, crossing the room to take the baby from her.

"His pediatrician says that he's hitting all his milestones," Maya smiled, setting down the diaper bag.

"Where's Josh?" Topanga called from the kitchen and Maya bit her lip, as she struggled to find the right answer.

"He's at the hospital," Maya, finally, admitted, "I was actually hoping that you would watch Noah, so that I could go and meet him over there."

"Is everything okay?" Topanga paused in her movements to look at her in concern.

"It's fine. Josh just really wants the whole family together this year," Maya offered half-truths through her teeth.

"Well, you'd better hurry. The turkey's going to be done in another hour and I'm not sure how long I can keep the hungry boys at bay," Topanga smiled fondly at her husband and Shawn.

"I'll see what I can do," Maya promised, turning and retreating out the door she had just come in through.

She gripped the railing tightly, as she made her way down; surprised by how much harder she was finding it, then the way up had been. She's only halfway down the first set of stairs when she had to pause and close her eyes; overwhelmed with a feeling of vertigo.

Her head spun, and her knees felt weak underneath her.

Sucking in air through her mouth, she attempted to focus on her hand on the railing; looking for anything to ground her.

"Maya?" a concerned voice called from the bottom of the stairs.

Her eyes snapped open and she realized what a mistake that had been when dots immediately flooded her vision and she lost her grip, falling forward and into the blackness.

* * *

Lucas realized what was going to happen a second before Riley did and managed to get to her, before she could fall more then a few steps; grabbing her arms before her head could hit the floor.

"Maya?" he called, shaking her slightly as he waited for a response.

"We need to get her on flat ground and elevate her legs," Riley demanded, moving ahead of him, as he scooped Maya into his arms and followed her to the top of the stairs.

He laid her in the hallway and Riley's fingers immediately moved to her neck to find a pulse, "Elevate her feet at least six inches."

Lucas raised her feet and Riley dug through her purse; pulling out her penlight and flashing it into the dilated pupils of Maya's eyes.

"Josh told me that she's in kidney failure," Lucas informed her, and Riley dropped the light, her head snapping up to look at him.

"Call 9-11," Riley decided, already moving to take Maya's feet from him.

"Okay," he agreed, and Riley watched as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

Everything around her seemed to mute, as she watched Lucas's lips move and gripped the heels of Maya's shoes. She watched the rise and fall or Maya's chest out of the corner of her eye; trying to decide if it looked regular or not.

"Riles?" a single voice cut through the silence and Riley's full attention turned to the blonde.

"Don't try and get up," Riley insisted, dropping her feet, as she moved up to Maya's torso to hold her down.

"I'm fine," Maya argued, although she didn't struggle against Riley's hands.

"The EMT's are on their way to check you out," Riley informed her; no longer away of what was going on with Lucas at the top of the stairs.

"I thought you were a doctor," Maya reminded her, and Riley felt tears suddenly fill her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't your problem," Maya offered; her eyes sliding closed again.

"Maya?" Riley squeezed her arms, "Open your eyes."

"Riley?" Lucas stepped up behind her, "They want to know what's going on?"

"I think her blood pressure has bottomed out," Riley replied; sliding behind Maya to prop her up in a sitting position, "You have to stay awake, Maya."

It feels like an eternity when she sees the EMT's making their way up the stairs with a gurney.

She lets Lucas answer their questions, backing away to let them have room to work. She can hear the sound of her own heart pounding in her head and wonders if she's going to throw up again, although she's sure that there's nothing left in her stomach.

"Riley?" Lucas grabbed her hand and her head snapped up to look at him, "They want us to meet them at the hospital."

"The family," Riley glanced down the hallway to the door of her home; struggling to arrange her thoughts in an order that makes sense.

"We'll call them on the way," Lucas promised; releasing her hand, so that he could wrap the arm around her bag and urge her down the stairs, "I need you to keep breathing, Riles."

"I'm breathing," Riley disagreed, leaning further into him, as she struggled with her own feelings of lightheadedness.

"You're in shock," Lucas countered.

He guided her towards the truck that he'd parked at the side of the road, but all she could focus on was the wail or the sirens as the red truck disappeared into the distance.

* * *

 **It's a Valentine's day miracle! I've written this chapter several times and several different ways over the last few months and I'm still not entirely happy with it. You know when you have a plotline that you're really excited about and then write yourself into a corner with it and don't know how to get out. That's how I've felt with this story and with** _Heat Stroke._ **But, I'm going to try and work through it and get these stories finished.**

 **Thanks to everyone who's bugged me the last few months about updating! I hope you have a wonderful day and I would love it if you left me a review!**


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